Juse - My story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 14
Juse - My story
Hello all! Before I dive into my life story I’d like to make a disclaimer. First one being is that everybody’s path is different, how we respond to stress and emotions vary from person to person, same with belief and opinion. While I respect all recovery programs and their methods, my view on recovery is drastically different from most and may be frowned upon by some people, which it should as I’ve arrived at a point in life very few people do, and I say this with humility. Sadly many people will struggle with alcohol for their lifetime, and it saddens me to see people struggle with it, as I was once there, gripped by it. For everyone there is hope though, and I hope that my life story can be an inspiration for you so that YOU can change, and that your view of the world and alcohol can be radically altered almost overnight like it did mine.
My name is Nate, I grew up in Washington State to a very supportive, loving home with 2 brothers and 1 sister, and I’m the youngest. My childhood was bliss; I couldn’t have asked for a better environment to be raised in, I had family and friends all around me who loved each other. Growing up I knew nothing of alcohol, no one drank, did drugs or smoked, I experienced no pain of losing loved ones, or being abused or any of the struggles many people go through, thankfully. However I believe the alcoholism gene (if there is one) runs in my bloodline as both of my granddads were drinkers, and I suspect my oldest brother drinks heavily but I’m unsure as he lives a thousand miles away and we don’t keep in contact much.
Fast forward to junior high and high school, all my siblings rebelled early on through the use alcohol, drugs, music, anything a rebellious teen in the 90’s would do. I followed suit and at the age of 13 tried weed for the first time, I loved it. It wasn’t until I was 16 that I started smoking weed regularly and went to my first party where I subsequently got **** drunk, blacked out and woke up in the backyard of my friend’s house, I went home with a horrible hangover and swore I would never drink again! That didn’t last, before long every weekend was a party, it wasn’t for any sort of escape, it was just something to do, something to cure the boredom and a way to meet girls.
I went to college what should’ve been my junior year of high school to pursue physics, at this point in time I was still in the mindset of making new friends and enjoying life through the use of drugs and alcohol, however because I was now in college, I started making new friends and lost many of the old ones. At 17 I dropped out to work and party, and that’s when I met Andrew, he was mid 20s and a full blown alcoholic, almost every night for 2 years we would sit on his porch and drink til sun up, sometimes doing coke or smoking pot but only on those rare occasions when we’d throw a party.
When I was 19 my 2nd oldest brother bought a motorcycle and moved back to my hometown from Portland OR to work and save some money. Shortly thereafter we both decided to save every dime we could, I’d buy a motorcycle, then we’d leave our hometown and live on the road for a while like nomads.
Life was good. We’d camp wherever we could, get smashed every night on 40s and hard alcohol, meet and party with friends wherever we’d go. Long story short these few months were a lot of fun, I experienced so much traveling!
Months later we arrived in San Diego, we loved the weather, we got into surfing, learned how to sail, we had friends and family here, so we decided to make this home. This is when my spiral into the abyss of drinking and drug use began. At age of 19 to 20 I still couldn’t buy alcohol, but convinced by brother on occasion to get me some. What I could do was manufacture and buy drugs, I experimented a lot with psychedelics, I grew mushrooms, bought acid and research chemicals when I could, extracted DMT from mimosa hostilis root bark, mescaline from Peruvian torch cacti. I was addicted to mind altering substances and used these on a regular basis.
By 21 I was a recluse, I stayed inside almost all the time on my computer just playing video games, reading, and drinking till all hours of the night. I had no friends, my brother moved out and I felt very much alienated from the world. I drank, I drank, and I drank. I hid my drinking from my roommate and everyone around me, when he would go on deployment for 6 months at a time I had the whole house to myself and would REALLY drink. Every night I drank to escape the harsh reality that I created for myself, that I was a nobody, I had nothing to show for, I worked a crappy job, had no degree, had no car, no friends, and no life whatsoever. I contemplated suicide a lot throughout this time; I saw no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel. Alcohol gripped me and would not let go, every morning I would wake up riddled with fear and anxiety, I could hardly look anybody in the eye or interact with people other than at work, I was scared and full of fear, and around and around it went! I numbed these feelings with more drink. I couldn’t stop the vicious cycle I was in.
