messed up my meds...and relapsed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
messed up my meds...and relapsed
I was recently diagnosed as Bipolar (mixed) after being on many different Antidepressants for the last 13 years.They would work for a short while, but my moods/behaviors were always erratic.Went from job to job, moved many times etc.I recently had a bad crisis of drinking wine every night and not being able to sleep/bad panic attacks etc.My Pdoc put me on Symbiax 3/25 for my extreme depression and started me on Lamictal 25mg and to increase/titrate to 150mg every 2 weeks. He also advised me to wean off Effexor and I am now down to 18.75 .Symbiax seemed to work the first night I took it.I slept soundly for the first night in weeks. I also stopped the wine. But after taking the Symbiax for 3 nights I started reading the possible s/e and I became concerned about my excessive hunger, and the possibility of NMS and TD.Igot really paranoid and flushed them.I now am back to not being able to sleep.I only had 4 more days on it anyway.Do u think I messed myself up by stopping it? I am embarrassed to tell pdoc what I did. And I also know that I did it because I wanted to drink, which I did on night 4. I am so afraid to go nuts again. I hate the way I sabotage myself.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Violet, hugs,
Pdocs deal with people like us, they know the sorts of things we do, and being good about our meds...is something we often DON'T do.
So yes, tell the doc. they won't be surprised. and being honest helps them help you. Tell they exactly which possible SE worried you so they can help you find a drug that you feel safer with, or they can give you more information about the SE that might help you make a more informed decision.
A treatment cannot help us if we, for any reason, are unable to comply with it. So the thing to do is so find a treatment we will follow, that will address our illness. Our all or nothing thinking can get us into big trouble with this.
That mile a minute thinking of ours sometimes takes us down dead end roads or speeding round and round mental traffic circles.
Sleep is a huge issue for me as well. but right now I have no Rx meds for it. One of the reasons I drank and drugged was to stop the anxiety, racing thoughts and just get some rest.
The actions you describe here are often referred to as self sabatoge, but sometimes I feel like that is either a "bad girl, bad bad girl, shame on you for not taking your meds" approach by others or us and our own voices (not neccessarily literal) telling us we are failing again.
The truth is huge numbers of people put on Rx drugs stop them, or take them improperly or lie to their docs about them...people with no mental illness issues at all, and often the reason is SE, or they start feeling better and decide they don't need them anymore, or they are expensive...sound familiar?
This is not us self sabatoging or being crazy it's being human, and yes we need to find the right meds and take them properly but stopping a med because the SE are something we can't live with is a valid decision. We have a right to quality of life as much as anyone.
Support groups, real support groups, moderated by someone who doesn't let them disintegrate into pissing parties, can be a real help. There is most likely a point, for us or anyone with a chronic illness, that we have to be responsible and do a trade off, we need the meds to function and we may have to accept dealing with some SE, cost issues etc. But most of the time we can find a balance, but we do have to be honest with our docs about it.
I have been and am going through similar situations, and i know how frustrating and sometimes down right scary it can be. And I get angry, real angry about it at times. But then I have to put those things aside and do what I gotta do (grumble grumble lots of not nice words here). Or I have to be willing to live with the effects of my illness, which aren't so good either. But it can be real tempting to live with the devil I know...sigh.
Pdocs deal with people like us, they know the sorts of things we do, and being good about our meds...is something we often DON'T do.
So yes, tell the doc. they won't be surprised. and being honest helps them help you. Tell they exactly which possible SE worried you so they can help you find a drug that you feel safer with, or they can give you more information about the SE that might help you make a more informed decision.
A treatment cannot help us if we, for any reason, are unable to comply with it. So the thing to do is so find a treatment we will follow, that will address our illness. Our all or nothing thinking can get us into big trouble with this.
That mile a minute thinking of ours sometimes takes us down dead end roads or speeding round and round mental traffic circles.
Sleep is a huge issue for me as well. but right now I have no Rx meds for it. One of the reasons I drank and drugged was to stop the anxiety, racing thoughts and just get some rest.
The actions you describe here are often referred to as self sabatoge, but sometimes I feel like that is either a "bad girl, bad bad girl, shame on you for not taking your meds" approach by others or us and our own voices (not neccessarily literal) telling us we are failing again.
