Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,455
Sounds like he may still be using--going to his mother's will give him more "freedom" to get access to drugs and use.
Addicts don't like too much attention to what their doing sometimes because it is unwarrented, but often because
they sense their game isn't working, so they distance themselves--the "you don't trust me so I'm moving out" is pretty classic
among addicts--you see it described hundreds of times here and quite often they were using and covering it up.
I strongly suggest you cancel any credit cards, gas cards, and move money out of any accounts he has access to.
His mother will see to his basic needs--protect yourself and trust your gut instinct.
An easy way to cancel the cards is call up the company and say they were lost, and they will issue a new number
on the account. The old ones don't work anymore.
I also think the "gas scam" or selling / pawning things may be where the money is coming from.
He also may have asked for a loan from one of his friend's at the union hall, since he's laid off.
Hopefully, I'm incorrect and he's not using, but if he has food and shelter, he should be OK and he
needs to get it together without endless petty cash from you and pull his weight.
I'm sorry saw. . .so hard to deal with this stuff, but you and kids must come first right now.
I think extra support for you would be really helpful--you're so used to policing him stepping back will be hard.
Addicts don't like too much attention to what their doing sometimes because it is unwarrented, but often because
they sense their game isn't working, so they distance themselves--the "you don't trust me so I'm moving out" is pretty classic
among addicts--you see it described hundreds of times here and quite often they were using and covering it up.
I strongly suggest you cancel any credit cards, gas cards, and move money out of any accounts he has access to.
His mother will see to his basic needs--protect yourself and trust your gut instinct.
An easy way to cancel the cards is call up the company and say they were lost, and they will issue a new number
on the account. The old ones don't work anymore.
I also think the "gas scam" or selling / pawning things may be where the money is coming from.
He also may have asked for a loan from one of his friend's at the union hall, since he's laid off.
Hopefully, I'm incorrect and he's not using, but if he has food and shelter, he should be OK and he
needs to get it together without endless petty cash from you and pull his weight.
I'm sorry saw. . .so hard to deal with this stuff, but you and kids must come first right now.
I think extra support for you would be really helpful--you're so used to policing him stepping back will be hard.
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by cynical one 
His knees hurt too bad to run a vacuum, dust, and do dishes in his own home, but they are OK when he is moving furniture and boxes for some random woman...how does that work?
And, if he has no access to money how is he able to buy gas, coffee, and dinner out?
A very good boundary is "I don't run a flop house, everyone needs to contribute both financially and/or physically to the home, and if they don't- they need to find elsewhere to be a bum".
It sounds like you are contributing 100% to the family finances, the upkeep of the home, and the care of the children and he is contributing 0%. There is no balance at all.
You're kickass and can take care of yourself and your kids on your own...what are you getting out of this?
And, if he has no access to money how is he able to buy gas, coffee, and dinner out?
A very good boundary is "I don't run a flop house, everyone needs to contribute both financially and/or physically to the home, and if they don't- they need to find elsewhere to be a bum".
It sounds like you are contributing 100% to the family finances, the upkeep of the home, and the care of the children and he is contributing 0%. There is no balance at all.
You're kickass and can take care of yourself and your kids on your own...what are you getting out of this?
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by incitingsilence
He is a contradiction, I know you see it.
And the buying gas. Is it actually making it into the car? I love the gas scam. You go to station offer to put gas in someone else’s car under the pretense that you need cash. You pay for their gas on card, they give you cash and that is that.
And while you cannot understand you are not naïve. And his actions and words don’t match. And trust was broken, most in recovery get that and know that if they are walking the walk it will be obvious and when they aren’t it will equally as obvious. If he actually is clean, this is also early for you too and you get the same break if you are being insane
You will have your own stuff to undo.
Did he leave this morning to go to his moms?
TGIF!
And the buying gas. Is it actually making it into the car? I love the gas scam. You go to station offer to put gas in someone else’s car under the pretense that you need cash. You pay for their gas on card, they give you cash and that is that.
And while you cannot understand you are not naïve. And his actions and words don’t match. And trust was broken, most in recovery get that and know that if they are walking the walk it will be obvious and when they aren’t it will equally as obvious. If he actually is clean, this is also early for you too and you get the same break if you are being insane
You will have your own stuff to undo. Did he leave this morning to go to his moms?
TGIF!
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Sounds like he may still be using--going to his mother's will give him more "freedom" to get access to drugs and use.
Addicts don't like too much attention to what their doing sometimes because it is unwarrented, but often because
they sense their game isn't working, so they distance themselves--the "you don't trust me so I'm moving out" is pretty classic
among addicts--you see it described hundreds of times here and quite often they were using and covering it up.
I strongly suggest you cancel any credit cards, gas cards, and move money out of any accounts he has access to.
His mother will see to his basic needs--protect yourself and trust your gut instinct.
An easy way to cancel the cards is call up the company and say they were lost, and they will issue a new number
on the account. The old ones don't work anymore.
I also think the "gas scam" or selling / pawning things may be where the money is coming from.
He also may have asked for a loan from one of his friend's at the union hall, since he's laid off.
Hopefully, I'm incorrect and he's not using, but if he has food and shelter, he should be OK and he
needs to get it together without endless petty cash from you and pull his weight.
I'm sorry saw. . .so hard to deal with this stuff, but you and kids must come first right now.
I think extra support for you would be really helpful--you're so used to policing him stepping back will be hard.
Addicts don't like too much attention to what their doing sometimes because it is unwarrented, but often because
they sense their game isn't working, so they distance themselves--the "you don't trust me so I'm moving out" is pretty classic
among addicts--you see it described hundreds of times here and quite often they were using and covering it up.
I strongly suggest you cancel any credit cards, gas cards, and move money out of any accounts he has access to.
His mother will see to his basic needs--protect yourself and trust your gut instinct.
An easy way to cancel the cards is call up the company and say they were lost, and they will issue a new number
on the account. The old ones don't work anymore.
I also think the "gas scam" or selling / pawning things may be where the money is coming from.
He also may have asked for a loan from one of his friend's at the union hall, since he's laid off.
Hopefully, I'm incorrect and he's not using, but if he has food and shelter, he should be OK and he
needs to get it together without endless petty cash from you and pull his weight.
I'm sorry saw. . .so hard to deal with this stuff, but you and kids must come first right now.
I think extra support for you would be really helpful--you're so used to policing him stepping back will be hard.
grouphug:
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