Do they come back?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Sending you a hug.
One of the hardest of life's lessons is to accept when there's nothing we can do...and then do nothing. We're a problem-solving species and we don't do well when something that was a source of positive things is suddenly removed from us. It's a biological drive to keep thinking of ways to get it back...what if it was a food source, for example. We wouldn't have lasted long as a species if we gave up easily.
So you're battling against that instinct. It's hard, so, so hard. You're doing many smart things in educating yourself and recognizing that alcohol makes it worse and not better.
Maybe make a list of ways to distract yourself...hobbies, binge TV (nothing romantic...think zombie apocalypse and alien invasions). Exercise, hard aerobic exercise, is a great distraction and a de-stressor.
You'll get through this and every day you don't have contact will move you closer to moving on.
One of the hardest of life's lessons is to accept when there's nothing we can do...and then do nothing. We're a problem-solving species and we don't do well when something that was a source of positive things is suddenly removed from us. It's a biological drive to keep thinking of ways to get it back...what if it was a food source, for example. We wouldn't have lasted long as a species if we gave up easily.
So you're battling against that instinct. It's hard, so, so hard. You're doing many smart things in educating yourself and recognizing that alcohol makes it worse and not better.
Maybe make a list of ways to distract yourself...hobbies, binge TV (nothing romantic...think zombie apocalypse and alien invasions). Exercise, hard aerobic exercise, is a great distraction and a de-stressor.
You'll get through this and every day you don't have contact will move you closer to moving on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 432
I just took the dogs out for a walk and my eldest recognizes sounds so well and his bike sound or whatever, she looked so lost. She kept looking at people on bikes and cars and I was like, that ain't daddy and daddy ain't coming back 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Let him go...try not to entertain the idea that he might come back, because then what....you feel temporary joy but you know you are back in the pits again. Thank God he left because you know you may not have been strong enough to eventhough you know you should have long ago.
The ending of a relationship is very much like a death and you are in mourning right now and still haven't entered the Acceptance stage yet. Allow yourself to mourn and be angry and depressed and not feel like going on without him. it's perfectly normal. When I thought my abf had left me part of me was relieved because it meant the pain was over - but it also left me in complete devastation. We weren't even married yet I somehow could not imagine life without him. I was so attached and being without him was a greater than a pain than one I had ever known. So great that we got back together briefly after he left (on a bender) and since I have been scared to let him go eventhough in the long run we would both be better off.
It hurts. it's gonna hurt, but you have to go through the fire before you can come out in the end. Much love and hugs to you.
The ending of a relationship is very much like a death and you are in mourning right now and still haven't entered the Acceptance stage yet. Allow yourself to mourn and be angry and depressed and not feel like going on without him. it's perfectly normal. When I thought my abf had left me part of me was relieved because it meant the pain was over - but it also left me in complete devastation. We weren't even married yet I somehow could not imagine life without him. I was so attached and being without him was a greater than a pain than one I had ever known. So great that we got back together briefly after he left (on a bender) and since I have been scared to let him go eventhough in the long run we would both be better off.
It hurts. it's gonna hurt, but you have to go through the fire before you can come out in the end. Much love and hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Ituvia 
What if he does go to rehab and gets treatment? What if he does change? What is the yardstick for someone who is working the recovery program? But I somehow feel like he says he is going to rehab because in his own delusional way, he doesn't want me right now but he won't be sure when he is sober?
what if you changed?
God
grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cant change
courage to change the one I can
and wisdom to know that's me.
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