The truth is huge numbers of people put on Rx drugs stop them, or take them improperly or lie to their docs about them...people with no mental illness issues at all, and often the reason is SE, or they start feeling better and decide they don't need them anymore, or they are expensive...sound familiar?
This is not us self sabatoging or being crazy it's being human, and yes we need to find the right meds and take them properly but stopping a med because the SE are something we can't live with is a valid decision. We have a right to quality of life as much as anyone.
Support groups, real support groups, moderated by someone who doesn't let them disintegrate into pissing parties, can be a real help. There is most likely a point, for us or anyone with a chronic illness, that we have to be responsible and do a trade off, we need the meds to function and we may have to accept dealing with some SE, cost issues etc. But most of the time we can find a balance, but we do have to be honest with our docs about it.
I have been and am going through similar situations, and i know how frustrating and sometimes down right scary it can be. And I get angry, real angry about it at times. But then I have to put those things aside and do what I gotta do (grumble grumble lots of not nice words here). Or I have to be willing to live with the effects of my illness, which aren't so good either. But it can be real tempting to live with the devil I know...sigh.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,964
Hi VioletF.
It is my downfall that I specialize in self-sabotage, yet I do my best to manage that. My hopes in dual-disorder treatment is to be honest with my care providers. That way I'm given the best chance in having a successful treatment. I would recommend the same for you.
I wish you all the best with your treatments to gain better overall health.
It is my downfall that I specialize in self-sabotage, yet I do my best to manage that. My hopes in dual-disorder treatment is to be honest with my care providers. That way I'm given the best chance in having a successful treatment. I would recommend the same for you.
I wish you all the best with your treatments to gain better overall health.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
Dear Thresh and Zen, I have quite a story to tell you. Right now I am about to go to sleep bc I have been up for hours with insomnia. But it's about the meds. I ended up in the hospital with a severe life threatening rash for 7 days and have been on oral steroids for a month. So much for trusting your docs. I haven't been on in over a month and I am drinking daily. I need to get my self together. Will elaborate more soon, Thanks for your input and help. I did not mean to take so long to respond, Just been to hell and back the last month!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Lamotragine! I am SO sorry.
talk about horrific side effects.
violet, what a mess. it's bad enough that we start drinking/using to self medicate, but after some experiences like that...feel like we need to medicate against the side effects from medication.
I am glad you are back on SR, and yes, please share more as soon as you are able.
And you'll probably want to punch me for saying this...but this is one of those horrific side effects that happens to some people when they go on that med. Did your dr alert you this was possible? I don't know if your dr was irresposible or un trustworthy, but no matter how responsible a dr is, some people will get awful side effects, and there is no way to predict this ahead of time, other than being suspicious if a close family member had a similar reaction.
It's hard not to write off dr's and meds when something like this happens, but sometimes we have to try again.
I only feel like I have any right to say this because I've gone through some hell due to meds, and swore off, and realized I had to try again. In the meantime I F'd myself up with drugs and booze, which of course, wrecked my life and put me through hell too...they are meds that don't work just like the Rx can be.
talk about horrific side effects.
violet, what a mess. it's bad enough that we start drinking/using to self medicate, but after some experiences like that...feel like we need to medicate against the side effects from medication.
I am glad you are back on SR, and yes, please share more as soon as you are able.
And you'll probably want to punch me for saying this...but this is one of those horrific side effects that happens to some people when they go on that med. Did your dr alert you this was possible? I don't know if your dr was irresposible or un trustworthy, but no matter how responsible a dr is, some people will get awful side effects, and there is no way to predict this ahead of time, other than being suspicious if a close family member had a similar reaction.
It's hard not to write off dr's and meds when something like this happens, but sometimes we have to try again.
I only feel like I have any right to say this because I've gone through some hell due to meds, and swore off, and realized I had to try again. In the meantime I F'd myself up with drugs and booze, which of course, wrecked my life and put me through hell too...they are meds that don't work just like the Rx can be.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Dear Violet...
