behindblueyes

I never drank in front of her and I know her father is sober. We last drank in front of her when she was maybe 3.

However, she listens to that "once I was 7 years old" song and they talk about liquor. She also listens to country and there is a song that says "corn makes whiskey" and "it all started with a beer".

She is constantly asking me what beer, whiskey, and wine taste like. I told her Whiskey tastes like bleach and burns because to me it does.

She came back last week and the first thing she asked was what the difference between Whiskey and beer is.

I don't keep these things in the house and there is no way she has access. I really can't stop her from turning on the radio where they say these words freely where I live.

Could she already have the obsession with alcohol that her father and I had? I also don't know how to answer her questions. IF I tell her I drank so much in the past I'd throw up and pass out, that is a lot of info for her as she is emotionally immature (still watches sesame street, has stuffed animals). If I say "It's gross" she says "gross like how" and my dad drinks so I know she will blurt that to him.

Any help is appreciated.

Pixus

Hi BBE, I don't think she's obsessed with alcohol, probably just curious as it does feature prominently in our western society. Try not to project your story on to her, rather treat it like any other question and answer it as simply as you can with as little pressure or emotion around it as possible. Kids pick up on our emotions so if you make it heavy and loaded, it'll affect her reactions more than if you just treat it lightly. I've been honest with my 12 year old about why I dislike alcohol, but when I tried answering my 6 year olds simple questions, I felt stressed and he picked up on it delightedly and started pushing a lot of buttons by saying "alcohol is great, I want alcohol" all in response to me making it heavy and negative without any context. (He's too young to explain it to yet)

schnappi99

Our 10yr old daughter discusses alcohol related things with me sometimes. The abusive drinking was done in front of her, the recovery should be in front of her too, so I try to answer the questions as best as I can. I also talk about "my meetings"- the alanon mtgs I go to and why it helps me to do so. I've taken her to an Alateen mtg as well- hearing about other kids's experiences has helped her talk about it a bunch. I guess my idea is to not let the problem or the recovery be a deep dark secret.

FireSprite

I agree with schnappi - I'd talk, talk, talk more about it until we'd exhausted every part of the topic. The more you avoid bringing every aspect of it into the light, the more you add to the mystique & allure of it. Don't be afraid to share your truths & your experience in an age-appropriate way to help her understand the reality of all of this. When we embrace our shame & talk to our kids about our discomforts we earn their respect & encourage them to keep coming back for more truths when they have more questions, IME at least.

I've talked to DD about the biology of alcohol as a toxin, how the body & mind handle it, what the long-term consequences are & how our society often glorifies it in song, etc. We also talk about how it is one of MANY types of addictions & issues that people face - that addiction is about numbing the feelings we have & not necessarily about the substance itself. We talk about gambling, alcoholism, food addiction, work addiction, etc all in the same topic.

We also talk about how some people CAN handle "normal" drinking but that there's no way of telling that ahead of time & that her best defense is to simply never start..... especially with an alcoholic dad, a drug & alcohol addicted grandfather & mom (me) with emotional/eating disorder issues (which I consider my ACoA version of alcoholism coming out sideways) 9 isn't *that* young, IMO, to have some of these discussions. We've been talking real like this with DD since she was 5 & asking a lot of these questions herself.

LexieCat

I think it's normal curiosity. You don't get "obsessed" with alcohol until you've tried it, and experienced its effects. It's a "grownup" thing, so naturally she wonders about it because it's forbidden.

I'd just tell her some people like it, some people don't. Make it like "what does sushi taste like?" When she's old enough she can try it, but just emphasize that not everybody likes it, and it can be dangerous and make you very sick if you have too much of it.

Thumper

I think it is very much an age thing and not an obsession with alcohol thing. My kids listen to those songs too - and so do all of their friends. They get a charge out of the drinking references the same way they do a swear word. They change words into drink (like for instance if it was think) the same way they hold their tongue and say apple. *rolleyes*

I do drink in front of them because I'm not an alcoholic and I don't abstain - but we also have discussions about alcoholism and addiction etc. The 10yo's don't really get it much but we still talk about it. I try and keep it basic and real like LexiCat suggested. The older boys (teenagers) understand but I'll be surprised if they don't try it at some point . I really talk about it a lot because of strong history of addiction on both sides and also one has T1D which can make experimenting with alcohol very dangerous. I want everything on the table.

hopeful4

Country music....it's always drinking and crying....it seems that's all they do LOL.

I would talk about it with her, but not worry too much.