Sobriety is not always an option - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Gypsy Feet · 10-06-2010, 10:16 PM

There is hope where there is breath. . .

I have missed my friends here, I hope there are many of you still around and well. I found an amazing life in recovery, 21 months of continuous sobriety and counting. I also have lots of work put into recovering from being an enabler.

My husband/best friend and I were on again, off again for years before we tried sobriety. We got sober together a week apart, 21 months ago. He lasted 6 months dry and then went back to drinking with a vengeance. I made the choice and moved 2 hours north to give myself a shot at healing.

Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.

2 months ago he threw a party for my daughters 23rd birthday, the next day, she and her friends found him dead as a direct result of his being drunk.

this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.

My kids are devastated. My parents, his parents, our siblings, our friends and family are all terribly hurt. If he could have seen what the final wreckage would look like, it would have broken his heart.

Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen

rest in peace El Viejo, thank you for being a wonderful father to our children and the best friend a girl could have.

**artsoul** · 10-06-2010, 10:21 PM

My sincere sympathy for your loss. It just breaks my heart to think this happens all over the world on a daily basis. I'm sending prayers for you and all those who cared (and still care) about him.

I'm glad you were able to stay sober all this time. I hope that healing grace surrounds you in the days and weeks to come.

Snarf · 10-06-2010, 10:30 PM

I'll never know why my Higher Power chose to smack me upside the head with the metaphorical 2x4, but I am ever so thankful for and humbled by it. I feel terribly sad for those who aren't as fortunate, and for those who care about them. I pray you and your family are able to get through this tragedy with the least amount of pain and heartache possible.

**Dee74** · 10-06-2010, 11:04 PM

Again, my sympathies for your loss GF

May you and your loved ones find peace.

D

LaFemme · 10-06-2010, 11:12 PM

My sincerest and deepest condolences for you and your family.

Thank you for sharing to remind of us the seriousness of this illness, may your husbands story serge as a reminder to us all.

Starburst · 10-06-2010, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet

There is hope where there is breath. . .

Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.

this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.

Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen.

Hi Gypsy, so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks when i read this, I am a daughter of an A to and he also died as direct result of being drunk when i was 15, it is so sad.

Now i am married, i married a RAH and after 11 years of marriage, all went well until 3 years ago and i can totally relate to this "bringing in the light and then relapsing, bringing in far worse darkness"

I am not a drinker at all and my AH knows he needs help but just cant seem to get there, and then of course there is the part where he has now also re started smoking again, after a hectic year of trying to get him to quit, so every day I fear for him.

and as you stated give sobriety all you have, i applaud people like you who have given it there all and pray every day for those who just dont seem to be able to shake this awful disease.

GOD be with you and your family.

Kmber2010 · 10-07-2010, 01:54 AM

I am sorry for your loss Gypsy.

I have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless.

SSIL75 · 10-07-2010, 03:27 AM

Oh my goodness that is terrible sad. I am sorry for your loss.

kiki5711 · 10-07-2010, 03:41 AM

I'm sorry for your loss.

Rusty Zipper · 10-07-2010, 03:52 AM

{{{gyps}}}

***least*** · 10-07-2010, 04:19 AM

Thank you for sharing your message. You are so right: it IS a limited time offer. One big reason for staying sober is that I'm not sure I have any recovery left in me, that I might not make it back to sobriety. Your warning is so timely and so true.

Hugs for you, my friend, in your time of loss.

Bamboozle · 10-07-2010, 04:37 AM

(((GF)))

duggy · 10-07-2010, 05:53 AM

My sympathies to you and your family...you're right too, sobriety isn't always an option..despite some of our best efforts sometimes people just make it. I lost my husband at 23 to addiction.

One thing is that your girls at least have you, and you have sobriety which is not only the greatest you can give yourself, but to them as well.

I always remember when I went to al anon and aa meetings with my husband they always said..jails, institutions and death..unfortunately he had all of those in that order.

As horrible as it is hearing about..I appreciate your honesty and for sharing this..because it tells me that that can be me if I don't stay sober..so for today I will be good to me.

hugs to you..and i'm so sorry..