Severe BP type I mixed state with GAD checking in here...and recovered alkie...i missed my meds for a few days last month and went into crisis, no hospital..my daughter, an RN got me to my doc on the 5th day. I was right where you are, but i didn't drink, a miracle for me. My doc was not angry, he said my meds weren't working...and tweaked them a bit. Doing well now, thank God, my doc, family, and AA. yes, sometimes we self sabotage...doc said I was just trying to cope and feel better, that if meds aren't working...we sometimes do anything we can to avoid the panic and insomnia. i was working and did not want to miss work to go to the clinic...real smart, lol. Now, I've had to resign, and back to bi-weekly appts to monitor my progress. The way (he) put it, my priorities were topsy turvy...I put my job first, Mom care second, and myself last. We must take care of ourselves, first! blessings to you, and prayers you find a combo that works...hugs!
Severe BP type I mixed state with GAD checking in here...and recovered alkie...i missed my meds for a few days last month and went into crisis, no hospital..my daughter, an RN got me to my doc on the 5th day. I was right where you are, but i didn't drink, a miracle for me. My doc was not angry, he said my meds weren't working...and tweaked them a bit. Doing well now, thank God, my doc, family, and AA. yes, sometimes we self sabotage...doc said I was just trying to cope and feel better, that if meds aren't working...we sometimes do anything we can to avoid the panic and insomnia. i was working and did not want to miss work to go to the clinic...real smart, lol. Now, I've had to resign, and back to bi-weekly appts to monitor my progress. The way (he) put it, my priorities were topsy turvy...I put my job first, Mom care second, and myself last. We must take care of ourselves, first! blessings to you, and prayers you find a combo that works...hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 178
My Overall Symptoms WERE:
Anxiety, racing thoughts, insomnia, depression, night sweats, severe mood swings. Recurring thoughts/fear of losing mind/PANIC ATTACKS, Derealization (feelings of unreality), Depression. Isolating. Overwhelmed, hard to deal with Stress. Divorced 13 years, Single mom. No Support system. Haven’t dated in 3 years. Don’t care to date go out. Fight with daughter, hard to control anger .Overweight. Right before period get really out of control. Almost cannot function before period. Birth Control pill helps a bit, but has side effects as well. Also drinking wine has increased to daily 4 to 5 glasses every night
************************************************** ********
3/2012-- Saw PDOC, He diagnosed me as Bipolar type 2 and Put me on Symbyax 3/25 for a week for my severe depression. He also started me on Lamictal. For the 1st time in years I FELT HOPE! After a week of Symbyax he tried me- 1st on Abilify but was too stimulating and didn’t work, PLUS MADE ME TURN BRIGHT RED AND HOT FACE. SO he put me on Seroquel and kept me on the Lamcital. Got Rash. Told me to continue increasing and not worry. When reached 1 month (100mg) Lamcital and Seroquel 50mg, Developed terrible rash all over body. ( I am ashamed to admit I was drinking on the Lamictal which may have contributed
Anyways.....Was hospitalized for 7 days due to SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTION TO LAMICTAL AND RASH ALL OVER BODY (NOT FOR ANY PSYCHIATRIC REASON-lol) and put on IV Solumedrol high doses in the 200’s. While in the hospital I was on Effexor XR 37.5 bid and Klonopin TID and Ativan 2mg for sleep. They tapered me off the high IV steroids, discharged me and put me on Oral Prednisone. Have been decreasing it for the last 3 weeks, tapering off now. Feel terrible. Prednisone is hell. I have the Moon Face (almost got the buffalo hump) Have gained 10 pounds. My blood pressure is high. I am having severe mood swings. Panic Attacks, SOB , Insomnia. SO the Catch 22 is I am worse now then before I went to see him initially. I look like a pig. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without getting depressed. Hopefully all this will go away once the Pred is out of my system.
Went back to PDOC (who was so sorry this happened to me)lol. He gave me Saphris (AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC) I tried it for one night and I felt like I was going to die after 1 dose. Horrible nightmares and palpitations all night long. SOOOOO, I Tried to Resume the Seroquel again but stopped it after a few days. I notice it gives me SOB and puffy eyes and also may have contributed to rash allergic reaction (started to get mild rash again).
The allergist said 1 in 8000 get this reaction from Lamictal and possibly am also allergic to the Seroquel.
5/12- Current Medications: Presently on Ativan for sleep, very low effexor (trying to get off) and xanax as needed. Just got off Prednisone after one month taper. (Being on Prednisone is a nightmare) I started at 80 and now am on 5mg. Have moon face, super swollen, moody, agitated, high blood pressure, insomnia, hunger! And feel terrible. I honestly just want to heal and take a break. Obviously I have to STOP DRINKING !!! I mean during my whole Prednisone course I have drank. God knows I probably have caused all of this because I didn't care enough of about myself to stop drinking, I am really afraid. I don't know if I should go to REHAB.
