One Year and Under Club Part 39
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Hey Undies...
I see some of you were partying on SR over the weekend....Nice!
Many heart-felt posts as well..... Sharing these stories is certainly part of the healing process too.
I conquered what was a collapse last November, when I failed on day 54, November 9th 2013. I'm at 56 today...
I'm feeling bored and that worries me! I'm trying to embrace the fact that I have nothing to worry about. I guess I got used to trying to piece things back together regularly and now there's nothing urgent to re-assemble.
Does anyone ever feel like they should being doing something they're not doing, but you don't know what it is. I cannot put my finger on it. I know it's very vague.....
I see some of you were partying on SR over the weekend....Nice!
Many heart-felt posts as well..... Sharing these stories is certainly part of the healing process too.
I conquered what was a collapse last November, when I failed on day 54, November 9th 2013. I'm at 56 today...
I'm feeling bored and that worries me! I'm trying to embrace the fact that I have nothing to worry about. I guess I got used to trying to piece things back together regularly and now there's nothing urgent to re-assemble.
Does anyone ever feel like they should being doing something they're not doing, but you don't know what it is. I cannot put my finger on it. I know it's very vague.....
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I know the feeling. Just forcing myself to do and think stuff feels artificial and ineffective. I often find that I can feel this restlessness very strongly on one day, but feel much more under control the next day.
Sometimes the restlessness and malaise lasts for a longer time. If nothing jumps out at me to do, I just try to breathe out tension and still my thoughts. Sometimes I evade the whole issue and watch movies to fill my head with non-brooding action.
Sometimes the restlessness and malaise lasts for a longer time. If nothing jumps out at me to do, I just try to breathe out tension and still my thoughts. Sometimes I evade the whole issue and watch movies to fill my head with non-brooding action.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
NT, yep! I've had that restlessness where nothing seems to quite get me out of that spot. For me, it finally started improving when I realized that I had loads more time available and wasn't used to needing to make the effort to fill the time available. It started becoming circular so I went on a quest to solve it. I'm retired so didn't have a focus. I decided that to start with I would get out of my apartment and be around people at least once every day. I'm working to get myself on a regular schedule with regular physical activity, somewhat predictable bedtimes, etc. AA meetings also provide socialization if I let them and physical activity helps my brain a lot. I'm taking a class, about to start a meditation class, volunteer at our local "iPad cafe" sessions for senior citizens drop in help, etc. I still leave plenty of time to read, relax, take in a play or movie, etc. No more restlessness :-)
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
NT, for me, I didn't realize how much time drinking, planning drinking, sourcing drinking supplies, and pretending to be engaged in activities so I could drink took up of my time. Apparently these activities with the sneaking around and the strategizing were much more interesting than my regular mundane everyday life stuff. Hey, sneaking around to engage in cloak and dagger drinking is way more exciting than watching Netflix......
I too am fighting through the same malaise, so have decided to engage in activity to actively address the underlying causes that I used to justify my drinking (please note how I phrased that). Doing research about myself, religion, addiction and psychology has been extremely rewarding, and has brought me closer to a "normal" life - whatever that is.
I too am fighting through the same malaise, so have decided to engage in activity to actively address the underlying causes that I used to justify my drinking (please note how I phrased that). Doing research about myself, religion, addiction and psychology has been extremely rewarding, and has brought me closer to a "normal" life - whatever that is.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Glad all went well with the return Gilmer 
welcome messyliver!
the best punk is punk with a sense of humour Sparky
no offense to anyone with asthma btw - I have it, sometimes badly, and I've always loved this song...so silly it cheers me up
welcome messyliver!
the best punk is punk with a sense of humour Sparky
no offense to anyone with asthma btw - I have it, sometimes badly, and I've always loved this song...so silly it cheers me up
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,180
Welcome back ML.
Hey BF, so happy for you at hitting 4 months. No regrets, but my life might have turned out with much less turmoil if I had taken recovery seriously at your age. Congrats, young lady!!
Just a quick pop in as I am watching the Steelers kick some booty on MNF.
Hey BF, so happy for you at hitting 4 months. No regrets, but my life might have turned out with much less turmoil if I had taken recovery seriously at your age. Congrats, young lady!!
Just a quick pop in as I am watching the Steelers kick some booty on MNF.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Gilmer - I'm glad your return to your dad's doctor's office went smoothly.
