My AH stole from me, but I cant prove it can I still go to the police?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
My AH stole from me, but I cant prove it can I still go to the police?
Hi All
This morning I put 250 in my wallet 2 100 notes and 1 50 note and then went to pack lunch for my son for school. I wanted to give him some money to buy a cold drink during recess. But when I opened my wallet the 50 was gone. I know my child does not steal nor does he lie. He always always always asks if he wants some money.
So I am ashamed to say but I lost it. Because I knew it could only be my AH who took that money. So I asked him and obviously he denied it and an argument ensued. I have told him before if he ever takes my stuff money etc. I will call the police and I want to do that but he will just deny it. He said this morning how would he even know there was a 50 in my wallet if I did not show him how much money I had. So I could be lying to him
So yes this is where we are at, at the moment.
Sad thing is a year or so ago I called the police and he explained himself out of the situation and blamed me and guess what... they believed him and left. So I am at a loss here.
I feel so bad, about this morning his colleague was there waiting for him and I lost it and I said well if you wanna do meth use your own money and not mine. (we were in the bedroom and his friend was waiting in the lounge) I apologised to the guy but I just know now he is going to talk about AH meth abuse and the story will do the rounds and eventually his boss will find out. Well I regret losing my temper and not counting my words but clearly AH does not care so if this leaks out then so be it. I dont know why I got so enraged I guess its because he kept on denying it and treating me like I am crazy. Feeling really bad about losing my temper.
This morning I put 250 in my wallet 2 100 notes and 1 50 note and then went to pack lunch for my son for school. I wanted to give him some money to buy a cold drink during recess. But when I opened my wallet the 50 was gone. I know my child does not steal nor does he lie. He always always always asks if he wants some money.
So I am ashamed to say but I lost it. Because I knew it could only be my AH who took that money. So I asked him and obviously he denied it and an argument ensued. I have told him before if he ever takes my stuff money etc. I will call the police and I want to do that but he will just deny it. He said this morning how would he even know there was a 50 in my wallet if I did not show him how much money I had. So I could be lying to him
So yes this is where we are at, at the moment. Sad thing is a year or so ago I called the police and he explained himself out of the situation and blamed me and guess what... they believed him and left. So I am at a loss here.
I feel so bad, about this morning his colleague was there waiting for him and I lost it and I said well if you wanna do meth use your own money and not mine. (we were in the bedroom and his friend was waiting in the lounge) I apologised to the guy but I just know now he is going to talk about AH meth abuse and the story will do the rounds and eventually his boss will find out. Well I regret losing my temper and not counting my words but clearly AH does not care so if this leaks out then so be it. I dont know why I got so enraged I guess its because he kept on denying it and treating me like I am crazy. Feeling really bad about losing my temper.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That is terrible. I am so sorry. I am sad to say, you can report it but nothing will come of it. With a meth user in the home, I would not have any money and nothing of any value left out b/c they will surely come and rob you blind. Sad fact.
Do you have any boundaries formed or anything?? Meth use will escalate, quickly. It's awful. I hope you get help for yourself and your son.
Tight hugs!
Do you have any boundaries formed or anything?? Meth use will escalate, quickly. It's awful. I hope you get help for yourself and your son.
Tight hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
I lost some very nice jewerly back in the 1980's will never be able to replace it and the guy that took it I trusted with my life.. untill he tried to kill me... no kidding.. tell someone nope but here's what I did I knew my kids would not walk off with the hearts.. so we formed a bond.. and they watched with out Tom knowing it.. and came to me the moment they wittnessed the problem.. at least I had more eyes watching what went on in the house.. after I lost the first never kept my good stuff in the same place.. and most of the time hide it in the basement only changed things on me when I had been doing the washing.. he never guessed..
money same thing never put anything of value in my purse untill it come out of my jean or pants pockets... why do so many women keep everything in their bras.. ekekekekek nope not that ... so make a plan hold to the plan and prevent him for walking off with important balance to you and your childrens lives.. yep.. ardy.. prayers kiddo prayers...
money same thing never put anything of value in my purse untill it come out of my jean or pants pockets... why do so many women keep everything in their bras.. ekekekekek nope not that ... so make a plan hold to the plan and prevent him for walking off with important balance to you and your childrens lives.. yep.. ardy.. prayers kiddo prayers...
