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Old 11-20-2011, 06:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I still miss and worry about my ex-boyfriend

We only dated for about three months, and I havent seen him in two months but I still miss him so much... I started to catch on that he was using when he would come over to my house and his eyes would roll back in his head and he would nod off mid sentence.
He looked at me once when we were being close and playful and asked why I like him. When I named off all the reasons he was so special to me, he told me that he's not as great as I think, and I'm too good for him. I just shrugged it off...I guess I was in denial.
He would be up all night eating candy and sleep all day. He had these mood swings, and his energy levels were always sparatic. But we laughed so much, and cuddled, and spent time together.. I think he really did care for me.
I thought we were making progress because when I first confronted him about using he was in complete denial. But when I told him I couldn't be with him like this, he told me he lost his last girlfriend because of this, and didnt want to lose me. He said he was embarrassed, that he was battling anxiety and depression. But he asked me if I would go to N/A meetings with him for support. Of course I said yes.
That conversation only lasted a week, and where as before he would be at my house nearly every night, he began flaking on me and causing me so much pain. I told him again, that I want to be with him, but not if he cant be responsible and take better care of himself. We had plans to talk in person, but instead I get a text from him saying, "I cant give you what you need. I need some space. Just know that I really did care for you." I was devestated. If he cares so much for me then why wont he get the help he so desperately needs?
I waited a few weeks, and emailed him. I just told him that I care for him, and he will always be special to me. He wrote me back that he is doing great and I gave him the motivation to get his life together...that he wishes he had met me now, and not back when he was messed up. He said that I am such beautiful, amazing woman and any guy would be so lucky to have me in their life.... it broke my heart to read... he was obviously high when he wrote it. He couldnt have gotten clean in the three weeks since we broke up could he?
Well, just a few weeks after this, I found out he did molly with some friends and hooked up with some girl. It makes me sick to my stomach the thought of him touching, and being close and intimate with another woman. I worry that he may fall for a woman and actually get clean for her... its so pathetic. I still miss him so much. We have mutual friends, and they all tell me I'm too good for him... but our relationship aside, I genuinly worry so much about him. I've heard stories about him overdosing, and it scares me that if he doesn't get help he might kill himself.
I wrote all this with the hopes that some of you might have a better insight to his toughts and feelings. Did he really actually care for me, or was he just using me for company? Is there anything I can do to help him get sober? Am I just being a crazy co-dependant and I should just do whatever I can to forget about him? I don't even know what to do if I run into him... I've never cared so much for a man so quickly. I'm worried about him, and worried there may be something wrong with me that I'm still missing him so much.
I know this was a long thread, so thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it!
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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:ghug3. You may want to take a look at this relationship very closely. Only so that you don't start a pattern of theses types of relationships. You are in pain, I get that but if he is using no girl is going to get him clean. He sounds very I'll.

Did you see the other forums? Like friends and family? Go there and read!
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I would always say whatever was convenient for me when I was drinking or whatever... the last thing an addict wants to hear is heavy duty stuff, the kind of things one such as myself is using to escape from. He won't do the right thing for anyone but himself (based on my own thought train when I was inebriated.)

Hate to say it but move on, only you can take care of yourself in this regard and as cold as it sounds, he is not responsible for your feelings; only you can manage your emotions and you should by simply walking away for good. I lost all respect for some of the people in my life who never did but should have, for their own good.
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Old 11-21-2011, 08:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for the responses, I did some exploring and did find the family and friends forum which was VERY helpful. I am starting to better comprehend the battle, and although I will never fully understand it, I am so thankful for this site, it has really helped me accept what I cannot change. It's very reinforcing for me to be told to walk away from people who are recovering addicts themselves and know better than anyone how to handle a love one with this disease. And you're right Pickkle, people don't respect those who don't respect themselves, and if moving on is the best thing to do then that is what needs to be done. It doesn't mean he is forgotten, just that I need to make myself a priority, and hopefully one day he will do the same.
Before this experience I was completely oblivious to this struggle so Many people face for a lifetime... I no longer feel like I am living in the dark.

Last edited by Kia123; 11-21-2011 at 08:49 AM. Reason: Spelling errors
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Old 11-21-2011, 12:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Kia

I've loved people in my life who, really, it was in my best interests to move on from.

It's not your job to save this man - that's his job.
It's your job to take care of you - and I hope you will

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