A most unpleasant Sunday morning
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
A most unpleasant Sunday morning
Its never a good sign when you are getting phone calls and texts at 5 am.
I awake to a number of FB pm's from a friend in town. "Emergency!!! Please get to Atlanta Medical Center as fast as you can". I have not seen him in 5 years - we had planned to meet for lunch next week. I did text him back but was unable to figure out what the problem was beyond "emergency room" and need an attorney. My initial response was to not go I got a bad feeling about the whole thing since I couldn't get him on the phone and he refused to answer.
I fought with myself for an hour and I did end up going.
He was in the waiting room with bags of clothes on the floor. In a nutshell, he has been on a Meth binge I.V. He believed he was being followed, cameras filming him, that he had been reported to every business and everyone was watching him. He asked if "they" had gotten to me. He talked about having been kidnapped and filmed performing sexual acts. He had been admitted to Grady hospital psyche ward but was released yesterday - he said that the Dr and Nurses had camera's in their stethoscope's and that was why he left. He woke in a field somewhere and the police had dropped him off at this hospital.
So what's my reaction? GTFO. I have never experienced anything like this before with any person. It was creepy, scary, and insane. I talked with him for about 45 mins. At times he was ok, and he wasn't yelling or anything. But the eyes were looking everywhere and then he would tell me what had happened. Crying.......cried more when I would say "this is not real". I asked about an admission to the hospital and he refused. I talked with the people at the front desk and they said they were willing to let him stay, and had tried to get him to admit but he wouldn't. His mother called and asked me to stay with him until she could get here about 2.5 hours.
I did not stay. I could have. I didn't want to. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Sometimes I wonder if in healing my codie ways I haven't gone to the opposite extreme where I could do more, but I won't. I feel a little guilty about it. I was having panic attacks and extreme discomfort hearing the insane rantings, and I couldn't get to my car fast enough. I stayed one hour, asked him to wait for his mom, made him promise not to leave, said a prayer, then I got the hell out of there.
This is one of the reasons I left part of the industry I used to work in because the meth/drug use is so common in the gay community here (not trying to say its not everywhere nor am I singling out the community. Its just a fact that <35 male gay here meth/coke is rampant). I have known too many (and 1 is too many) walk this path and lose it all. The last being my former business associate whom I have spoken off and is currently in the hospital full blown AIDS. All I could think when this guy was sitting next to me was not another. I don't know why I even bother to ask if he was sharing needles, and plead with him not too. I already know he has, and that more than likely he is HIV too or Hep C. This is why I WILL NOT work in the fashion industry anymore I can't freaking deal with it.
Anyway I am feeling guilt, and at the same time I am pissed off I went. Thanks for letting me vent.
I awake to a number of FB pm's from a friend in town. "Emergency!!! Please get to Atlanta Medical Center as fast as you can". I have not seen him in 5 years - we had planned to meet for lunch next week. I did text him back but was unable to figure out what the problem was beyond "emergency room" and need an attorney. My initial response was to not go I got a bad feeling about the whole thing since I couldn't get him on the phone and he refused to answer.
I fought with myself for an hour and I did end up going.
He was in the waiting room with bags of clothes on the floor. In a nutshell, he has been on a Meth binge I.V. He believed he was being followed, cameras filming him, that he had been reported to every business and everyone was watching him. He asked if "they" had gotten to me. He talked about having been kidnapped and filmed performing sexual acts. He had been admitted to Grady hospital psyche ward but was released yesterday - he said that the Dr and Nurses had camera's in their stethoscope's and that was why he left. He woke in a field somewhere and the police had dropped him off at this hospital.
So what's my reaction? GTFO. I have never experienced anything like this before with any person. It was creepy, scary, and insane. I talked with him for about 45 mins. At times he was ok, and he wasn't yelling or anything. But the eyes were looking everywhere and then he would tell me what had happened. Crying.......cried more when I would say "this is not real". I asked about an admission to the hospital and he refused. I talked with the people at the front desk and they said they were willing to let him stay, and had tried to get him to admit but he wouldn't. His mother called and asked me to stay with him until she could get here about 2.5 hours.