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((AC))
I hate that you are in this situation ~ it is very painful when your loved ones betray your trust ~
I lived with this for many years ~ thinking, hoping, praying things would change ~ they didn't.
The more I tried to hide money, my purse, my vehicle keys, my checkbook, my daughter's money ~ the more (my now ex) found & took things that were not his to support his disease.
At the end of the marriage ~ my vehicle stayed locked & I slept with my keys & cell phone under my pillow.
Now Really is that any way to live? Well I decided it wasn't for me . . .
The sad part is now almost 7 yrs later, I still am careful about where I leave my purse, I still have money hidden and I keep my cell phone close to me at all times. The damage of living that kind of life for over 16 years doesn't ever go away; nor does the affects it had on my daughters.
Think about what kind of life you want. . . you deserve a peaceful life . . . your husband has the right to chose a better life too ~ hopefully one day he will, but never forget you can do what you need to do to take care of you ~ even if it is only little steps at a time.
just my e, s, & h
I hate that you are in this situation ~ it is very painful when your loved ones betray your trust ~
I lived with this for many years ~ thinking, hoping, praying things would change ~ they didn't.
The more I tried to hide money, my purse, my vehicle keys, my checkbook, my daughter's money ~ the more (my now ex) found & took things that were not his to support his disease.
At the end of the marriage ~ my vehicle stayed locked & I slept with my keys & cell phone under my pillow.
Now Really is that any way to live? Well I decided it wasn't for me . . .
The sad part is now almost 7 yrs later, I still am careful about where I leave my purse, I still have money hidden and I keep my cell phone close to me at all times. The damage of living that kind of life for over 16 years doesn't ever go away; nor does the affects it had on my daughters.
Think about what kind of life you want. . . you deserve a peaceful life . . . your husband has the right to chose a better life too ~ hopefully one day he will, but never forget you can do what you need to do to take care of you ~ even if it is only little steps at a time.
just my e, s, & h
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
My AH stole thousands from me. . Most of it ended up in pawn shops and in the UK you can't get it back if you are married and live in the same home cause you can't prove who owns what. He is an addict and will rob you over and over and over till you kick him out. My AH is in prison cause when he was done stealing from me he stole from work or shops. It won't stop till you stop it X Good luck and protect you and your son
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My X stole money that my girls put in a little collection box at our house for church. He stood there while I chastised them for doing it, and let me go on and on. I realized it about 10 mins later, it dawned on me, my kids would never do that, but he would. Sickening, just sickening. I apologized to my kids profusely, and never believed another word that came out of his mouth, and never will again.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I used to sleep with my purse and valuables under the pillow....that's just crazy that I would do that and still not ask my son to leave.
It's hard to prove cash thefts but you know in your heart he did it. Now think hard about whether you want to go through life sleeping on your purse and hiding your valuables.
I lost thousands before I found the courage to say "enough".
Good luck.
Hugs
It's hard to prove cash thefts but you know in your heart he did it. Now think hard about whether you want to go through life sleeping on your purse and hiding your valuables.
I lost thousands before I found the courage to say "enough".
Good luck.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
That is terrible. I am so sorry. I am sad to say, you can report it but nothing will come of it. With a meth user in the home, I would not have any money and nothing of any value left out b/c they will surely come and rob you blind. Sad fact.
Do you have any boundaries formed or anything?? Meth use will escalate, quickly. It's awful. I hope you get help for yourself and your son.
Tight hugs!
Do you have any boundaries formed or anything?? Meth use will escalate, quickly. It's awful. I hope you get help for yourself and your son.