At the age of 23 I stumbled upon this website and attended my first AA meeting, I felt drained and hopeless, the stories and support here humbled me and helped me through those times when I tried to get sober, but usually sobriety for me lasted for 1-2 weeks.
November 2011 was when life took a turn for the worse, my roommate who I had been living with for all my time in San Diego was getting married and bought a house. Fortunately my sister who had moved down here let me move in with her but it was only temporary. My life continued the same as it was, I stayed up late playing games and would drink well into the night after everybody went to bed so nobody knew exactly how much I was consuming. They all knew, everybody knew.
Finally at the beginning of 2012 I moved into my truck because tensions were growing in the house and I wanted to be alone and free from responsibility, free to drink, free from criticism about my life choices. Living in my truck wasn’t all that bad; it was an adventure I thought! I not only would drink down at the park after work, I began taking painkillers and dealing pot for extra cash. I met a guy at the park one day who I could only assume was a junkie, I was so far down the path of destruction that I wanted to try it so we ended up meeting up one night, fortunately for me he warned me against it, saying I should just stick to weed, I left shortly after, disappointed I couldn’t score heroin. It was at this point I hit my crossroads or “rock bottom” as some people call it. I was either going to live and thrive or I was going to keep going deeper into drug addiction and wind up dead.
February 21, 2012 was when my life changed, but I didn’t know it at the time. I had called up my friend Steve, he was a bodybuilder. I needed a gym membership so I could shower and I thought, “eh might as well lift some weights here and there.” So it began, he trained with me for a week, showing me the ropes then finally leaving me to my own. I was a little frightened by the gym and insecure, everyone was so in shape and confident and I was the exact opposite: beer gut, skinny arms and super anxious. I kept at it though, I kept going, I cut out my drinking because I heard that it could be detrimental to lifting. After a couple months I became so obsessed with bodybuilding and nutrition that I became addicted! I became so enthralled, reading anything and everything I could on the subject. It became my passion, and slowly but surely drinking became less of a thought, it took a back seat.
Months later I showed up at my sister’s house, she jumped up and exclaimed “wow you look great!” it was at this point I saw worth in myself. I became more open and social with people, I started dating girls again and making new friends. I lifted everyday for hours, sometimes twice a day. I became so focused on getting in shape and improving my body, everything changed mentally and spiritually as well. It’s as if a burden had lifted off of me from my years of drinking, without much of a struggle it almost just disappeared and the smoke cleared.
I was renewed through and through with this passion, never skipping a day at the gym, counting calories and the foods I ate. To go back to drinking, overeating or even skipping out on workouts meant my physique would suffer, that I would backslide and not attain my goals, this is my biggest fear, and this is what keeps me going.
I believe alcohol is inherently bad, I live in a beach town where everybody drinks and I witness 2nd hand what it does and the way it makes people act. It’s so stupid and pointless, the buzz is fun but it’s a dead end, there’s no reward in it.
Looking back to the point before I started lifting, it’s hard to even imagine who I was or even whether I was truly an alcoholic (I know this is the crazy thought all alcoholics have) but I truly question this. I can’t recall the last time I had a hangover, in the past 3 months I’ve probably drank about 3 times and no more than 3 beers, once on my birthday and the two other times on dates. In fact, I sometimes still go out like I did last week and won’t have a drink, when I do drink I fit it into my calories for the day, but tend to shy away from it altogether cause I know that it’s horrible for you. I just don’t care for it anymore, something in my brain switched. I’ve realized what’s important to me and what I’m passionate about and found more purpose in my life.