NeverThought - Congratulations on making it to Day 56, your longest period of sobriety. You did it! And you can keep doing it! I have been vaguely dissatisfied for years. I can point to lots of things over the years that I wished were different. I kind of forgot about those things during active addiction, but it returned when I quit drinking. I'm still untangling what it's all about. I've come to realize that I don't need to keep trying new things to ease the feeling. I need to feel it, accept that's how I feel. I hope to be guided by my authentic values, rather than by seeking relief from a transient feeling.
Hi MessyLiver - Towards the end, my drinking was out of control, when I had a little bit or a lot. There are lots of good conversations on this thread. Welcome!
Saskia - You sound very fulfilled.
Sparky - Excitement. Yes. That's what I craved. I didn't know how to be satisfied with Netflix and popcorn.
Hi Carlos & Drake!
Have a good night Undies!
NeverThought - Congratulations on making it to Day 56, your longest period of sobriety. You did it! And you can keep doing it!
I have been vaguely dissatisfied for years. I can point to lots of things over the years that I wished were different. I kind of forgot about those things during active addiction, but it returned when I quit drinking. I'm still untangling what it's all about. I've come to realize that I don't need to keep trying new things to ease the feeling. I need to feel it, accept that's how I feel. I hope to be guided by my authentic values, rather than by seeking relief from a transient feeling. Hi MessyLiver - Towards the end, my drinking was out of control, when I had a little bit or a lot. There are lots of good conversations on this thread. Welcome!
Saskia - You sound very fulfilled.
Sparky - Excitement. Yes. That's what I craved. I didn't know how to be satisfied with Netflix and popcorn.
Hi Carlos & Drake!
Have a good night Undies!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Sparky and dee thanks for the punk music posts!
Welcome messy liver!
NT Ya I am still trying to figure out what interests me and some hobbies to take up time. Great job getting past the 54 days mark.
GF I'm doing ok. The AV has been at bay and quoted down some. I'm grateful for my 4 months sober and continue to move forward.
Else I do womp 5 days a week but this past one was an exception with 6 days of womping. A massage sounds wonderful!
Thanks everyone for the congrats. I'm very happy to be 4 months sober. I still have so much to learn and have learned so much already from each and every one of you. My sobriety would not be possible without all the support I receive here. I treated myself to some gelato today, mint chocolate chip!
Welcome messy liver!
NT Ya I am still trying to figure out what interests me and some hobbies to take up time. Great job getting past the 54 days mark.
GF I'm doing ok. The AV has been at bay and quoted down some. I'm grateful for my 4 months sober and continue to move forward.
Else I do womp 5 days a week but this past one was an exception with 6 days of womping. A massage sounds wonderful!
Thanks everyone for the congrats. I'm very happy to be 4 months sober. I still have so much to learn and have learned so much already from each and every one of you. My sobriety would not be possible without all the support I receive here. I treated myself to some gelato today, mint chocolate chip!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
I gave two more goals of past failures. 2nd is day (63) coming quickly. And the 3rd is day (84). The sky is the limit from there on.
Nevertheless, thank you, everyone" for the suggestions and you're relating to my feelings.. Of course, I still have to be a father and husband, but I have do have free time to do some soul-searching...
Nevertheless, thank you, everyone" for the suggestions and you're relating to my feelings.. Of course, I still have to be a father and husband, but I have do have free time to do some soul-searching...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
NT - When I first stopped drinking, it seemed monumental for me to leave behind my responsibilities for a 1 hour AA meeting in my town once a week. During the hour that I was gone, my phone would blow up with requests from the needy people in my life. It's taken me months to get to the point where I realize that I need time away from my family to work on my recovery. Hey, if my husband gets to zone out in front of the TV at night (a solo act if there ever was one), why can't I do something for myself?
At first he wasn't happy when I went. I ignored the silent treatments and lousy attitudes and eventually they stopped. They were replaced with his speculation that I was overreacting to my problem with alcohol. I had some recovery tools at that point to be firm that I needed AA. Then his next approach was to belittle my attendance at AA as a midlife crisis. I disagreed, and haven't stopped going, and he's stopped trying to stop me.
Recovery definitely changed the dynamics of our relationship. The hung over, exhausted, anxious, dependent person I had slowly become in active addiction has been replaced by a healthy, confident, relatively peaceful person who has her own sense of what she wants. That's the person he married, incidentally. I've mused on this thread what came first, the depression or the addiction, and I've come to think that they happened concurrently, in a dual downward spiral. It takes work to get out of that, and work to stay out of that.