Nonmedical approaches-on and off therapy since 1999. 2005 to 2011. Acupuncture and Chinese herbs
Spirituality, Metaphysics, Reiki, Craniosacral Therapy, Group work, hypnotherapy FOR YEARS (even got certified), meditation, retreats, workshops, courses, exercise, self help books etc.
Anxiety, racing thoughts, insomnia, depression, night sweats, severe mood swings. Recurring thoughts/fear of losing mind/PANIC ATTACKS, Derealization (feelings of unreality), Depression. Isolating. Overwhelmed, hard to deal with Stress. Divorced 13 years, Single mom. No Support system. Haven’t dated in 3 years. Don’t care to date go out. Fight with daughter, hard to control anger .Overweight. Right before period get really out of control. Almost cannot function before period. Birth Control pill helps a bit, but has side effects as well. Also drinking wine has increased to daily 4 to 5 glasses every night
************************************************** ********
3/2012-- Saw PDOC, He diagnosed me as Bipolar type 2 and Put me on Symbyax 3/25 for a week for my severe depression. He also started me on Lamictal. For the 1st time in years I FELT HOPE! After a week of Symbyax he tried me- 1st on Abilify but was too stimulating and didn’t work, PLUS MADE ME TURN BRIGHT RED AND HOT FACE. SO he put me on Seroquel and kept me on the Lamcital. Got Rash. Told me to continue increasing and not worry. When reached 1 month (100mg) Lamcital and Seroquel 50mg, Developed terrible rash all over body. ( I am ashamed to admit I was drinking on the Lamictal which may have contributed
Anyways.....Was hospitalized for 7 days due to SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTION TO LAMICTAL AND RASH ALL OVER BODY (NOT FOR ANY PSYCHIATRIC REASON-lol) and put on IV Solumedrol high doses in the 200’s. While in the hospital I was on Effexor XR 37.5 bid and Klonopin TID and Ativan 2mg for sleep. They tapered me off the high IV steroids, discharged me and put me on Oral Prednisone. Have been decreasing it for the last 3 weeks, tapering off now. Feel terrible. Prednisone is hell. I have the Moon Face (almost got the buffalo hump) Have gained 10 pounds. My blood pressure is high. I am having severe mood swings. Panic Attacks, SOB , Insomnia. SO the Catch 22 is I am worse now then before I went to see him initially. I look like a pig. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without getting depressed. Hopefully all this will go away once the Pred is out of my system.Went back to PDOC (who was so sorry this happened to me)lol. He gave me Saphris (AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC) I tried it for one night and I felt like I was going to die after 1 dose. Horrible nightmares and palpitations all night long. SOOOOO, I Tried to Resume the Seroquel again but stopped it after a few days. I notice it gives me SOB and puffy eyes and also may have contributed to rash allergic reaction (started to get mild rash again).
The allergist said 1 in 8000 get this reaction from Lamictal and possibly am also allergic to the Seroquel.
5/12- Current Medications: Presently on Ativan for sleep, very low effexor (trying to get off) and xanax as needed. Just got off Prednisone after one month taper. (Being on Prednisone is a nightmare) I started at 80 and now am on 5mg. Have moon face, super swollen, moody, agitated, high blood pressure, insomnia, hunger! And feel terrible. I honestly just want to heal and take a break. Obviously I have to STOP DRINKING !!! I mean during my whole Prednisone course I have drank. God knows I probably have caused all of this because I didn't care enough of about myself to stop drinking, I am really afraid. I don't know if I should go to REHAB.
Nonmedical approaches-on and off therapy since 1999. 2005 to 2011. Acupuncture and Chinese herbs
Spirituality, Metaphysics, Reiki, Craniosacral Therapy, Group work, hypnotherapy FOR YEARS (even got certified), meditation, retreats, workshops, courses, exercise, self help books etc.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Rehab...is always an option, a good one. Alcohol will stop or delay the effects meds have on the brain...one of my Pdocs informed me a long time ago, and fired me because I was drinking. i understand re the panic attacks...how i hate getting those. Don't give up on finding a treatment that will work for you! You are worth it.
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