Just got a call from AH
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Until you get answers, for now I would be packing his stuff as fast as possible. Have it ready to go at the front door and just set it in the hallway if he does come around. There would be no reason for him to enter your home.
But, be honest with yourself, are you looking for reasons, dragging your feet, or justifying hanging on to his stuff so he may say what you want to hear?
But, be honest with yourself, are you looking for reasons, dragging your feet, or justifying hanging on to his stuff so he may say what you want to hear?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
I like the storage locker idea quite a bit.
Maybe get a friend and drop that stuff off tomorrow and be done with it and him?
If you've got it boxed up already, just drop it off and walk away.
Maybe you can leave the key with the storage office itself with his name on it.
Maybe get a friend and drop that stuff off tomorrow and be done with it and him?
If you've got it boxed up already, just drop it off and walk away.
Maybe you can leave the key with the storage office itself with his name on it.
I don't have all of it packed up. I worked on it all last weekend and didn't even get half of it packed up. He has a TON of really heavy tools and things (most of which i'm sure he'll sell for his garbage, frustrating since we spent so much money on that stuff) I hope to get it done sometime this weekend. I will have to find someone strong to help me lift things and with a truck to move it all. There is A LOT
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I am not sure where you live, but here in Chicago it is -6. My suggestion would be to pack up all of his stuff and set it on the curb - pour some gas on it and burn it. Maybe roast a few marshmallows with the kids. Okay probably a bad idea and sorry - that was my poor attempt at adding some levity to the situation.
The storage idea OR passing it off to a friend or family member sounds like a great idea. No reason to have him coming to the house with the kids around. Don't need to put yourself through that disaster. It will be another reminder for him that you are done done done!
The storage idea OR passing it off to a friend or family member sounds like a great idea. No reason to have him coming to the house with the kids around. Don't need to put yourself through that disaster. It will be another reminder for him that you are done done done!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Originally Posted by cynical one
Until you get answers, for now I would be packing his stuff as fast as possible. Have it ready to go at the front door and just set it in the hallway if he does come around. There would be no reason for him to enter your home.
But, be honest with yourself, are you looking for reasons, dragging your feet, or justifying hanging on to his stuff so he may say what you want to hear?
But, be honest with yourself, are you looking for reasons, dragging your feet, or justifying hanging on to his stuff so he may say what you want to hear?
Honestly at first YES I was trying to hold on. He's my husband and I wanted to figure a way for him to come home and us to work things out. Not only for us but for the kids.
But now i'm just afraid of him and want him to leave us alone so we can start to heal. I can't handle the sick feeling and stress anymore. Wondering what he may or may not do or if he may come around and try to break in and rob us or harm us. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to continue living with this sick feeling inside of me or for my children to continuesly be hurt.
Only God knows what the future holds for us, so it doesn't do me any good to hold on. If it's meant to be God will heal him and bring him back one day...if not then it is what it is and God was taking me out of that situation.
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If it's meant to be God will heal him and bring him back one day...if not then it is what it is and God was taking me out of that situation.
For what it's worth, I think his behavior is truly disgusting. All you can judge him by is his actions. And he has made the decision to abandon his family for another (sick) woman without any remorse. That being said, his decisions don't surprise me because it's indicative of addict thinking and behavior.
You're going to feel what you feel. But what's really, really important is if you're forced to engage with him down the road, be mature, be reasonable, and be the better person. Don't get into the mud with him because that won't serve you well.
Never, ever, ever forget that at this moment, he's sick and is apparently uninterested in doing the necessary work to get well. If he were, he wouldn't be blowing up his family for another woman.
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Originally Posted by zoso77
Well, based on your AH's actions, the second scenario you've described above is more likely.
For what it's worth, I think his behavior is truly disgusting. All you can judge him by is his actions. And he has made the decision to abandon his family for another (sick) woman without any remorse. That being said, his decisions don't surprise me because it's indicative of addict thinking and behavior.
You're going to feel what you feel. But what's really, really important is if you're forced to engage with him down the road, be mature, be reasonable, and be the better person. Don't get into the mud with him because that won't serve you well.
Never, ever, ever forget that at this moment, he's sick and is apparently uninterested in doing the necessary work to get well. If he were, he wouldn't be blowing up his family for another woman.
For what it's worth, I think his behavior is truly disgusting. All you can judge him by is his actions. And he has made the decision to abandon his family for another (sick) woman without any remorse. That being said, his decisions don't surprise me because it's indicative of addict thinking and behavior.
You're going to feel what you feel. But what's really, really important is if you're forced to engage with him down the road, be mature, be reasonable, and be the better person. Don't get into the mud with him because that won't serve you well.
Never, ever, ever forget that at this moment, he's sick and is apparently uninterested in doing the necessary work to get well. If he were, he wouldn't be blowing up his family for another woman.
The more I think and pray about it. I think so too.
I most definitely will be the bigger person when that time does come. It hurts what he's done but like you said it's addict thinking and behavior and I have to remember that and keep telling myself that and just keep my distance however I can.
You're exactly right!!
Thank you so much
I feel a little more peace after chatting with you guys. I truly appreciate all the feedback and advice. I honestly don't know how I would get through any of this without you all!!
BIG HUGS!!!
BH
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Thanks again to you all for your help in helping to calm my fears some. I still don't know what's yet to come but i'm grateful for the advice and suggestions you all give and being able to come here when I have these thoughts and fears and have you all to discuss them with. I also appreciate the ones making more light of the situation and giving me a smile if even for a moment lol you ALL are AMAZING!! THANK YOU!!
HUGE HUGS to you all!!
BH
HUGE HUGS to you all!!
BH
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