To drink in moderation was never my goal, it’s something I have no preference for, I don’t even recommend any of you strive for that. But I DO urge you all to find what you’re passionate about. Be the inspiration to yourself, be the inspiration to those around you, become a success story, find some purpose and visualize who you want to be every day and strive to reach that.
Thanks for reading my story, maybe I’ll post some before and after pictures for yall! I’m rooting for you just like I quietly root for the out of shape guys I see in the gym, because I know what it was like to be there.
My name is Nate, I grew up in Washington State to a very supportive, loving home with 2 brothers and 1 sister, and I’m the youngest. My childhood was bliss; I couldn’t have asked for a better environment to be raised in, I had family and friends all around me who loved each other. Growing up I knew nothing of alcohol, no one drank, did drugs or smoked, I experienced no pain of losing loved ones, or being abused or any of the struggles many people go through, thankfully. However I believe the alcoholism gene (if there is one) runs in my bloodline as both of my granddads were drinkers, and I suspect my oldest brother drinks heavily but I’m unsure as he lives a thousand miles away and we don’t keep in contact much.
Fast forward to junior high and high school, all my siblings rebelled early on through the use alcohol, drugs, music, anything a rebellious teen in the 90’s would do. I followed suit and at the age of 13 tried weed for the first time, I loved it. It wasn’t until I was 16 that I started smoking weed regularly and went to my first party where I subsequently got **** drunk, blacked out and woke up in the backyard of my friend’s house, I went home with a horrible hangover and swore I would never drink again! That didn’t last, before long every weekend was a party, it wasn’t for any sort of escape, it was just something to do, something to cure the boredom and a way to meet girls.
I went to college what should’ve been my junior year of high school to pursue physics, at this point in time I was still in the mindset of making new friends and enjoying life through the use of drugs and alcohol, however because I was now in college, I started making new friends and lost many of the old ones. At 17 I dropped out to work and party, and that’s when I met Andrew, he was mid 20s and a full blown alcoholic, almost every night for 2 years we would sit on his porch and drink til sun up, sometimes doing coke or smoking pot but only on those rare occasions when we’d throw a party.
When I was 19 my 2nd oldest brother bought a motorcycle and moved back to my hometown from Portland OR to work and save some money. Shortly thereafter we both decided to save every dime we could, I’d buy a motorcycle, then we’d leave our hometown and live on the road for a while like nomads.
Life was good. We’d camp wherever we could, get smashed every night on 40s and hard alcohol, meet and party with friends wherever we’d go. Long story short these few months were a lot of fun, I experienced so much traveling!
Months later we arrived in San Diego, we loved the weather, we got into surfing, learned how to sail, we had friends and family here, so we decided to make this home. This is when my spiral into the abyss of drinking and drug use began. At age of 19 to 20 I still couldn’t buy alcohol, but convinced by brother on occasion to get me some. What I could do was manufacture and buy drugs, I experimented a lot with psychedelics, I grew mushrooms, bought acid and research chemicals when I could, extracted DMT from mimosa hostilis root bark, mescaline from Peruvian torch cacti. I was addicted to mind altering substances and used these on a regular basis.
By 21 I was a recluse, I stayed inside almost all the time on my computer just playing video games, reading, and drinking till all hours of the night. I had no friends, my brother moved out and I felt very much alienated from the world. I drank, I drank, and I drank. I hid my drinking from my roommate and everyone around me, when he would go on deployment for 6 months at a time I had the whole house to myself and would REALLY drink. Every night I drank to escape the harsh reality that I created for myself, that I was a nobody, I had nothing to show for, I worked a crappy job, had no degree, had no car, no friends, and no life whatsoever. I contemplated suicide a lot throughout this time; I saw no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel. Alcohol gripped me and would not let go, every morning I would wake up riddled with fear and anxiety, I could hardly look anybody in the eye or interact with people other than at work, I was scared and full of fear, and around and around it went! I numbed these feelings with more drink. I couldn’t stop the vicious cycle I was in.
