Wonderland

I have lost two family members due to alcoholism, and several have developed cancer and emphysema due to smoking. I know this will be my fate, as well, if I don't stop drinking eight beers [I]every single nigh[I] and smoke a pack and a half of cigarettes during these nightly booze-sessions. My husband and I do this together. We commiserate, we, play music, we laugh together, or we get into vicious shouting matches.

We are in deep debt, both employed in dead-end jobs that don't make use of our advanced degrees. Our health is failing. Our apartment is dirty, dishes neglected, floor un-mopped, because we're too busy drinking all night to clean up. We don't have any energy.

Our creativity is suffering. I can't get my brain/ brain chemistry to accept the fact that the world is just going to have to be brutally stark for a while, without the booze.

I have quit smoking and drinking for long periods of time before, but relapsed due to my overwhelming anxiety over EVERYTHING.

I hope this forum can help me change my brain. No more cigs. No more booze binging. I would just like to be comfortable in my own skin

justhadenough

welcome to SR. you've taken the first step in deciding you want to quit.

mattparadise

It will take a little effort to stop, but you have taken the first step.

sugarbear1

I understand, although I have no employment now and the jobs I've applied for, which I didn't get, are those which I am overqualified for. Keep your jobs, money is tight. Your budget will improve when you stop spending it on an unfulfilled lifestyle. Basically booze costs a lot!

Consider a program of recovery. AVRT, SMART, LifeRing, AA, whatever you choose to do, do it well. The house will get cleaned, the bank account will increase. Your perception of what life can be will hopefully become less bleak!

You are not alone today!! You can stay stopped and remember the laughter and reduce those shouting matches! You will be free.
Peace,

Wonderland

We need to find better jobs, in order to afford basic bills. My husband was laid-off of a very good job. We are going to file for bankruptcy. Our friends operate a local brewery, so, unfortunately, we can always drink for free.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, being comfortable in our own skin is priceless. I wish you and your husband every success! I would suggest that you each quickly formulate a recovery that is in some ways a joint-effort with each other, and in other ways a single purpose for each of yourselves respectively to walk your own walk even as you journey with each others. Working with others is a truly ideal way foward to have a sound foundation to living a grateful recovered life.

Wonderland

I like your suggestion that we work through this together, yet seperately. That makes a lot of sense. We love each other very much, and recognize that we enable each other's addictions.

Wonderland

You want to know why I decided to quit today? Yesterday afternoon, directly after work, of course, I drove straight to the grocery store to use the remaining $20 on my credit card to buy cigs, a twelve-pack of beer, toilet paper and tampons. That was all the money I had left in the world. Bought the cigs first, at the counter, no prob. Went to the self-checkout to purchase the TP, tampons and beer. My credit card was declined for insufficient funds.

I ACTUALLY considered putting the TP and tampons back, so I could the the beer. I thought, surely my husband has tip money he could give me so I could get the TP and tampons later...
I realized how thoroughly depraved and irrational this was. I was so embarrased. I asked the cashier to take off the beer and mumbled something about "bringing the wrong card."

I cried about it when I got home, then my husband went out and bought the beer with his tip money.
Then he went out again, later, for another 12 pack of beer and another pack of cigs for me.
I am so disgusted with my continuous quest for the numbing of reality.

Sapling

That's tragic...I've been there....Counting coins to buy more beer. Thank God I didn't have friends that owned a brewery....I wouldn't be here. Let me ask you something....What are you willing to do...To get out of this existence that you have?....For myself....I just had to give up completely...Wave the white flag....And drag my ass into an AA meeting and ask for help.....I got it. I worked for it...And I changed my existence into living...Without alcohol. Is that something you are open to? Or do you have countless reasons why that won't work for you?

justhadenough

does your husband want to quit too?

Wonderland

Yeah, we don't want to constantly mooch free beer off our friends (we also don't want anyone to know how much we actually drink). As far as AA goes, I have a few friends that go (well, one killed himself last spring), but meeting groups in person is not for me. I also do not agree with the "giving myself up to a higher power" thing. I am checking out some secular support groups here

CaiHong

Hi Wonderland,

I can really sense your frustration with yourself and your "lifestyle".

I was very much a beer and cigarettes person as well. I gave up the cigarettes about 2 years before the drinking as I was just sick of being addicted to them, drinking was a lot harder that was something I was reluctant to give up.

I gave up 8 months ago with the support of this forum and AA.


The greatest gift sobriety has given me is that it has reduced my anxiety to practically zero and the peace of mind is allowing me
to do things that I would agonise and procrastinate over so nothing really got done.

It is so fantastic that you have come to this realization that you need to change for your life to get better. A lot of people never get there as you well know with your own family.

At the beginning I really needed a lot of support, I didn't,t take advantage of the help offered as perhaps I should of but I muddled through and as my body began to heal and my emotions stabilize I started to enjoy life and I can,t believe what is happening in my life today as a result of my sobriety.

I hope you find a program that works for you and the peace that comes with living a sober life.

I wish both you and your husband the best

CaiHong

Sapling

Good for you....As far as giving yourself up to a higher power goes...I think that's what you are doing. I hope you find something here that works for you in the secular support groups...There are people here that know a lot more about that than I do. Best of luck.

Wonderland

Thanks, CaiHong. we would like to just enjoy being alive again, right now we're trying to escape life.

Wonderland

Thanks. But, no, I'm not giving myself up to anything- I'm taking my own mind and body back. I'm glad AA works for you

sugarbear1

Alcohol was my higher power, too. It was THEE solution to all of my problems. Today, I have another solution. I hope you find what works for you. And hubby.

Love,

sugarbear1

Oh, you posted this thread twice. It happens on this site sometimes.

Wonderland

yes, both of my internet browsers do not like uploading posts from this site. The connection on the site keeps timing out and I have to refresh and try to re-post. Any way to fix this?

Wonderland

He wants to quit smoking and "drastically reduce" his drinking. I don't think he will ever decide to give it up forever. He did have one year of total sobriety, before he met me, though. He was living in some sort of reclusive monk-like state, studying a lot and meditating. I think he'd like to pick up some of those habits again.

justhadenough

I read the AVRT/Rational REcovery book and found it very helpful-it just made sense for me. good luck