pregnant and married to a alcohol scared.

Old 08-06-2015, 08:35 AM
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pregnant and married to a alcohol scared.

Hi everyone I was referred to this site by a friend and I need help.
I am almost 5 months pregnant with a child I never thought I could even have and my husband is a functioning alcoholic he drinks as soon as he.gets home from work until he passes out on the couch at night. he's been drinking heavily ever since I've known him but it's progressively gotten worse and he used to just be obnoxious and annoying but lately he's become the verbal abuse while drinking calling me fat and that I need to get on the treadmill even though im high risk.He calls me lazy all the time. Im just tired depressed and hopeless. i grew up with a drug addicted father and i dont want this for my child. I dont have any close family either. He controls the money so what can I do? He has a lengthy criminal record as well but hasn't gotten into trouble since we've been together yea im an idiot I know. I guess im just looking for support. Im beginning to resent him and cant stand being around him. As soon as he makes that first drink I cringe because I know what's coming. He sleep walks and pees in closets outside etc. Does random things while drunk walking and im scared.
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:40 AM
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Hello and Welcome to SR!

I am so glad you found us, there is great support here. Have you thought about calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline? It is completely confidential, there are no expectations, no one will know. Verbal abuse qualifies, and can be every bit as bad as physical abuse. You really have to take good care of you and your baby right now! They can give you advise on how to exit that relationship, even with no money at all.

Many tight hugs to you. I am going to post the number, I hope you give them a call. In the mean time, keep posting, keep reading. There is wonderful support here at SR from people just like you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

1-800-799-7233
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:48 AM
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Thanks so much for the information.. last night I locked myself in our bathroom and sat on the floor and just cried and waited till he passed out on the couch because I don't even wanna be near him or hear him.

I even thought about adoption but why I should I give up a child I've wanted all my life for him

See, when it was just me I didn't really care but now I have a child to think about that didn't ask to be born and deserve better than an alcoholic father.
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:57 AM
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Hi and welcome although I'm so sry for what brings you here. You definitely need support, but you certainly don't need his abuse. Definitely see what the closest DV support group can do for you. You definitely qualify for their services. Do you have a car or transportation at your disposal? Sounds to me like you could use a "safe place" some nights. You are in a very fragile state. Is there any family you could go to for the remainder of your pregnancy until you get things figured out?
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:58 AM
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The situation will only get worse if he continues to drink.

Whether or not you choose to keep the baby, you do need to get out of the situation.

Do you have family you can go to?
I'm sorry you are suffering abuse during what should be a happy time.
You deserve better--
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Old 08-06-2015, 09:04 AM
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Hi and welcome! I am so glad you found us. I agree with hopeful. In your situation it would be a really good idea to get professional help. Controlling the money is financial abuse added to the verbal abuse and things could become very dangerous for you. Please keep posting.
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Old 08-06-2015, 09:57 AM
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I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. My ex was abusive during my pregnancy, and it sucks the joy out of what should be a wonderful, loving experience. Please take care of yourself during this important time, especially if your pregnancy is high risk. Rest, eat well and do what you can to avoid stress.
I was very isolated in my relationship, and reading your posts it sounds like you may be as well. My family was far away, and I was too scared to reach out (even online) and build a support network for myself, so I'm really glad you're here. Others have had good suggestions about calling the DV hotline. That can be a great resource for you. I also wonder if you have Alanon meetings available where you are.
http://al-anon.org/how-to-find-a-meeting
You may be able to find a daytime meeting while your husband is at work. If you call the local number, another member would probably also be able to provide you with transportation if that's an issue. Other forum members on here attend Celebrate Recovery, which is through local churches. If you go to church, that might also be another place to look for resources to help you. Finding real life support is especially important, and so is being gentle with yourself. I grew up in an alcoholic home and then brought a child into the world knowing his father (my ex) is an alcoholic, and I am still dealing with the fallout. But beating ourselves up doesn't help anything. We get enough of that junk from the alcoholic in our lives. Be kind to yourself and keep posting. We are here for you.
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Old 08-06-2015, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by pregnant37 View Post
H I dont have any close family either. He controls the money so what can I do? .
Do you have any close friends that can help you out?

If you work it might be time to start a savings / checking account of your own. Keep what you can tucked away in case of an emergency.

I can also echo the comments of others and see a DV shelter. You have two precious lives to protect.

Take care - stay safe and keep coming back.
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Old 08-06-2015, 06:33 PM
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P- good for you for not engaging with an active alcoholic. They told me that when he is drunk it is like you are speaking 2 different languages. You don't understand him and he doesn't understand you. So why engage at all?

I would hear my XAH car and go to my room and lock the door. I would pretend like I was a sleep. Then he had no one to fight with. If he tries to fight. Say you are sorry and you will never do it again. DO not engage with an active alcoholic. I think the stress will lesson and you can figure out what your plan is.

Do you have a friend that will take you in for the next couple of months. It is extremely unhealthy to not be pregnant and live with an A, much less 5 months pregnant.

Keep posting, educate yourself about addiction, hit an alanon meeting. You have friends, we understand.

Hugs my friend!!!
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Old 08-06-2015, 07:16 PM
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Hugs to you, and kudos for coming in here and being brave enough to say something. You already know you need to get away from him. Call that hotline number. They can help you. You have already been brave by coming here,keep it going. Just pick up the phone. Keep taking that next step even if you don't know exactly where it will lead.
You are right when you said your baby doesn't deserve it. You were that baby once, you didn't deserve a drug addicted father and you still don't deserve an addicted, abusive partner.
Hugs.
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:56 PM
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Wow thank you all so much for the non judgement support means so much to me. I don't have many friends either, that's another thing he likes to control.. I have maybe 2 but they have families and I hate to be a burden you know? Yea engaging or fighting is pointless so why bother. He apparently never remembers what we talk about anyway. Tonight I told him that I won't allow our baby to be around him if he drinks and he said of course not, ill quit before you give birth but I don't believe him at all. He's been saying he will or wants to quit for 2 years now.

I will call that number tomorrow though and see what my options are. I couldn't even stand it when he kissed me? Its like he is delusional to what's really going on. He comes from a long line of alcoholics and he's got a short temper. He thinks because he doesn't hit me and pays the bills he's a wonderful husband. If I tell him my stomach hurts or I feel sick he alwaysh has to say his back hurts and he worked all day..
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Old 08-07-2015, 08:21 AM
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Well today I woke up full of dread and anxiety. Im so scared for the future. Im jobless and have been for 2 years now. I used to be so independent sometimes holding 3 jobs at a time now I just feel pathetic.

Ive struggled with eating disorders ever since I was 13 years old and now that he's calling me fat I'm petrified to really eat and that's dangerous for my baby. I feel like I'm that insecure chubby kid that my father used to ridicule and make fun of.

I remember the constant fear as a child when my dad was high. My baby needs a good role model in her life or she will make horrible choices just like me.

Thanks for letting me vent
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Old 08-07-2015, 04:33 PM
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P- the only way you will over come what you need to do for you and your baby is read and educate yourself. He is an addict and his mistress (alcohol) will ALWAYS come before the 2 of you.

Don't count and expect anything from you. You are on this trip alone. Keep reading and finding out what other people have done. Reach out and ask questions. You will survive this and get out in one piece. It takes time and strength. A big strong oak tree took many years to grow like that.

Hugs my friend!!! You will be ok!!!
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