Sobriety is not always an option
mergirl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Sobriety is not always an option
There is hope where there is breath. . .
I have missed my friends here, I hope there are many of you still around and well. I found an amazing life in recovery, 21 months of continuous sobriety and counting. I also have lots of work put into recovering from being an enabler.
My husband/best friend and I were on again, off again for years before we tried sobriety. We got sober together a week apart, 21 months ago. He lasted 6 months dry and then went back to drinking with a vengeance. I made the choice and moved 2 hours north to give myself a shot at healing.
Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.
2 months ago he threw a party for my daughters 23rd birthday, the next day, she and her friends found him dead as a direct result of his being drunk.
this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.
My kids are devastated. My parents, his parents, our siblings, our friends and family are all terribly hurt. If he could have seen what the final wreckage would look like, it would have broken his heart.
Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen
rest in peace El Viejo, thank you for being a wonderful father to our children and the best friend a girl could have.
I have missed my friends here, I hope there are many of you still around and well. I found an amazing life in recovery, 21 months of continuous sobriety and counting. I also have lots of work put into recovering from being an enabler.
My husband/best friend and I were on again, off again for years before we tried sobriety. We got sober together a week apart, 21 months ago. He lasted 6 months dry and then went back to drinking with a vengeance. I made the choice and moved 2 hours north to give myself a shot at healing.
Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.
2 months ago he threw a party for my daughters 23rd birthday, the next day, she and her friends found him dead as a direct result of his being drunk.
this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.
My kids are devastated. My parents, his parents, our siblings, our friends and family are all terribly hurt. If he could have seen what the final wreckage would look like, it would have broken his heart.
Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen
rest in peace El Viejo, thank you for being a wonderful father to our children and the best friend a girl could have.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
My sincere sympathy for your loss. It just breaks my heart to think this happens all over the world on a daily basis. I'm sending prayers for you and all those who cared (and still care) about him.
I'm glad you were able to stay sober all this time. I hope that healing grace surrounds you in the days and weeks to come.:ghug3
I'm glad you were able to stay sober all this time. I hope that healing grace surrounds you in the days and weeks to come.:ghug3
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I'll never know why my Higher Power chose to smack me upside the head with the metaphorical 2x4, but I am ever so thankful for and humbled by it. I feel terribly sad for those who aren't as fortunate, and for those who care about them. I pray you and your family are able to get through this tragedy with the least amount of pain and heartache possible.
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet 
There is hope where there is breath. . .
Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.
this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.
Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen.
Over the past year, he had more sober time then drunk time. Each time he got sober, he welcomed in even more light, each time he drank, the darkness was worse.
this new, better life we have all been promised is a limited time offer. Know that if you go out, you may not make it back in, and contrary to what I believed when I was drinking, it isn't just the alcoholic getting hurt.
Give sobriety everything you have, take all the help offered, follow advice, listen.
Now i am married, i married a RAH and after 11 years of marriage, all went well until 3 years ago and i can totally relate to this "bringing in the light and then relapsing, bringing in far worse darkness"
I am not a drinker at all and my AH knows he needs help but just cant seem to get there, and then of course there is the part where he has now also re started smoking again, after a hectic year of trying to get him to quit, so every day I fear for him.
and as you stated give sobriety all you have, i applaud people like you who have given it there all and pray every day for those who just dont seem to be able to shake this awful disease.
GOD be with you and your family.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Thank you for sharing your message. You are so right: it IS a limited time offer. One big reason for staying sober is that I'm not sure I have any recovery left in me, that I might not make it back to sobriety. Your warning is so timely and so true.
Hugs for you, my friend, in your time of loss.
Hugs for you, my friend, in your time of loss.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 73
My sympathies to you and your family...you're right too, sobriety isn't always an option..despite some of our best efforts sometimes people just make it. I lost my husband at 23 to addiction.
One thing is that your girls at least have you, and you have sobriety which is not only the greatest you can give yourself, but to them as well.
I always remember when I went to al anon and aa meetings with my husband they always said..jails, institutions and death..unfortunately he had all of those in that order.
As horrible as it is hearing about..I appreciate your honesty and for sharing this..because it tells me that that can be me if I don't stay sober..so for today I will be good to me.
hugs to you..and i'm so sorry..
One thing is that your girls at least have you, and you have sobriety which is not only the greatest you can give yourself, but to them as well.
I always remember when I went to al anon and aa meetings with my husband they always said..jails, institutions and death..unfortunately he had all of those in that order.
As horrible as it is hearing about..I appreciate your honesty and for sharing this..because it tells me that that can be me if I don't stay sober..so for today I will be good to me.
hugs to you..and i'm so sorry..
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Gyps... so sorry to hear the news and my prayers go out to you, your family, his family and everyone who's involved.
I TRULY thank you for carrying that message here though. So many of us get caught up in the misconception that tells us it's ok if I drink tonight, I'll get back to that recovery deal tomorrow. I'd bet nobody who dies from this disease, the day before they pass, would tell you they believe death is in the cards.
Most importantly, thank you for DEMONSTRATING that recovery can be an all-weather / all-occasions possibility for you. Thank you for sharing that, as tragic and upsetting as this event was for you to deal with, alcohol still isn't a solution.
I'm sorry for your loss and you're in my prayers.
I TRULY thank you for carrying that message here though. So many of us get caught up in the misconception that tells us it's ok if I drink tonight, I'll get back to that recovery deal tomorrow. I'd bet nobody who dies from this disease, the day before they pass, would tell you they believe death is in the cards.
Most importantly, thank you for DEMONSTRATING that recovery can be an all-weather / all-occasions possibility for you. Thank you for sharing that, as tragic and upsetting as this event was for you to deal with, alcohol still isn't a solution.
I'm sorry for your loss and you're in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 232
This is the third story I heard this week of someone dying from alcohol-related deaths. I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful for your recovery and your story. I pray for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
(((Gypsy Feet)))
Others have said everything I could possibly say. I wanted to throw in my deep sympathy and my prayers for you and your loved ones, too. I know it's already been said, but I figured you could use all the hugs you can get.
Your message is well taken.
Others have said everything I could possibly say. I wanted to throw in my deep sympathy and my prayers for you and your loved ones, too. I know it's already been said, but I figured you could use all the hugs you can get.
Your message is well taken.
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