I still miss and worry about my ex-boyfriend
We only dated for about three months, and I havent seen him in two months but I still miss him so much... I started to catch on that he was using when he would come over to my house and his eyes would roll back in his head and he would nod off mid sentence.
He looked at me once when we were being close and playful and asked why I like him. When I named off all the reasons he was so special to me, he told me that he's not as great as I think, and I'm too good for him. I just shrugged it off...I guess I was in denial.
He would be up all night eating candy and sleep all day. He had these mood swings, and his energy levels were always sparatic. But we laughed so much, and cuddled, and spent time together.. I think he really did care for me.
I thought we were making progress because when I first confronted him about using he was in complete denial. But when I told him I couldn't be with him like this, he told me he lost his last girlfriend because of this, and didnt want to lose me. He said he was embarrassed, that he was battling anxiety and depression. But he asked me if I would go to N/A meetings with him for support. Of course I said yes.
That conversation only lasted a week, and where as before he would be at my house nearly every night, he began flaking on me and causing me so much pain. I told him again, that I want to be with him, but not if he cant be responsible and take better care of himself. We had plans to talk in person, but instead I get a text from him saying, "I cant give you what you need. I need some space. Just know that I really did care for you." I was devestated. If he cares so much for me then why wont he get the help he so desperately needs?
I waited a few weeks, and emailed him. I just told him that I care for him, and he will always be special to me. He wrote me back that he is doing great and I gave him the motivation to get his life together...that he wishes he had met me now, and not back when he was messed up. He said that I am such beautiful, amazing woman and any guy would be so lucky to have me in their life.... it broke my heart to read... he was obviously high when he wrote it. He couldnt have gotten clean in the three weeks since we broke up could he?
Well, just a few weeks after this, I found out he did molly with some friends and hooked up with some girl. It makes me sick to my stomach the thought of him touching, and being close and intimate with another woman. I worry that he may fall for a woman and actually get clean for her... its so pathetic. I still miss him so much. We have mutual friends, and they all tell me I'm too good for him... but our relationship aside, I genuinly worry so much about him. I've heard stories about him overdosing, and it scares me that if he doesn't get help he might kill himself.
I wrote all this with the hopes that some of you might have a better insight to his toughts and feelings. Did he really actually care for me, or was he just using me for company? Is there anything I can do to help him get sober? Am I just being a crazy co-dependant and I should just do whatever I can to forget about him? I don't even know what to do if I run into him... I've never cared so much for a man so quickly. I'm worried about him, and worried there may be something wrong with me that I'm still missing him so much.
I know this was a long thread, so thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it!