At the age of 23 I stumbled upon this website and attended my first AA meeting, I felt drained and hopeless, the stories and support here humbled me and helped me through those times when I tried to get sober, but usually sobriety for me lasted for 1-2 weeks.
November 2011 was when life took a turn for the worse, my roommate who I had been living with for all my time in San Diego was getting married and bought a house. Fortunately my sister who had moved down here let me move in with her but it was only temporary. My life continued the same as it was, I stayed up late playing games and would drink well into the night after everybody went to bed so nobody knew exactly how much I was consuming. They all knew, everybody knew.
Finally at the beginning of 2012 I moved into my truck because tensions were growing in the house and I wanted to be alone and free from responsibility, free to drink, free from criticism about my life choices. Living in my truck wasn’t all that bad; it was an adventure I thought! I not only would drink down at the park after work, I began taking painkillers and dealing pot for extra cash. I met a guy at the park one day who I could only assume was a junkie, I was so far down the path of destruction that I wanted to try it so we ended up meeting up one night, fortunately for me he warned me against it, saying I should just stick to weed, I left shortly after, disappointed I couldn’t score heroin. It was at this point I hit my crossroads or “rock bottom” as some people call it. I was either going to live and thrive or I was going to keep going deeper into drug addiction and wind up dead.
February 21, 2012 was when my life changed, but I didn’t know it at the time. I had called up my friend Steve, he was a bodybuilder. I needed a gym membership so I could shower and I thought, “eh might as well lift some weights here and there.” So it began, he trained with me for a week, showing me the ropes then finally leaving me to my own. I was a little frightened by the gym and insecure, everyone was so in shape and confident and I was the exact opposite: beer gut, skinny arms and super anxious. I kept at it though, I kept going, I cut out my drinking because I heard that it could be detrimental to lifting. After a couple months I became so obsessed with bodybuilding and nutrition that I became addicted! I became so enthralled, reading anything and everything I could on the subject. It became my passion, and slowly but surely drinking became less of a thought, it took a back seat.
Months later I showed up at my sister’s house, she jumped up and exclaimed “wow you look great!” it was at this point I saw worth in myself. I became more open and social with people, I started dating girls again and making new friends. I lifted everyday for hours, sometimes twice a day. I became so focused on getting in shape and improving my body, everything changed mentally and spiritually as well. It’s as if a burden had lifted off of me from my years of drinking, without much of a struggle it almost just disappeared and the smoke cleared.
I was renewed through and through with this passion, never skipping a day at the gym, counting calories and the foods I ate. To go back to drinking, overeating or even skipping out on workouts meant my physique would suffer, that I would backslide and not attain my goals, this is my biggest fear, and this is what keeps me going.
I believe alcohol is inherently bad, I live in a beach town where everybody drinks and I witness 2nd hand what it does and the way it makes people act. It’s so stupid and pointless, the buzz is fun but it’s a dead end, there’s no reward in it.
Looking back to the point before I started lifting, it’s hard to even imagine who I was or even whether I was truly an alcoholic (I know this is the crazy thought all alcoholics have) but I truly question this. I can’t recall the last time I had a hangover, in the past 3 months I’ve probably drank about 3 times and no more than 3 beers, once on my birthday and the two other times on dates. In fact, I sometimes still go out like I did last week and won’t have a drink, when I do drink I fit it into my calories for the day, but tend to shy away from it altogether cause I know that it’s horrible for you. I just don’t care for it anymore, something in my brain switched. I’ve realized what’s important to me and what I’m passionate about and found more purpose in my life.
To drink in moderation was never my goal, it’s something I have no preference for, I don’t even recommend any of you strive for that. But I DO urge you all to find what you’re passionate about. Be the inspiration to yourself, be the inspiration to those around you, become a success story, find some purpose and visualize who you want to be every day and strive to reach that.
Thanks for reading my story, maybe I’ll post some before and after pictures for yall! I’m rooting for you just like I quietly root for the out of shape guys I see in the gym, because I know what it was like to be there.
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