GalFriday

I started taking one lortab every few days 4yrs ago. I don't even know when I became addicted or started popping 6-8 pills per day, it just creeped up on me. I never made a conscious decision to get where I am, never even gave it a thought, it just HAPPENED. And now I feel like the last 4 yrs have passed in the blink of an eye. So that leads me to wonder what the next 4 years holds in store. Will I just wake up one day in 2016 snorting or shooting the stuff? Will I still have my home? my son? I read the "bad" posts on here over and over again so that the stories will burn into my brain and make me succeed in quitting now before it's too late. So thank you to everyone who posts their horror stories, and know that it does help others.

jfrancis0626

Hey Galfriday. You will stop. When your ready, you will stop. I realized something in becoming clean, I had to really want it. I was forced into gettin clean in the beginning, to be honest, I didn't want to because it masked all my pain. But, eventually, once I really wanted to get clean and sober, I finally started to really try. You will get there!
You gotta get a good strong support network. And you will find that when your ready.
Best of luck to u! Please vent to me anytime!!

Julz

GalFriday

thanks for writing. Right now I "sort-of" want to get clean. I know I need to, I know I'm on a slippery slope, I know I'm not doing the right thing. I'm still struggling with the thoughts that the pills make me a better and more productive person. So I am here trying to make myself really really want to be clean (if that even makes since). This site so far has been an eye-opening experience about my situation that I've been completely naive about.

prima

I am holding a lot in my heart and mind, which I need to tell someone, hence I am writing it here. I got married to an irresponsible guy. I left my job and my studies so that I could stay with him. He never took any responsibility in the marriage and wanted money from my parents. We got separated and I went to USA for studies thinking that I will come back to my country once I see a little responsibility in him. Due to separation, I became alcoholic. I asked him for help, which he refused. I was so desperate to get out of alcoholism that I had few affairs, I told him about my affairs. I also told him that I really needed his help, and I still need it. He got married to someone else without getting divorced with me. I was devastated, and I had few more affairs. Ultimately I fell into severe depression and tried to commit suicide manier times. I was in ICU twice, because of acute liver failure, and was in therapy for a couple of weeks. My family came over and took me back to my country. I am with my family since last 1 year and recovering. Though I get thoughts of committing suicide sometime, but its not that strong. This is the shortest version of what really happened with me. I never thought I will ever live, but because of Gods grace and my family's support, I am going much better.

jfrancis0626

GalFriday, OF COURSE it makes sence hun!! As crazy as addiction is, i do understand what u mean.
You will get there. U made the decison to come to SR.com, so thats a step in the rigfht direction.
Keep posting and chatting people up on here, it can only do u some good.
best of luck!!
Hit me up if u ever wanna chat som more!

jfrancis0626

Prima! Thanks for posting!! Maybe you could start a new thread so that we could get to know you better??
Thanks again for sharing!!

NewAttitude

Here is a prayer that was suggested to me:

"Lord, I'm not willing to _____; But I am willing to be made willing..."

(fill in the blank with a positive change you are trying to make, like getting sober, etc. This prayer has helped me a lot, maybe it will help you too

keltie

Galfriday, that's exactly how I feel. My usage never got too out of control. I understand it would have escalated, and I too hope I am wise enough to listen to the voices of experience here.

No matter what people say, I know I would not have gotten TOO far off track bc I have a husband and parents who are very involved in my life and I just couldn't have hidden it that well. I have never snorted or used a needle, and I know I wouldn't have. It almost makes me faint to think of doing it- I'm not physically capable!!

But I prob would have kept swallowing pills, building my tolerance higher and higher...and feeling emptier and emptier. I know that. vicodin was the strongest i ever took, and i'm so glad of that. i have gotten some ugly withdrawals (not as bad as the ones I hear posted here) and I do NOT want to go thru that again. I feel fairly confident that i'm on the right track, but I do understand I could slip.

finaltime

Gal Friday, I felt and still feel that I'm more productive and have more energy with pills. However that is when I have them and am not worried about running out or counting or thinking about how I can get more if I use them before my next script or if I do run out how I will I lie to my husband about being sick again? Or take care of my one year old when I am sick until my next pill, or canceling plans because I don't know if I will have pills.. I am not sure you are at that point yet but if you continue on this path it will lead to misery. I can promise that. My addict self is still convinced I can get more pills and use them like a normal person would!! Ha ha and I have thought that for years!! You will quit when your ready, or be like me and quit when they finally ran out. I was cut off by the only pharmacy in China that actually sold them, and the doctors also caught on since they saw me wayyyy to often!! I think by you coming on here you foresee that you have a problem, but not ready just yet. We are here for you!
Prima, start a new thread and I am glad you are safe with your family!

aeo1313

This thread is everything I am thinking!! I so can relate.

jfrancis0626

Did any see if Prima started a new thread?