Notices

Help me, coming up on 3 months

Old 11-20-2012, 01:52 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 50
Help me, coming up on 3 months

I'm just tired of being sober.
I haven't lost any weight at all, and, yes, I'm doing everything right.
I've lost a lot of friends. I just don't like being around them at all anymore.
Including my best girl friend. We talk sometimes but I just want to tell her to shut up. I now realize we were more like running buddies. Honestly I just don't like her as a person. She just completely invalidates everything I say and only seems to want us to get dressed up to go out to bars together, which will never happen again. I used to feel like her and I were dearest soulmates and now I can't get off the phone fast enough. Numerous times she's told me that i'm not an alcoholic and can just have a glass of wine. I'm not going to argue with her.

My dr ran all these tests on me, there is nothing physically wrong with me. So I guess I'm just depressed.

I think I want to go back to school to get my masters. I was thinking I was happy at my current job just making money, now, not so much. In order for me to do that I need to first get out of debt which might take like a year.

Really, I'm just so unhappy.

I feel like alcoholism gave some sort of structure to my life... I was always getting ready to go out (when I wasn't working)...
I guess I need to find a new structure. new things.

I know it's still less than 3 months here. But it's discouraging. I'm 20 lbs heavier than I was last year. When i look in the mirror and see that I just flat out don't look as good as I did when i was drinking daily, that's not very encouraging!!!!!!!!

And it's so much more than that. My relationship with so many people has changed. i just can't listen to my best friend whine about how her husband is such a loser that she has to cheat on him with some guy she met online. Like, it makes me sick. The kind of stuff I used to just let go in one ear and out the other is now making me rethink whole relationships.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and reading, and if it seems as though I take no responsibility for letting my life get to this point, that's not true, I'm just overwhelmed and frustrated. I just did not realize how adolescent my whole life was. And I feel like I have to grow up so much so fast and I am overwhelmed. Literally none of my friends are a decent support system. Sure I can make new friends but the people you meet today... it's not the same as people you knew for 5 or 10 years. Right now I just feel like there's no going back and no going forward.
I'm not at all happy.

Some of it, maybe quite a bit, is physical withdrawal. Maybe. i really don't know.

Helphelphelp
LaceUp is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 02:32 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,937
I think a lot of us reconsider things at 90 days - it's long enough to forget the bad stuff that led us to quit, but not really long enough for any of the real benefits of sobriety to be apparent yet.

I recommend you go back and read some old posts - both yours and others peoples - remind yourself of the things that led you to come here and try and change your life.

I guess I need to find a new structure. new things.
I'd agree, in my experience.

Recovery means a lot of change - it also means a lot of work - I found I needed to build basically a whole new life - most of my friends were hard drinkers.

I needed new friends and new things to do with my time.
It was hard but I did it because I didn't want to go back to my old life.

I figured if my new sober life was not what I wanted it to be I couldn't really blame anyone else for that but myself.

It was hard - I was 'grey' for a long time...but then I'd drunk for 20 years too - the last 5 of those all day everyday...I had to remember it can take some time for mind and body to recuperate.

I'm sorry for the physical stuff the depression and the weight gain.
Perhaps this link may ring some bells about some of that stuff?

PAWS « Digital Dharma

I'm glad I perservered LaceUp - things really do get better.

A little after 3 months things began to fall into place a little more and gradually I realised that for the first time in my adult life I was happy.

It's only got better since

Don't give up before you get to the good stuff, LU

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 02:50 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 50
Thanks Dee
I like your new avatar too.
I know this sounds like a big pity party but I'm frazzled.
On some level, yeah, I really thought I'd be keeping at least most of my old friends. Right now it seems like none.
I'm 36 I'm too old to be hanging out at bars and clubs. It's skanky!
And I have a whole bunch of fun sober stuff I want to try... but right now, most days I'm just too tired. I'm tired a lot.

I'm familiar w PAWS & I know it hits me hard.
Thanks for replying.
LaceUp is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 03:08 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Your situation is rather different than mine, so I can't offer any advice other than checking out an in person support group and making some different kinds of friends. Your life has changed dramatically and your friends may not be suitable for your new direction.

Whichever support group you choose, there will be plenty of people who will listen to your concerns. That's been my experience anyway.

I also find psychotherapy helpful. Anti-depressants never worked for me. They just screwed up my body, but different people have different results.

I wish you the best. There's tons of help out there and the threads on this forum can lead you in plenty of directions for various help.

When I need a friendly ear I call the warm line at 415-459-6330. It closes at 9pm west coast time (in the U.S.). The folks there really care. You can talk about whatever you want - even if you're in a good mood. Sometimes I end up just chatting because I find I have a lot in common with the person I'm talking to.

I have unlimited free calling, so it's not a financial hardship for me.

There's also the Friendship line (phone: 1 800 971 0016). From 11pm - 8am (west coast time in the U.S.) it becomes a suicide crisis line. Lots of nice folks on there too and that number is toll free in the U.S.