I did not stay. I could have. I didn't want to. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Sometimes I wonder if in healing my codie ways I haven't gone to the opposite extreme where I could do more, but I won't. I feel a little guilty about it. I was having panic attacks and extreme discomfort hearing the insane rantings, and I couldn't get to my car fast enough. I stayed one hour, asked him to wait for his mom, made him promise not to leave, said a prayer, then I got the hell out of there.
This is one of the reasons I left part of the industry I used to work in because the meth/drug use is so common in the gay community here (not trying to say its not everywhere nor am I singling out the community. Its just a fact that <35 male gay here meth/coke is rampant). I have known too many (and 1 is too many) walk this path and lose it all. The last being my former business associate whom I have spoken off and is currently in the hospital full blown AIDS. All I could think when this guy was sitting next to me was not another. I don't know why I even bother to ask if he was sharing needles, and plead with him not too. I already know he has, and that more than likely he is HIV too or Hep C. This is why I WILL NOT work in the fashion industry anymore I can't freaking deal with it.
Anyway I am feeling guilt, and at the same time I am pissed off I went. Thanks for letting me vent.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Aw, man, red, that sucks. I remember my second husband called me from the hospital when he was going through alcohol withdrawal (unplanned--he went in for pneumonia), telling me there were cameras and microphones in the walls and the FBI was swarming the place. Found out later they had a prisoner from the jail there and there was some kind of attempted escape or something, which of course only fed into his delusions.
Know what? Not everybody can do everything. You were kind to go find out what the problem was and to try to help him, but your staying there would not have helped him and it was harming you. There were professionals there, so it isn't like you were abandoning him in a dangerous place.
I know my own limitations for what I can deal with, and I would have done the same as you.
Hugs,
Know what? Not everybody can do everything. You were kind to go find out what the problem was and to try to help him, but your staying there would not have helped him and it was harming you. There were professionals there, so it isn't like you were abandoning him in a dangerous place.
I know my own limitations for what I can deal with, and I would have done the same as you.
Hugs,
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Red - I don't think you've gone in the "opposite" direction at all. You've always offered a great deal of support to me and others when we need it. I think you know your limitations, and in leaving your friend at the ER today, you abided by them. Good work.
I used to be in an emotionally draining line of work, too. I wonder if the strong emotions appealed to the codependent side of me? I loved the work while I did it, but now I can't see myself going back. The ups and downs don't fit my new approach to life in recovery.
I used to be in an emotionally draining line of work, too. I wonder if the strong emotions appealed to the codependent side of me? I loved the work while I did it, but now I can't see myself going back. The ups and downs don't fit my new approach to life in recovery.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Gleefan - My work per se is not emotionally draining. I love what I do. However, in certain areas of my work, in particular fashion, about 75% who work in the field party hard. HARD. About 100% of the time the drug of choice is meth. As a result of that I have known too many jump down the drain, lose everything, or come out on the other side with HIV and Hep C. I can't even count how many friends have died of HIV. Now its not so much due to the new meds, but even with the new meds HIV is no walk in the park. I guess maybe I have some PTSD from the '80's and '90s when people dropped like flies. On the rare occasion I hear of IV drug use my hair stands on end its so senseless, and reckless it infuriates me. These young gay boys don't get it they have no idea what it was like. As a result the numbers of HIV infection have risen dramatically here in the <35 age range primarily due to IV drug use. Its a slap in the face to every person who didn't have the benefit of protease inhibitors, and that gobbled down whatever the Dr's could come up with being human guinea pigs so they might find something that would work for the next generation because they were lost to it.
I stopped working in that area couple years ago I can't stand the culture of it. I think by writing this out I am seeing why my reaction was what it was, and I feel fine with the way I handled it today. Thank you all.
I stopped working in that area couple years ago I can't stand the culture of it. I think by writing this out I am seeing why my reaction was what it was, and I feel fine with the way I handled it today. Thank you all.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Glad you're feeling better about it today red. It sounds like a very intense situation & reading about the possible PTSD link you've correlated.... yeah, no wonder you felt triggered. I bet it was like a fierce adrenaline rush - total fight or flight - & then it kinda forced you down a dark alley in your memory, ick.
