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Old 07-28-2011, 12:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm so scared

I am an alcoholic, I need support, I want to stop yet I cant. I am looking for guidance and help here. I'm all alone with a child who has Oppositional Defiance Disorder amongst many other issues since she came into this world. Cant work, drink every day. How do I stop? When I stop all I do is cry.

Thank you for all who respond.
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Old 07-28-2011, 01:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

It's really scary to know that your drinking is out of control and yet, you can't imagine stopping. Know that you can do this. Many of us have felt the fear you are feeling, and we have made it. And, being a Mom is a very hard job with a lot of stress. Do you have a family member who can help out with your child from time to time?
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Old 07-28-2011, 01:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome, cantdothis - I felt so hopeless and helpless too when I realized I couldn't stop drinking, no matter how much I wanted/needed to. I'm glad you're reaching out - it's not an easy thing to do.

Alcohol creates so much anxiety and depression that it just makes us want to drink more. You really need to get it out of your system in order to feel good again emotionally. If you're a daily drinker, it's best to get some medical help to detox. Do you have any support (like family) that can help with your child? Can you get to a doctor?

You're not alone. We all know what it's like. Keep reading and posting - you really can get sober and have a better life, even though it doesn't feel like that right now.
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Old 07-28-2011, 01:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You can stop, its just probably real frightening and overwhelming but you sound frightened and overwhelmed already. If you were having serious medical problems (which you are) you'd seek professional advice and assistance. I don't think needing to stop and feeling unable to is any different. Not much scarier than feeling out of control and helpless. Please seek the help and resources you need to help you help yourself stop drinking. It will begin the regeneration process.
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Old 07-28-2011, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome.....

Thank you for joining us...and yes many of us are winning over alcohol
This can be true for you as well.....

Blessings to you and your child ..
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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What are you scared of?

(I was scared too but I'm curious what you think might happen.)
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Alcohol induces or exasperates chronic depression and anxiety, and the after-effects may linger for a few months, but usually by 90 days you are back to normal. Crying won't hurt you, but continuing to drink will. Many people have quit, some who were horribly addicted, and after decades of drinking.

I too, thought that I could not stop, but I was wrong. No, it was not easy, but it didn't kill me, either. You can quit if you are determined, although you may need to speak to a doctor about a controlled taper if you suffer physical withdrawal.
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Wellcome. Sorry, my english is not very good.

I would suggest to change your nick. That nick (icantdothis) is undermining your self confidence. If you believe you can't do it, you wont be able to do it. "Yeswecan" would be a more appropriate nick.
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:44 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.

I too have a daughter who has Oppositional Defiance Disorder. It is extremely challenging to deal with as a parent. Is your child in any therapy? If not I would suggest it as it may help to alleviate some of the symptoms.

As far as drinking goes. I too had a substantial amount going on in my life when I realized I had to stop drinking as it was out of control and ruining my life but I had no clue how to live life without it and not be more miserable.

What I had to do was find a recovery program to help me. It was only when I did that I was able to find any length of time sober. There are many programs out there. Here is a list of many of them: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information) Personally, AA is the one that worked for me. It has kept me sober for 10 years now. I can say that although getting sober and those first few months can be very hard, it is well worth it. You will find your way out of the darkness. Don't ever give up because it is only when we fail to keep trying that we truly fail.
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Old 07-29-2011, 04:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you to all who have replied

I do not have any family that can help me with my child. She has gone to so many drs it makes my head spin. She also has sensory processing disorder, severe anxiety & panic disorder (although the anxiety & panic is under control after many medication attempts). The psychiatrist is constantly giving her drugs for ODD & SPD. nothing works. She went in the psychiatric hospital once for a month then for a week. THAT killed me to let go of my little girl (8).

My nickname was out of frustration, had a very difficult time signing up here. I couldnt find a nick that was not already used so I threw that in there meaning I cant do this...I cant get on this site!!! Here I am though.

I am afraid of how I am going to feel without drinking cuz I have so much time on my hands, time to think only. I seem to always self destruct since I was young & my parents got divorced & did not treat me right at all. Have had issues with RX drugs, now its just alcohol. To top it off, I have gained fifty pounds over the last year & I feel awful regarding myself.

Was drinking 12 cans a day. Got to the point I was drinking in the morning even. I feel sick all the time. I did go to the dr, he just said to stop drinking. Said I didnt need to taper.

Have gone to AA previously and did not like it at all for many many reasons. How does one stop drinking & deal with everything completely alone, all the feelings that come after.