DayTrader · 10-07-2010, 06:36 AM

Gyps... so sorry to hear the news and my prayers go out to you, your family, his family and everyone who's involved.

I TRULY thank you for carrying that message here though. So many of us get caught up in the misconception that tells us it's ok if I drink tonight, I'll get back to that recovery deal tomorrow. I'd bet nobody who dies from this disease, the day before they pass, would tell you they believe death is in the cards.

Most importantly, thank you for DEMONSTRATING that recovery can be an all-weather / all-occasions possibility for you. Thank you for sharing that, as tragic and upsetting as this event was for you to deal with, alcohol still isn't a solution.

I'm sorry for your loss and you're in my prayers.

Fandy · 10-07-2010, 06:41 AM

i'm so very sorry to read about your loss. thanks for sharing what is so very important. I hope you and your family have very good memories to help you through.

LexieCat · 10-07-2010, 06:41 AM

I couldn't express my thoughts any better than DayTrader.

Thanks for sharing your story. May you find strength and peace.

sailorjohn · 10-07-2010, 06:41 AM

So sorry to hear of your loss, will keep you in my good thoughts.

jamdls · 10-07-2010, 06:52 AM

My sympathy for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a heart wrenching message all of us here need such reminders.
God be with you and your family.

ClosetExtrovert · 10-07-2010, 07:00 AM

This is the third story I heard this week of someone dying from alcohol-related deaths. I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful for your recovery and your story. I pray for you and your family.

lildawg · 10-07-2010, 07:24 AM

(((Gypsy Feet)))

Others have said everything I could possibly say. I wanted to throw in my deep sympathy and my prayers for you and your loved ones, too. I know it's already been said, but I figured you could use all the hugs you can get.

Your message is well taken.

10-06-2010, 10:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Paradise Posts: 4,146 Blog Entries: 4	Sobriety is not always an option There is hope where there is breath. . . I have missed my friends here, I hope there are many of you still around and well. I found an amazing life in recovery, 21 months of continuous sobriety and counting. I also have lots of work put into recovering from being an enabler. My husband/best friend and I were on again, off again for years before we tried sobriety. We got sober together a week apart, 21 months ago. He lasted 6 months dry and then went back to drinking with a vengeance. I made the choice and moved 2 hours north to give myself a shot at healing. Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse. 2 months ago he threw a party for my daughters 23rd birthday, the next day, she and her friends found him dead as a direct result of his being drunk. this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt. My kids are devastated. My parents, his parents, our siblings, our friends and family are all terribly hurt. If he could have seen what the final wreckage would look like, it would have broken his heart. Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen rest in peace El Viejo, thank you for being a wonderful father to our children and the best friend a girl could have. __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ four years of continuous sobriety and counting <3 (its a sideways heart!)

10-06-2010, 11:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,624	Again, my sympathies for your loss GF May you and your loved ones find peace. D __________________

10-06-2010, 11:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
LaFemme Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: New England Posts: 5,285	My sincerest and deepest condolences for you and your family. Thank you for sharing to remind of us the seriousness of this illness, may your husbands story serge as a reminder to us all. __________________ Happy, Happy! Joy, Joy! - Ren & Stimpy There is no room for fear in a grateful heart.

10-07-2010, 01:54 AM	#7 (permalink)
Kmber2010 Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Germany Posts: 2,058 Blog Entries: 3	I am sorry for your loss Gypsy. I have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. __________________ Kim “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

10-07-2010, 03:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rusty Zipper Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: my room in ct. Posts: 40,880	{{{gyps}}} __________________ *Rule 62*

10-06-2010, 10:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
artsoul SR Fan Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Mississippi Posts: 7,583	My sincere sympathy for your loss. It just breaks my heart to think this happens all over the world on a daily basis. I'm sending prayers for you and all those who cared (and still care) about him. I'm glad you were able to stay sober all this time. I hope that healing grace surrounds you in the days and weeks to come.

10-06-2010, 10:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
Snarf Snarf Snarf Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ATL Posts: 824	I'll never know why my Higher Power chose to smack me upside the head with the metaphorical 2x4, but I am ever so thankful for and humbled by it. I feel terribly sad for those who aren't as fortunate, and for those who care about them. I pray you and your family are able to get through this tragedy with the least amount of pain and heartache possible.

