GemmaMcc

I know that some may think the answer is simple to the question " what should I do?" But as iv come to discover, it's not as easy to leave as I though it would be, I feel ASIF he's choosing alcohol over us ( his family) and almost making that decision for me in a way. I always said that if he lost one more job or when he started to lie to my face or even if we was put in a position where we would lose everything.. The house and family and friends that I would leave.. But it's really difficult, I don't want to take my daughter away from him eather, but the truth is he has lost yet another job and spent everything that was left on alcohol and I'm so tired of this now... Is there anyone else out there or am I just on my own planet here? X

CodeJob

Hello Gemma,

It sounds like you made a boundary and now you don't want to enforce it.

For me, I often think if I did not enforce boundaries on my child, he'd run around ill-behaved and be a spoiled brat.

Dealing with active addicts is pretty much the same thing. If you don't stick to your boundaries, you are going to suffer their poor behavior.

BellaBlue

I, too, felt that the AH was choosing alcohol over the family. I kept telling him I would not live this way forever, but he didn't believe me. When he finally admitted to others he knew he was an alcoholic but would not do anything about it, I made the agonizing decision to separate and eventually divorce. He is dead now and our adult children do believe he chose alcohol over them.

Kindeyes

When (or if) the fear and pain of leaving becomes less than the fear and pain of staying, you will make a decision. It's a difficult process. I made that decision 32 years ago with my AXH and I do not regret it. You're not there and that's ok. Everyone makes a decision to stay or leave based on their own circumstances and tolerance levels. There is no right answer.

Take care of you.

GemmaMcc

ThAnkyou to everyone who has commented in my post, at times I feel like I'm going insane battling weather leaving him is the right thing to do, and am I being too harsh, he openly admits that I deserve better and that I should just leave him too it, but when you love somebody you find it difficult to give up in them, I still have hope and I do t know why???... It's clear that he isn't going to get better, personally I don't think he wants to stop!... But it's so difficult to be harsh with him when there is still a lovely person trapped inside Hun deep down still.. I don't know?... Is it time to walk away or should u carry in fighting to help him get better....? In so tired!.... ThAnkyou xxx
Gem

BellaBlue

Separating for a time doesn't necessarily mean you will divorce. Maybe consider a separation with the intent that he seeks help for his addiction. That's tough love, but you must be willing to accept that it may not work - he may not be willing to do the hard work of getting sober and staying sober.

I wish you did not have to make this choice. No matter what you do, stay or go, there will be difficulties. I really do understand the situation you are in. I sincerely hope you can find peace.

SparkleKitty

I can't make clear-headed decisions when I am in the middle of chaos. I have to carve out some time and space away from whatever is stirred up in order to gain the perspective needed to make a decision.

This isn't an all-or-nothing game. If you can get some time and space from the situation you can't make the best decision for you and the kids. Sending strength and hugs.

Muunray

I'm the alcoholic. I'm a very nice person inside too. I chose to drink myself into oblivion for 32 years. I took everyone that would let me, especially the people who loved me, along on this torturous ride with me.

Lilro

Hi Gemma

Good for you for reaching out. I also struggled with leaving the situation as I am sure we all did. I'm a divorced mother of a teenager who just recently left my ABF of 5 years. For myself I can tell you that I needed to set an example to my son in leaving the situation. What kind of example was I showing him about being in a healthy relationship if I had stayed? What if he came home one day to find my ABF passed out in a pool of blood as I did? What kind of example of a man was he showing to my child? The thought of all this made me physically ill. That's when I knew it was time to give him the choice of him quitting and getting help or me leaving. Yes, he chose alcohol over us but as I read through so many of these posts I see that this is common. I must say, he was shocked that I actually kept my word and left giving him now an excuse for a week long binge. I'm just glad My son and I werent there to witness it.
You will know when the time is right... Don't feel bad. You have a child to also consider when making your decision.
Take back your power girl... You've got this! Hugs to you!

SlippyCoco

I am in the EXACT same boat. You are definitely NOT alone. This sucks!!!

hopeful21

Please know you are most definitely not alone.
I've been married to
My husband for 10 years and the last four have been a roller coaster of realizing his addiction, the unravelling of our marriage, bond, and partnership, dealing with his denial, clinging to false hope, hearing his lies, watching him lose his career, letting his depression take me down too, and realizing I want MORE than this in my life but STILL struggling with what I deep down know is a false hope that he will change, seek the help he needs, and do the REALLY hard work needed to fix his life, our marriage, and my trust. Yet STIIL I am here feeling stuck and constrained by financial issues and hope for the man I love so deeply, but KNOW I deserve real respect, peace, and joy that has been SO absent in my life. I don't deserve any of this but struggle immensely with letting go and getting off this roller coaster that allows him to drag me on with him...