This all started after a relationship ended a year ago. He was the most wonderful person in the world. I felt like my ship had finally come in. We were so good together. He still admits to this day that we had something together that he never had in his life. I have stayed in contact via phone with him for the last year, cant see him though as I still love him & I'm afraid I will feel worse i I see him. He has asked me out a million times over the last year, just as friends though. I dont want him to see me fat like this

I feel like a mess. Cant even clean my house, just too depressed.
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Also, I am gaining one to two pounds a day
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:21 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Have you seen a doctor for your depression/anxiety issues? I'm on day 9 of sobriety and I have an appointment on Tuesday to talk to my doc about getting some anxiety meds. I totally understand your weight gain issue as well. I put on nearly 100 lbs in one year. That was the year I had a breakdown. Maybe your doctor could help you prevent going through what I went through.
My daughter has autism, and my husband is frequently deployed because of the military. I developed a drinking problem because I thought it helped me deal with the stress. But I've found that drinking brought me a lot *more* stress than not.
Best of luck to you!
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Old 07-29-2011, 05:29 AM   #13 (permalink)
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cantdothisalone,
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and what you are going through. And not having any family to support you makes it 10 times more difficult...I know because I didn't get support from my family.
The weight gain has alot to do with the alcohol. And also the depression probably makes you eat to comfort yourself.
But YOU CAN DO THIS, because you are no longer alone...you have everyone here. Like you, I went to AA and I didn't like it and it just didn't work for me. Then I found SR and it works. I have only been here for a short time, but I haven't felt this good in a very long time. The support, caring and wonderful advice from all these incredibly caring people will get you through this, I'm sure. Hugs
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Old 07-29-2011, 07:20 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by cantdothis View Post
When I stop all I do is cry.
Welcome to SR!

When I quit, I did a lot of crying. There is a chemical thing, I think that makes you cry and also after drinking heavily for so long my life was pretty crap. I was a crappy mother and wife. Alcoholism makes you very selfish, I think. Or maybe I was always that way and it predisposed me to alcoholism IDK. Anyway I had a lot to cry about.

So I cried a lot.

But you know what, time passed and I did things to make myself feel happy. I looked at normal people in the world and copied them. My friend who gets her nails done. My friend who is into tea. My friend who lost 60lbs and fell in love with the gym. I looked at all those people and tried some of what they were doing. And slowly life began to come together.

ODD is a difficult dx. I hope you can find some good support for that.

Good luck to you and your lovely daughter. Without alcohol, things can only get better
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Old 07-29-2011, 07:47 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome. I know what you mean about the weight gain. I gained about 100 pounds the last couple of years of my drinking, which only made me want to drink more because I felt so crappy about myself. I also know how you feel about having too much time to think. I am home with my 8 year old son and that gives me a ton of time to think, which is never good. I basically isolated myself off from the world completely.
I think you just need to start somewhere. You will find that the weight will come off and mentally you will feel so much clearer if you can stop drinking. I wasn't one of those people who just was able to quit and be done with alcohol...for me it was a journey with lots of slip-ups and revelations. The important thing is to not give up no matter what. I am now alcohol-free and life is so much better! I also went to a psychiatrist to get anxiety meds and am now seeing a therapist, which helps a lot. Just keep working on it and you'll get there. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself!
Best of luck!
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantdothis View Post

I am afraid of how I am going to feel without drinking cuz I have so much time on my hands, time to think only. I seem to always self destruct since I was young & my parents got divorced & did not treat me right at all. Have had issues with RX drugs, now its just alcohol. To top it off, I have gained fifty pounds over the last year & I feel awful regarding myself.
...
I feel like a mess. Cant even clean my house, just too depressed.
Ok, well first of all like was suggested before, you should look into whether depression (not just "down in the dumps" but clinical depression) is a factor.

Now think about what's scaring you. Is drinking really what's preventing you from self-destruction? Is it solving your weight issue? Does it make you think more clearly? I understand being scared- I was scared too. But I found after a very short while, like 2 weeks, that most of those fears were unfounded.

The fact that you're posting here is a good sign that you're ready for help. Hope you stick around.
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:16 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Cantdothis - It IS possible. I am a recovering alcoholic and a struggling recovering drug addict. I am also a SAHM and homeschool my autistic and adhd child. It IS so very hard. Scared of the unknown. I suffer from chronic pain and mental illnesses and with all of this going on, I am finally in (early) recovery. I am married but I might as well be a single mother. Taking care of a child with special needs of any kind is such a challenge in itself. You can recover with the right tools. For me, SR has been a great source of help, 2 different therapists, a psychiatrist and the couple of friends that I have made on here whom I've grown close to. Very important to have some sort of support. I don't know how much you've been drinking or for how long but medical detox might be a safe option as detox can be quite dangerous to some. *hugs*
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome! I agree with the person who suggested changing the username to something positive. It's hard to sign up here and admit you need to be here and I admire you for doing so. Looking at a username that makes you feel like you can do this will help.

There are probably online support groups to help you deal with the issues of caring for your daughter which might make you feel less alone in what you're coping with.

If the man you were involved with keeps contacting you and wants to stay in your life that's a good sign. Maybe issues with drinking are preventing him from making a stronger commitment to you. He sounds like someone willing to be a friend and you never know what will happen down the line!
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Old 07-29-2011, 04:32 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I didn't like AA in the beginning either. Today I know it saved my life.

Suggestions:

AA online chatroom

Search AA speakers and listen

Read the online Alcoholics Anonymous book

Try a face to face meeting with an open mind
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Old 07-29-2011, 04:39 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Wellcome. Sorry, my english is not very good.

I would suggest to change your nick. That nick (icantdothis) is undermining your self confidence. If you believe you can't do it, you wont be able to do it. "Yeswecan" would be a more appropriate nick.
I was thinking the same thing. There is so much power in attitude and positive thinking.

You can do this!
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