My sponsor says that everything you put before your sobriety, you stand the chance to lose. So, NT, I know you're juggling work and family, but you need to look after yourself, first. It's not easy to change what you've been doing all these years, but it reminds me of the slogan that the only thing you need to change when getting sober is everything.
At first he wasn't happy when I went. I ignored the silent treatments and lousy attitudes and eventually they stopped. They were replaced with his speculation that I was overreacting to my problem with alcohol. I had some recovery tools at that point to be firm that I needed AA. Then his next approach was to belittle my attendance at AA as a midlife crisis. I disagreed, and haven't stopped going, and he's stopped trying to stop me.
Recovery definitely changed the dynamics of our relationship. The hung over, exhausted, anxious, dependent person I had slowly become in active addiction has been replaced by a healthy, confident, relatively peaceful person who has her own sense of what she wants. That's the person he married, incidentally. I've mused on this thread what came first, the depression or the addiction, and I've come to think that they happened concurrently, in a dual downward spiral. It takes work to get out of that, and work to stay out of that.
My sponsor says that everything you put before your sobriety, you stand the chance to lose. So, NT, I know you're juggling work and family, but you need to look after yourself, first. It's not easy to change what you've been doing all these years, but it reminds me of the slogan that the only thing you need to change when getting sober is everything.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good morning, undies!
BF, as far as finding things to keep me feeling better: I originally kept trying to come up with a "Plan" but somehow never got there. So I switched to adding one thing at a time to my life and doing it in moderation ( moderation was never my strong suit). That has worked better for me. You sound strong and on a roll. Keep it up! :-)
Glee, sometimes I feel fulfilled, sometimes not. That's life! I've had a number of long sober spells and do my learning/growing (I hope!) during those times. The sober spells have been getting longer and I plan on having this one be permanent, one day at a time. Many years of therapy, both individual and group, yoga, meditation and various other things have helped. Sometimes I think I'm a slow learner but realize that each time I grow, I slide back only part way so it's never lost. I'm human. And I need blissful and sometimes harrowing breaks from working on myself and just experience life as it unfolds. I admire how you are working through your challenges!
NT, keep on keeping on! I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress!
Have a great day to all.
BF, as far as finding things to keep me feeling better: I originally kept trying to come up with a "Plan" but somehow never got there. So I switched to adding one thing at a time to my life and doing it in moderation ( moderation was never my strong suit). That has worked better for me. You sound strong and on a roll. Keep it up! :-)
Glee, sometimes I feel fulfilled, sometimes not. That's life! I've had a number of long sober spells and do my learning/growing (I hope!) during those times. The sober spells have been getting longer and I plan on having this one be permanent, one day at a time. Many years of therapy, both individual and group, yoga, meditation and various other things have helped. Sometimes I think I'm a slow learner but realize that each time I grow, I slide back only part way so it's never lost. I'm human. And I need blissful and sometimes harrowing breaks from working on myself and just experience life as it unfolds. I admire how you are working through your challenges!
NT, keep on keeping on! I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress!
Have a great day to all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Sass - I slid back into the abyss, into total darkness in alcoholism. I didn't realize it til I was sober for a little while, though. In the past, my personal reflection was driven by what ever disaster I was facing at that moment. Today I find that by nurturing the spiritual side of myself, I'm not constantly fighting fires, which is nice, and gives me the chance to just be me more often. I don't "work" on myself every moment of every day, though, or even every week, although I am becoming more of a person of action, instead of just the idea man, in sobriety.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by Neverthought 
Of course, I still have to be a father and husband, but I have do have free time to do some soul-searching...
My wife and kids prefer sober dad to drunk argumentative dad, and have no issues giving me the rope I need to get sober. Chances are your wife and kids will be more than encouraging if you need the necessary time to either reflect, research, or meet with those who can help you.
Originally Posted by gleefan
At first he wasn't happy when I went. I ignored the silent treatments and lousy attitudes and eventually they stopped. They were replaced with his speculation that I was overreacting to my problem with alcohol. I had some recovery tools at that point to be firm that I needed AA. Then his next approach was to belittle my attendance at AA as a midlife crisis. I disagreed, and haven't stopped going, and he's stopped trying to stop me.
Funny how when we get sober, others hold up a mirror to themselves and either like what they see, or don't. If they don't like what they see, they too adopt different drinking habits (I saw this with my golf partner this summer), or they belittle you because they are still in the same place where we were.
Edit: Just realized I cleared 100 days last week and didn't even notice! Guess not drinking is becoming the new normal when you quit counting. It's not how long since I last drank. Now, I simply don't drink.
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