amy55

First off, did I spell that right? It looks strange to me.

OK, so I am finally cleaning out my house. When I moved out, I had not gone through my clothes for over 20-25 years. Perhaps longer. I got rid of 12 bags so far.

I now have 2 containers which I label as my "wish list". I am almost 60, will be 60 in Dec. My "wish list" I only need to lose 5 lbs to get into them again.

They are low rise shorts, pants, pj's, cargo's.

I was thinking about this tonight. When do I finally accept my age and get rid of those things?

Sometimes I want to just keep them for when I can fit back into them, but that's not normal. I think I need to accept my age and that stuff is not appropriate for me to wear anymore.

I guess what is really bothering me is that I did really look good when I was younger. I was always told I looked terrible. It's like when I put those clothes on, I can see that I did look good.

It's horrible to think of the years that I wasted and that I can't get back.

I know that this is all superficial stuff.

Just need to decide what to do with my "wish list" of clothing.

amy

ladyscribbler

It's funny, one of the exercises in the creative recovery book I'm reading is to go through the closet/ drawers and get rid of "low self worth" clothes.
I did it a few weeks ago and was left with some pretty major holes in my wardrobe. So I gave myself permission to shop. Not my normal thrift store/clearance rack/coupon sale runs, but go into a store, pick something out, try it on and buy it if it looked good. I didn't go nuts or max out my credit card or anything, but I allowed myself to buy something new, just for me, just because I liked the way it looked on me.
That was a big deal for me. I totally understand the feeling. Let go of that old stuff, and find something that makes you feel as beautiful as you are. You deserve it.
And I don't think this is O/T. It was a huge deal for me in my recovery. I always buy new stuff for my sons and everyone else, but I always treated myself like a second-class citizen and took the leftovers, even when I didn't have to.

amy55

Thank you ladyscribbler for your response. I also think that this is a part of our recovery.

I wasn't allowed to wear the clothes that I liked. For Christmas he would buy me men's xxlarge clothing. Sweatshirts, which were OK. He already had me hating my breast. (I had a lumpectomy). Also was buying me xxlarge sweatpants. I was supposed to wear that, but yet he was annoyed that I didn't dress sexy for him.

I had an income, so I bought myself some clothes. He used to run away from home for months at a time. When I finally started to feel OK, I would wear clothes that fit me, clothes that were "me".

There were times that I finally got "OK" and all of a sudden he would come home just as I was leaving. I would be dressed nicely in a skirt and blouse, and he would harass me as to why I wouldn't dress like that for him. I spent most of my summers in sweats, covered from top to bottom, running to put them on when he was coming home from work.

When he started with me that I didn't dress sexy for him, I would put on those low rise shorts, and a tank top with no bra. He told me I looked disgusting, and that I should put a bra on and sweatpants, and sweatshirt.

Don't know, this is all the feelings that I have with these containers of clothes that I don't know if I should get rid of. It's like I will be trying to get rid of the person that I was.

happybeingme

Don't get rid of them unless you feel they are holding you back. I have a cousin your age who wears what makes her feel good regardless of what others think. She is gorgeous. Two containers isn't a lot. I say just put them away for now. Revisit in a few months.

SparkleKitty

Wear only clothes that fit and make you feel good. Don't hold on to anything you can't wear right now. I clean out my closet every three months and it has done wonders for my self-acceptance as I have been working through my compulsive eating and body image issues.

ScantySolace

I'm new to this forum (well I joined a few months ago but went back to my haze because I found it too hard to post,) .. so I'm not sure how long you have not been drinking or if we can view each others profiles to check stuff like that yet. I too have a wardrobe full of clothes two sizes smaller, but I'm not throwing them away because when I quit alcohol I always drop back down to them .. I hate the size I am when I'm drinking, it's not me, it doesn't look like me - so, if you have recently quit, give it time for the sugar cravings to go and you might find you fit back in your clothes (unless you just don't like them .. then get rid and treat yourself to a new look with the money you saved and in your svelte new size )
Wear and keep what makes you feel good

davenport

Hey ladyscribber, I was just wondering what the name of that book you're reading is. The whole concept of "low self-worth" clothing is brand new to me.

ladyscribbler

It's called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's ostensibly about curing writer's block, but she uses a lot of familiar 12 step principles and recovery language. She's been sober in AA for many years. I first read it about 3 or 4 years ago when I was still with my ex, and I recognized a lot of what she was saying about attaching myself to crazy makers as a way of avoiding my own internal stuff. It was the first place I heard about the book Codependent No More and Alanon. There's also a lot of emphasis on self care- taking yourself out on "dates", cleaning out old junk (like low self-worth clothes), journaling, etc.
I recently decided to dig out my copy and go back through the 12 week program again this summer, since I've been focused a lot on my writing and have had some other issues come up where I feel like my Alanon program has stagnated a little. I'm on week 9 and have really felt a big difference in my mindset and attitude.

AnvilheadII

another fabulous method to consider is The Life Changing Method of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. Impurrfect turned me on to this book and it really "got" me - her main premise is that we should ONLY keep those things that bring us JOY. I used this principle to clean out my closets and drawers - granted there a few things that i held onto that aren't exactly over the top JOY filled (Day of Caring t-shirts that i wear around the house and for sleeping in) but it really helped me break free of the NEED to hang onto things that i really don't want, don't like, don't fit JUST CUZ. took 4 hefty sized trash bags of donations off to the Goodwill and it felt very cleansing and renewing.

i also now take a lot more time folding my clothes and putting them away with care. by doing this i get the chance repeatedly to decide again if an article of clothing really meets the criteria.

firebolt

Haha - this seems really, really normal to me.

I have 3 sizes of clothes in my closet, unfortunately. Every time I lose weight, I get rid of the 'too big' ones, because, gaul dang it - i'll never be that size again. HAHA!

The rest are too small, because "one day..."

You keep the ones that make you feel good - and if you look hot in low rise shorts and cargos - then you friggin wear them!!!

DesertEyes

Very much _On Topic_. It's all about getting our life back.

* pretends not to look at closet that is overflowing with clothes I have not worn in years .... *

Mike

amy55

OK, I am a procrastinator. I think they invented the word just for me.

I liked the thing about the feel good clothes. Those clothes did make me feel good. I'm keeping them, and if I don't get into them by next summer, they may go. I got rid of 15 bags of clothes. All of the clothes that didn't make me feel good, or clothes that he bought for me.

Was busy the last 2 days. Also found all of the "hoovering" gifts, (he had good taste, like waterford crystal, jewelry from Tiffany. It's packed up for my 2 d's and dil. Don't want to see it again, just couldn't just throw it away.


Got myself a new toy today.........................

An 80 V lithium battery lawnmower.

So excited...........