Grimnar

There is a girl I know online. I have known her for 3 years.

We have shared so much together and been so honest with each other. She knows everything about me. I have never lied to her.

She cannot say the same. I found out she has been lying to me. Using me I would say.

Yet, I still want to interact with her. That seems sad somehow. It's an odd dynamic. I feel like a moth to the flame.

I know I need to let her go.

I know I need to rebuild myself through the recovery process (which I am trying very hard to do).

I know I need to be selfish and put my own needs first.

I need to let this (her) go. I need to not be jealous or angry about what she does.

I guess in the end I need to figure out how to love myself most of all. Really, isn't that the key?

Help me understand.

Time2Surrender

Grimnar,sorry to hear your going through this.If someone you care about is lying to you,then you dont having anything worth having to begin with.Let her go.Keep your sobriety your #1 priority.Move on and learn how to love yourself.

Grimnar

Thanks. I am trying.

I still feel like a fool though.

Anna

Hi Grimnar,

You shouldn't feel like a fool. This woman set out to deceive you and you had an open heart. Being open is a good thing, but unfortunately you got hurt in the process. You know you need to stay away from her and take care of yourself. You want to understand what happened - well I would say that everything in life happens for a reason and you need to learn something from this situation and then move on. Take care of yourself.

Love, Anna

Time2Surrender

Your not a fool.It happens to the best of us.Trust me,I could tell you some stories.

Grimnar

I do know I need to stay away. But it's hard. So far so good though. I wondered if I should say something to her and let her know her actions hurt me. But I think for now I will just keep my distance. Thanks Anna.

Thanks to you Time2 as well.

Don W

Hi Grimnar, You aren't a fool. These things happen in sobriety also. The positive is you didn't drink over it, YET. We need to protect ourselves. The fact that you stop contacting her should be enough. You have control over this situation. To continue any contact keeps the control in her hands. Sometimes, although it will hurt also, a clean decisive break hurts less. Sounds to me like she'll move on to another soon as she knows she's lost control. There are plenty of people on these boards that you can talk to and share with. We have PM's for the private things. Don W

jennie@weldings

Hi Grimmer, Its hard to walk away from someone you love, or care for isnt it. Even though you know that person is not healthy for you its like being pulled two ways. I am in the same boat with my ex. I heard today from my two bosses that he is out with other woman and boy did that hurt. I know he is totally wrong for me but I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was. I have a broken heart so its going to take time to mend. Being surrounded with people I trust and love is my rock. These forums also help me big time. I pray, man do I pray to get me through this and not do anything stupid. I take each day as it comes and I dont expect too much of myself. I am here to talk if you need somone to chat too.
Jennie

Grimnar

Thanks Don & Jennie!

Jennie, yeah, I feel the same way with pretty much everything you wrote. And I may take you up on the offer to share with you. If I do, I'll pm you.

- Grimnar

Ann

If she has been lying to you, then the person you love is an illusion. That doesn't make you a fool, it just means that someone else fooled you. There is a difference. Sadly, the internet is a perfect set-up for people to present themselves differently than they really are and my guess is people are fooled more often than you might think.

As you move forward, I hope you meet that special someone who has all the qualities of your illusion only this time it will be for real.

Hugs
Ann

Grimnar

Thanks Ann. I hope one day for that as well.

Time2Surrender

This sounds like my ex-girl friend I met on-line who unfortunatly is the mother of my only son.She sure had me fooled.All she ever did was lie to me and cheat on me.A paternity test will reveal if the child is even mine.