Sometimes talking to a stranger is easier than talking to people you know if you're changing your lifestyle.

You may have to accept the fact that some of your friends were right for the moment, but not the whole life.

I guess I'm fortunate. I didn't base my friendships on drinking/using, so no change is necessary.
renaldo is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 03:17 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
SunnyFlower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
Laceup:

I am also close to 90 days sober and can relate to much of what you said.

I am trying to find a new structure in my life, a new way of living, learning how to rebuild present day relationships and how to gain new ones, and I have put on almost 20#'s myself, this past year. I undertand your frustration.

I don't know how long you have struggled with your drinking problem...I have for over 6 years, (when drinking became an addiction and ruled my life). I feel as if I have lost all those years and that time just stood still. It's as if I was in a coma and went dormant, while everything and everyone around me kept growing and changing with the times.

Sobriety for me is like a "rebirth". I'm learning how to "walk" and "talk" all over again.

I'm grateful to be sober, however I do feel overwhelmed at times in the struggle of learning who I really am.

I have to remind myself to take "one step at a time". My first step is not to drink.

I am trying to "keep it simple" by not trying to fix myself all at once. (working on 1 issue at a time).

As far as my relationships with others goes...I'm working first on loving myself and taking care of my needs. Once I have accomplished that (and feel good about me) I think the rest will take care of itself.

Thanks for sharing, it truly does help knowing we're not alone in our struggles.
SunnyFlower is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 05:23 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Been there, done that!
 
Lionhearted1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
hi laceup, i have been sober 90 days a few times and every time i give up and decide that drinking was "more fun" its not end off, you may feel sorry for yourself today and tommorow but trust me it aint as sorry as you are gunna feel in 20 years when you have lost everything, thats if you even make it that long.

Sorry to be blunt but people are dying today right now of this horrible disease and you are sober and on the right path. Be thankful of that....

Stay strong and look for the good!
Lionhearted1 is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 06:30 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Phoenix.
 
Casmasta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
I relate to this a great deal, Lace.
I've found that relationships I've had aren't what I thought them to be..
But then I started thinking about what my core values were at the time that I was drinking, and I guess I didn't have much. I'm building those values day by day, and tying to connect with other human beings in the process. It's hard, but I think it will be worth it.

Some people I thought were going to be a great source of strength for me just weren't, and others stepped up, and have taught me a lot about myself. (I'm 7 months sober)
You never know who's going to be there when you need it most.

I understand feeling like you can't make friends now, but that's not the case. It's just out of our comfort zone.. And I think it's really good for us to do many positive things that make us uncomfortable.

Also... You might want to think about your addictive brain telling you that drinking will bring you happiness, or closer to someone you thought was one of your soulmates.
Maybe she was for a time.. But maybe your soul has grown.

Drinking won't solve any of the lonliness you're feeling. It just won't.
Casmasta is offline  
Old 11-20-2012, 06:39 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Phoenix.
 
Casmasta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Maybe.. some new structure could be some active service work..like habitat for humanity.. working out? Getting involved in some community activities..
Finding interests was/is difficult for me. I know I like food, and cooking.. I like concerts, and movies, and plays..
I don't know. Are there clubs for those sorts of things?

I think maybe that my first few months I was just on autopilot.
Take it one day at a time...
Casmasta is offline  
Old 11-21-2012, 12:37 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 50
Thank you everyone for your replies.
i did some more reading up on PAWS and I hadn't realized it can last up to a year and even longer, and it's a leading cause of relapse, which makes sense!!!!

I'm still committed to doing this thing. I've lost weight before I can do it again. And in another year I'll be 37, that's still young, I'll have plenty in front of me.

I've also been putting a lot of pressure on myself. Maybe for my first year of sobriety I should just set my goals as staying sober, enjoying my hobbies, and saving some money.
LaceUp is offline  
Old 11-21-2012, 01:21 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Applecrumble's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 503
Hi laceup,

Just to let you know that I'm struggling with the friend thing too at 3 months. They weren't even drinking friends - it's just that now I'm demonstrating that I have problems too that I'm trying to fix for myself, I'm not getting the validity or support from them that I hoped I would. For me, it's a 'codependency' thing. I find it helpful to read the codependency threads on here so perhaps see if its the case for you? If not, keep talking here and getting feedback.

As many have said, drinking is never going to fix what you are going through at the moment. And as you say, be patient with yourself
Applecrumble is offline  
Old 11-21-2012, 02:39 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,936
Structure is seriously overrated it it's bad structure! There's no use running faster if you're going the wrong way.

I had to deal with some serious bouts of boredom at first. It's probably not hard to see why- booze was my primary hobby. It was its own entertainment. I could watch grass grow if I was drunk enough. You're bored with your life right now because you left something behind and haven't replaced it with anything else yet. You're an empty vessel. Time to start refilling yourself!
MythOfSisyphus is online now  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:27 AM.