oocleanchickoo

I am feeling alot of feelings I'm not wanting to face. It brings me such sadness over the things I've done during my addiction. It's almost like I'm in denial of the things I've done. I have so much shame. When you wrote on it how did it make you feel?

SoberSilvia

I write every day anyway, just an ongoing journal that no one will ever see. To your question, I felt that writing about it was a positive experience because I only felt the need to write about feelings that represented some new kind of clarity -- or perhaps an issue that I hadn't realized. It was as if writing about it made it real and connected me to a part of myself.

For example, drinking wine (even when I started diluting it with water) helped me get through the evenings. It dulled the loneliness to the point where I could actually focus on work or something productive and get to another place where it wasn't just me alone in the house. It was my comfort, and I was terrified to have to give it up.

Now, just 200 or so days out, I realize that the night will pass whether I drink or not. Duh? It's still not fun, and I have had to change my evening routine entirely. But I know that regardless of what I do or don't do (drink, or not), the evening will pass. I just have to figure out a way to get from one moment to the next untill sleep calls... So I do a lot of reading. That's the sort of thing that I write about.

I figure if I go back to drinking at some point and can't figure out how to stop again, maybe I can do back and read of the small victories, and they will help.

Also, when you write for yourself, that's a form of self validation. Maybe you can't be totally honest with a friend or therapist, but no one is going to read your journal, and you can write as little or as much about whatever you want. Good luck!

Gmoney

When I first did any writing on the 1st Step, I didn't write about feelings (maybe I'm missing the point...I dunno). The 1st Step was about me coming to grips with my powerlessness and unmanageability. I really didn't get into exploring my feelings until I did Step 4.

stairs

I am currently writing on step 1. I'm almost through the first set of questions. I have stuff to add every time I look at them.
Sure there's a lot of shame but we are doing this to be free so I put it all out there, write it all down, even if it's embarrassing.
I'm glad my sponsor told me to take my time because it's hard work.

aNewEternity

my old substance abuse counselor recommended writing down some of the negative consequences I'd experienced due to drinking because it utilizes different parts of the brain than does just thinking about it.