Tight hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by ardy
why do so many women keep everything in their bras.. ekekekekek nope not that ... so make a plan hold to the plan and prevent him for walking off with important balance to you and your childrens lives.. yep.. ardy.. prayers kiddo prayers...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Karrets
My AH stole thousands from me. . Most of it ended up in pawn shops and in the UK you can't get it back if you are married and live in the same home cause you can't prove who owns what. He is an addict and will rob you over and over and over till you kick him out. My AH is in prison cause when he was done stealing from me he stole from work or shops. It won't stop till you stop it X Good luck and protect you and your son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Ann
I used to sleep with my purse and valuables under the pillow....that's just crazy that I would do that and still not ask my son to leave.
It's hard to prove cash thefts but you know in your heart he did it. Now think hard about whether you want to go through life sleeping on your purse and hiding your valuables.
I lost thousands before I found the courage to say "enough".
Good luck.
Hugs
It's hard to prove cash thefts but you know in your heart he did it. Now think hard about whether you want to go through life sleeping on your purse and hiding your valuables.
I lost thousands before I found the courage to say "enough".
Good luck.
Hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Be careful, dear. When my son got clean I would eventually let down my guard...and he would do it again when he relapsed.
For me there was no end to the insanity until I finally said "no more." It was then that I gave my son's care to God and stopped living in insanity.
Funny thing, our second step speaks of "restoring us to sanity". For me, that was a heck of a lot of restoring.
I hope you can find your balance somewhere in all this.
Hugs
For me there was no end to the insanity until I finally said "no more." It was then that I gave my son's care to God and stopped living in insanity.
Funny thing, our second step speaks of "restoring us to sanity". For me, that was a heck of a lot of restoring.
I hope you can find your balance somewhere in all this.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 186
Before I kicked Addict out years ago.. I was to the point of having no money in the house. I cancelled all credit and debit cards. I threw away all my checks. The only way I could get my money was to go to the bank and present ID.
The teller would get upset with me insisting I needed my own checks. I informed the manager of the Addict in the house and this is how I would bank for now.
WHEN I REALIZED WHAT A HOSTAGE I WAS MAKING MYSELF, I kicked him out. Best decision I ever made.
The teller would get upset with me insisting I needed my own checks. I informed the manager of the Addict in the house and this is how I would bank for now.
WHEN I REALIZED WHAT A HOSTAGE I WAS MAKING MYSELF, I kicked him out. Best decision I ever made.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
Without proof or 110% certainty they took it be careful about confronting them or calling police. You don't want to escalate a bad situation. I've been missing some gift cards for a while now. My fault for not putting them in the exact same place or inventory them in mentally when I know the addict-alkie will be around. But since they are time bomb looking for an excuse to go off I really want to have to deal with one or two confrontations with slam dunk proof even they can't deny.
I also think when a family steals from you they are testing you by looking at your response-did you notice and what are you going to do about it. I think they'll test family before friends or strangers.
I don't know to what lengths you want to hide or secure money/valuables but sometimes hiding in plain sight is just as good as locked up. If they get really desperate they break in anyway.
Good Luck!
Peace
I also think when a family steals from you they are testing you by looking at your response-did you notice and what are you going to do about it. I think they'll test family before friends or strangers.
I don't know to what lengths you want to hide or secure money/valuables but sometimes hiding in plain sight is just as good as locked up. If they get really desperate they break in anyway.
Good Luck!
Peace
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
The quest. You sound like your blaming yourself for your missing things hun. When some one steals and is an addict they want to get high it's not a test. It's cause they don't care in that moment.
Trust your gut feelings it's rarely wrong.
Trust your gut feelings it's rarely wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
My AH does the same thing all the time. Granted, not in that amount, but smaller amounts. He even memorized my debit card PIN (probably from watching me enter it at the grocery store, etc) & started taking my card & swiping it all over the place, trying to get cash. He has stolen & used for himself cash & gift cards given to our baby son, then lies & says it wasn't him.
There's unfortunately not a lot that can be done about it by the police I don't think, but...hugs, and I hope we can both find the strength to get out NOW.
There's unfortunately not a lot that can be done about it by the police I don't think, but...hugs, and I hope we can both find the strength to get out NOW.
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