Bebeeex0

I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and he's been sober for over 2 years. He had an alcohol, Percocet and cocaine addiction. He's one of the strongest people I know and always knew he was on the wrong path with drugs and with his family's help he got clean. He disconnected from addict friends, enrolled in college, met me almost a year into his sobriety, and he works. He always says the thought of doing drugs disgusts him now and that the few times he's drank since getting out of rehab it doesn't get him off like it usually does. He even stopped looking at porn when he learned it can trigger the same things in the brain as using drugs. The other day he said 10-15 years down the road that if someone brings cocaine to a party he may "take a few lines." I got upset and he said he was only thinking out loud and likely wouldn't do it. I've had nightmares about him relapsing. He's made so much progress-gaining weight when he was at an unhealthy weight, getting in shape, going back to school, quit cigarettes, hasn't relapsed once, has a girlfriend, best friend and family, and works full time. I get scared of him relapsing, and he said sometimes he thinks about drugs. When he had a concussion the doctor prescribed medication and he took a lot of it quickly rather than spacing it out, and he said it scared him and he doesn't wanna take medication anymore . Is there any way I can help him? I'm scared of him getting hurt

Bekindalways

Welcome Bebeex0. I am so glad you found us. You are right to be concerned.

The best thing you can do for both yourself and your boyfriend is educate yourself about being in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic even if the person is well into recovery. The stickies at the top of this thread are a good place to start.

It is a bit different for you as he is not currently using but the common understanding here is that you absolutely can not help someone stay clean; the best thing you can do is take care or your own problems or as is often said, stay on your side of the street.

atalose

What kind of a relapse prevention program does he work? AA? NA? group?

To me he sounds like he's already in relapse mode.

hopeful4

The reality of being with an addict, even one working recovery, is that he can, and likely will, relapse again at some point. Only you know if you can handle that or not because it's correct, it leads to a lot of hurt.

I am sorry for what brings you here, but very glad you are here. Welcome.

whyme1975

Well said, Belindalways. I tried to "help" my husband to stay off of crack and it nearly drove
Me insane. I started to read "codependent no more". I forget the authors name but you should really read it. It helped me a lot to separate myself from the addict in my life. They will make you as sick as you are if you go down the rabbit hole with them while trying to save them. That book and this website really helped me to get myself healthy and create some healthy boundaries in my situation. You cannot help an addict. And be careful with how much you "support" them too. They need to do it on their own.

PlasticInsanity

How can you help him stay sober? You can't.

Actually, scratch that. You can indirectly help him by putting in boundaries, and not enabling any unhealthy behaviours.

I was told in early recovery, to stay clean (I'm in NA) you have to put in the same effort into your recovery that was put into getting drugs. If I could walk an hour in -30C weather to pick up, I can tough it out to walk to a meeting (and I have lol thanks Canada). My point is, if he wants it that bad, he'll do it with or without your help - but if his recovery tanks, he will probably take advantage of your help and you could end up enabling him.