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Old 02-12-2012, 05:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Desperately need to stop....

I have fallen off the wagon big time and can't seem to get back on. My anxiety is the worst it's ever been and last week I couldn't get to work because the sky looked like it was falling in and I was frightened. On Friday I had to sit on the floor in Asda (Wal-Mart) because I felt like I was falling off a ledge. I desperately want/need to give up but I'm already thinking about tomorrow night when I am going to my friend's house for a few drinks. Please help, I am pathetic.
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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hello, congrats on deciding to stop drinking. are you going to go to AA or use another method? Think it's maybe best to avoid your friend's place tomorrow. good luck. this site is great and you will get a great deal of support and help on here.
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hello Epskie!! The one thing that I know is that drinking makes my anxiety so much worse!! You can do this!! SR has alot of great people who have wonderful advise!! Be strong!! Lind
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome Epski.

I have alot of anxiety as well, and I agree with Lind that the swings on alcohol really make it worse. Day 2 and going for drinks? I am not sure. I did go to a cocktail party on day 4, but I had several months of sobriety last year and had alot of practice and felt ready for it. It was a PT corwd where it would not be wild or anything, lol.

Good luck and we are here.

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Old 02-12-2012, 06:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by epskie View Post
I have fallen off the wagon big time and can't seem to get back on. My anxiety is the worst it's ever been and last week I couldn't get to work because the sky looked like it was falling in and I was frightened. On Friday I had to sit on the floor in Asda (Wal-Mart) because I felt like I was falling off a ledge. I desperately want/need to give up but I'm already thinking about tomorrow night when I am going to my friend's house for a few drinks. Please help, I am pathetic.
I am six weeks sober today. I stopped on New Year's Day.

But just nine weeks ago I was at my lowest ebb. I was drinking a double before I went to work, a quarter bottle in work and a half bottle afterwards. I was so depressed and unhappy I decided, like you have, that enough's enough.

In my case I wrote down my thoughts when I was in a state similar to yours. I wrote to myself that I felt I couldn't take much more of this and how frightened, depressed and unhappy I felt. I then set a date (in my case New Year's Day) and promised myself that I would stop then. I have the piece of paper here and it reminds me of just how desperate and pathetic I was. It's actually tear stained (and I'm a guy).

You sound as though you've suffered enough. Channel and galvanize that into will power and use it to motivate yourself. I know that it is often impossible to stop instantly, because the fear is too great. You can either reduce your drinking over say 3 days, which is difficult, or better still go and see your doctor and get some valium.

Good Luck.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Alcohol and drugs just made my depression and anxiety much, much worse.

That drink, stop, drink, stop cycle is horrible to go thru. It's so much easier not to drink at all.

God bless.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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GabC, good idea about writing down how it felt.

Yesterday, I went back to read my first post ever on this forum. I was actually 3 months sober but still waiting to see a hepatologist after having bad liver tests and scans. I was terrified. Short story, my health is back on track, but I slipped for some months again. Saw it slowly spiralling into what I was, and rereading that yesterday was really helpful. I need to remember how awful life can feel from drinking, both emotionally and physically.

It is a good idea to journal day one, at least, and even along the way. A forum like this is helpful for that since we can easily reread our entries.

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Old 02-12-2012, 07:25 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Epskie, you can change this. I know, because I have been where you are.

Read around on this site and make a plan, ask for help. You can stop this cycle of hell....and that's what it is....a cycle....and hell. Change it today.

"When the pain of your situation gets worse than your fear of change....you will change."

Big hugs - we are all here to support you.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone. I like the journal idea, I am a writer so it should come naturally to me.

I am going to the cinema tonight with my Husband and Sister. I have already done my usual 'cinema trick' of filling two juice bottles with wine to take into the film in my bag. I need to be strong and leave them at home but my mind is saying "It's the last day of your holiday, enjoy yourself" etc etc. Will I be strong? I hope so. My Husband promised me this morning (in the middle of a big panic attack) that if any alcohol crosses our door he will pour it down the sink. But I will lie to him, or worse = play him like any good alcoholic can.

I want a normal life. I want a healthy life. I must get past this hurdle
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:17 AM   #10 (permalink)
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epskie

Welcome.

If you need to take wine to the cinema that is a sign that your drinking is going very wrong.

Keep posting and you will start making better choices.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Dump your containers and put in some real fruit juice. Start sobriety now!!
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
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My Husband aint as easy as I think, he has a headache and needs me to drive to the Cinema. Wine down the sink, let's hope today is the start of forever
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Old 02-12-2012, 12:43 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well done!

Stay strong! I've found that "one last drink" can last months and months if you let it. Just say no to the last one.

You won't mind not remembering your last drink fondly -- I don't honestly remember the last drink I had or even what it was. I do remember the first day sober though.
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Good on you for pouring the wine down the sink,

In the morning you will be happy that you did.

Now to get serious, you really need support, anxiety is a terrible debilitating condition and the alcohol is certainly one of the causes.

You probably can't believe this now but a sober life is the best Possible life.

All the best
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I really hope this can be your turning point Epskie

I was floundering with my drinking too - going round and round and getting deeper and deeper into trouble and despair.

I found if I wanted changes in my life - I needed to make changes.
Find all the support you can and use it.

do you have any kind of a plan?
D
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