10-07-2010, 03:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
SSIL75 New to Real Life Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: I come in Peaces Posts: 2,063	Oh my goodness that is terrible sad. I am sorry for your loss.

10-07-2010, 03:41 AM	#9 (permalink)
kiki5711 Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1,222 Blog Entries: 1	I'm sorry for your loss.

10-07-2010, 04:19 AM	#11 (permalink)
*least* bona fido dog-lover Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA Posts: 28,741 Blog Entries: 31	Thank you for sharing your message. You are so right: it IS a limited time offer. One big reason for staying sober is that I'm not sure I have any recovery left in me, that I might not make it back to sobriety. Your warning is so timely and so true. Hugs for you, my friend, in your time of loss. __________________ I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

10-07-2010, 04:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
Bamboozle I got nothin' Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: My house. Posts: 4,814 Blog Entries: 14	(((GF))) __________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

10-07-2010, 05:53 AM	#13 (permalink)
duggy Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 73	My sympathies to you and your family...you're right too, sobriety isn't always an option..despite some of our best efforts sometimes people just make it. I lost my husband at 23 to addiction. One thing is that your girls at least have you, and you have sobriety which is not only the greatest you can give yourself, but to them as well. I always remember when I went to al anon and aa meetings with my husband they always said..jails, institutions and death..unfortunately he had all of those in that order. As horrible as it is hearing about..I appreciate your honesty and for sharing this..because it tells me that that can be me if I don't stay sober..so for today I will be good to me. hugs to you..and i'm so sorry.. __________________ The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul.- Neale Walsch

10-07-2010, 06:36 AM	#14 (permalink)
DayTrader 12-Step Recovered Alcoholic Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 4,672	Gyps... so sorry to hear the news and my prayers go out to you, your family, his family and everyone who's involved. I TRULY thank you for carrying that message here though. So many of us get caught up in the misconception that tells us it's ok if I drink tonight, I'll get back to that recovery deal tomorrow. I'd bet nobody who dies from this disease, the day before they pass, would tell you they believe death is in the cards. Most importantly, thank you for DEMONSTRATING that recovery can be an all-weather / all-occasions possibility for you. Thank you for sharing that, as tragic and upsetting as this event was for you to deal with, alcohol still isn't a solution. I'm sorry for your loss and you're in my prayers. __________________ "We can't solve our problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein /-all BB quotes-1st. Edition-\

10-07-2010, 06:41 AM	#15 (permalink)
Fandy Enlighten and Expurgate Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 14,247	i'm so very sorry to read about your loss. thanks for sharing what is so very important. I hope you and your family have very good memories to help you through. __________________ I've seen too much to go back and pretend

10-07-2010, 06:41 AM	#16 (permalink)
LexieCat A work in progress Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: South Jersey Posts: 6,556	I couldn't express my thoughts any better than DayTrader. Thanks for sharing your story. May you find strength and peace. __________________ Lexie *~ one breath at a time*

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10-07-2010, 06:41 AM	#17 (permalink)
sailorjohn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Baghdad Posts: 2,824	So sorry to hear of your loss, will keep you in my good thoughts. __________________ Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

10-07-2010, 06:52 AM	#18 (permalink)
jamdls Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Dallas, Tx Posts: 2,365 Blog Entries: 2	My sympathy for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a heart wrenching message all of us here need such reminders. God be with you and your family. __________________ ~~~Judy~~~ "Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up" "With God all things are possible"

10-07-2010, 07:00 AM	#19 (permalink)
ClosetExtrovert Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 232	This is the third story I heard this week of someone dying from alcohol-related deaths. I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful for your recovery and your story. I pray for you and your family.

10-07-2010, 07:24 AM	#20 (permalink)
lildawg Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Between Serenity and Despair Posts: 522 Blog Entries: 1	(((Gypsy Feet))) Others have said everything I could possibly say. I wanted to throw in my deep sympathy and my prayers for you and your loved ones, too. I know it's already been said, but I figured you could use all the hugs you can get. Your message is well taken. __________________ Life is just a leap of faith. Spread your arms and hold your breath. Always trust your cape.