But - growth too, with the way you connected the dots so surely, so quickly!!
But - growth too, with the way you connected the dots so surely, so quickly!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by redatlanta 
Its a slap in the face to every person who didn't have the benefit of protease inhibitors, and that gobbled down whatever the Dr's could come up with being human guinea pigs so they might find something that would work for the next generation because they were lost to it.
I'm glad you're being a bit easier on yourself today, Red. What you describe really does sound like a type of PTSD. I hope your friend is doing ok, but whether he is or isn't, it really wasn't in your hands anyway. Was it?
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Red,
Sorry about your situation. I totally agree that the trend in the scene you were describing is really sad because it's just so completely unnecessary. My wife had a friend from work in the demographic you described, he had a dream job that typically results in hundreds of applications when it opens up. From his partying he became addicted to meth and contracted HIV from iV drug use and/or unprotected group sex at parties. While he has managed to get clean for now, he had to quit his job and is waiting tables in new city just struggling to keep it together. What a waste. And I too remember the frightening decimation of the gay community in the 80's from AIDS, seeing all the skinny AIDS victims back then before they had any effective treatments.
Sorry about your situation. I totally agree that the trend in the scene you were describing is really sad because it's just so completely unnecessary. My wife had a friend from work in the demographic you described, he had a dream job that typically results in hundreds of applications when it opens up. From his partying he became addicted to meth and contracted HIV from iV drug use and/or unprotected group sex at parties. While he has managed to get clean for now, he had to quit his job and is waiting tables in new city just struggling to keep it together. What a waste. And I too remember the frightening decimation of the gay community in the 80's from AIDS, seeing all the skinny AIDS victims back then before they had any effective treatments.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Yes its a huge problem.
Well I guess this person is "ok" now. While I have not received a message from him, or his mother, stating that he was ok, or even a thank you - I have seen on FB that he reports last weekend someone drugged him. He stated that he woke in a field, and APD took him to the hospital where it was discovered "Molly" drugs were put into his cocktail (amazing since toxicology takes 5 - 6 weeks). Therefore. he has left here and is returning to NYC after this "horrific" experience. Following the post was 20 responses of "OMG you poor thing". Gee. I wonder if he remembers telling me he had been mainlining for a year (which really means 5 years), and had last shot up the day before.
Anyway I have unfriended him. Denial, denial, denial.
Well I guess this person is "ok" now. While I have not received a message from him, or his mother, stating that he was ok, or even a thank you - I have seen on FB that he reports last weekend someone drugged him. He stated that he woke in a field, and APD took him to the hospital where it was discovered "Molly" drugs were put into his cocktail (amazing since toxicology takes 5 - 6 weeks). Therefore. he has left here and is returning to NYC after this "horrific" experience. Following the post was 20 responses of "OMG you poor thing". Gee. I wonder if he remembers telling me he had been mainlining for a year (which really means 5 years), and had last shot up the day before.
Anyway I have unfriended him. Denial, denial, denial.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
redatlanta....looking at it objectively....I would say that you are setting a boundary for yourself. It is healthy to be able to do that, I think.
A self preserving ability to say: "This is all I can take....this is more than I am going to take".
Without this ability....we would all be gobbled up.
dandylion
A self preserving ability to say: "This is all I can take....this is more than I am going to take".
Without this ability....we would all be gobbled up.
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
The iv drug culture is an altogether terrible waste of young lives. I can't imagine seeing it through the lens of terrible loss in the early days of the hiv/aids epidemic.
Red - Your description of how you handled this difficult situation is a great example of protecting your boundaries - and extremely helpful to the fledgling recovering Codie in me. I love seeing practical advice!
Early in my recovery I had to detach (not lovingly, but immediately) from a situation where I was allowing myself to be gobbled up by a friend's ongoing tragedies. You did the right thing.
Red - Your description of how you handled this difficult situation is a great example of protecting your boundaries - and extremely helpful to the fledgling recovering Codie in me. I love seeing practical advice!
Early in my recovery I had to detach (not lovingly, but immediately) from a situation where I was allowing myself to be gobbled up by a friend's ongoing tragedies. You did the right thing.
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