samseb5351

As time goes by (my 11th year in recovery from gambling addiction) I cast my mind back to the landscape of what is behind me, what has worked, what hasn't worked and what is left for me to do. You would think as time passes and the years mount I would be more confident than ever in my understanding of what addiction is and the relationship I have my own gambling problem. This is not the case and as I started my own naive journey to really getting a hold on Evidenced Based Recovery it has become more and more obvious that we humans have really just started to understand the mechanisms, the psychology and the motivations of people with addictions. For every shout of "EUREKA - we have the answer" there is an equally strong "Eureka" in the opposite direction, perhaps one Answer is the correct one but Both cannot be correct. A descent positive skepticism of claims that are made and some simple critical thinking reveals a lot, most of the time it is politics, profit, prestige and proselytizing that pushes these claims and Good science (scientific method) falls away and from my observations the people who suffer are the addicts themselves, we are thrown into a recovery world full to the brim with so called solutions and are left to flounder about trying, discarding and trying again until something Sticks or appears to stick, short term confidence is often overtaken (as life hits us full on) by long term feelings of depression. This kind of sounds a bit gloomy doesn't it? But there is some positives.

I have mentioned before on SR that a key component to my own recovery is developing Critical Thinking skills, always questioning and challenging, being the investigator and asking for evidence. Not being afraid to follow evidence and discarding cherished beliefs. Many of us including myself (in the past) tend to put purposeful intent onto our stories of success and failure, we apply purpose to a story that if things did not happen in the precise way that they happened, we would not be here today. I call BS on this line of thinking, this story of "floundering" is true because that is all we have but to say it was necessary is a confirmation bias that we have a "purpose driven" life and that to me is magical thinking.

What if we start our recoveries learning the skills of critical thinking, what if the words hanging over the front door of my rehab that said "expect a miracle" were replaced by "think critically". What if I had learnt this way of thinking day one, before I started any modalities. I cant go back in time to see, but I can say that my decisions today are ,not really any different from back then. Yes I can hear that negative voice, telling me I wasn't ready, or smart enough and again I call BS on this and I suggest if that indoctrinated message is burning in your brain whether you used or drank yesterday or not then you too can call BS on that excuse.

Thanks

MythOfSisyphus

I hope the potholes have not been too numerous. The only "downs" I have really experiences have been the occasional realization of truths ignored while I was drinking. One can evade reality but the consequences of evading reality!

samseb5351

Perhaps I have given the wrong impression here with the Pot holes analogy, I am not really labeling pot holes as "downs" which can give the impression the less the better, i am trying to make a point more about discarding of ideas and beliefs that mark my recovery history. Also Myth of S I am not sure about what you mean by your second sentence, I maybe getting this wrong but are you suggesting your ignoring of the truth of reality only happened to you while drinking? Has this evasion of reality never been a part or possibly a part of pursuing sobriety as well? ,

jazzfish

Interesting post. I have been thinking how all this fits into that gray area i between quitting and full recovery of cognitive thinking and reward signals. Alcohol abuse diminishes our abilities in decision making, discernment, and reversal learning. On one level I can recognize the harm alcohol does to my life and I can recognize 30 years of evidence that I have never experienced moderate drinking. But I will just a quickly think that drinking moderately is the right choice and obtainable "this time".

How to stay motivated to get through this phase? Or should we just not drink and use the results of abstinence to build the motivation?

On the other hand, I wonder how much of my struggle was based on earlier teachings that quitting would be a life-long, epic struggle?

esinger

My biggest obstacle to my own critical thinking was the perceptions of others.
When loved ones have been convinced that the popular standards that they actually understand very little about are absolute truths. When your not acting as a sheep following the recovery herd you will surely stray too far and perish. Although I can't blame my actions on others, pressure to follow rather than being encouraged lead my own way out of self destruction definitely slowed my progress.
Living a life of rigid idealistic routine, for me, is like hopping on my bike everyday and riding it around my block for hours on end. You waste a lot of gas but never really go anywhere.

GerandTwine

You asked a few months ago:

If you've made a Big Plan, then what's the point of the AV?

The desire to moderate is just your Addictive Voice. By using AVRT you can quickly dismiss the thought, stop spinning your wheels, and get on with life.

samseb5351

Hi Gerantwine I would prefer it if this discussion stayed on topic and didn't become a RR thread.
Thanks

bigsombrero

I wish the words were switched like you suggested - but they are not going to be. Humans are always trying to solve problems. When we can't figure them out, or when they are too vast, we simply use the "G-word" to satisfy that inner craving for knowledge.

I'm old enough to know that I don't know much. Learning more and more about history, science, space, and addiction has only allowed me to take a peek at all the things I DON'T know. And that's just fine. Frankly, that's how it should be. By the time I am an old man, I expect to be truly baffled and in awe of my opportunity to have lived this conscious existence.

It's important to note that in sobriety, I've been able to have much more time and a clear head to learn and ponder the subjects that interest me. The conversations are more interesting. The world is more interesting. I know that drinking, smoking pot, and gambling tend to dominate my time and interest when I partake to an extremely dangerous level. Thus, not partaking in those activities is a good move. I'm sure there is a science behind it, but I am sure we are years away from finding the Rosetta Stone that unlocks the reasoning. Our only choice is to take the same road that other humans have taken. Those that came before us chose to travel on, doing the best with the knowledge they had. I will follow in their footsteps in that regard, and make the best of what I've got.

MythOfSisyphus

I feel like you're overthinking my statement. Do we ignore reality? What the hell is reality for that matter? Do we humans have any access to it at all or just that flickering shadow on the wall of the cave?

Short answer, we probably all selectively attend to reality to some degree. But living in a bottle is to utterly ignore reality entirely. That's the key part. I think we all know that being drunk all the time makes it impossible to live mindfully.

samseb5351

No not over thinking just questioning. If you feel something in regards to my statement, that is your feeling to explore and interpret not anything to do with my thinking.

dwtbd

The different and varied "eurekas" may also stem from mixing and matching points of view of 'addiction'. Addiction as conceptualized, is it epistemologic or existential and according to which pov is it being considered.

samseb5351

My main point is that "eurekas" in recovery (certainly the ones I have experienced) are based on emotion most of the time and not rationale. Its very easy in certain state of mind, re-inforced by the tribe to blissfully create meaning, patternicity and purpose to anything, and ride roughshod over logic, and again speaking for myself believe it to be some kind revelation. Several times mainly in my 12 step days I was so sure I was correct and had found a key that it seemed inconceivable that I would change my mind, then one day you catch yourself making absolute statements with no evidence or thought, often dripping with confirmation bias. For me at least the process towards suffering in this ended up being very similar to addiction itself.

dwtbd

I was responding to what I took in the OP to be comments on the general or consensus understanding of "addiction", and the agreed idea that critical thinking need always be applied. And corrected when necessary.