Innerchild

I was after my recent visit to the psych unit. I am not happy with this diagnosis and any years ago I diagnosed myself with it and took a Cognitive Behaviorial Therapist a year to convince me I didnt have it instead just suffered from depression and anxiety. When I drink I exhibit the traits but when I am sober I dont. I hate being labeled by these doctors.

HighHopes

I was diagnosed with BPD, but after my p-doc moved I stopped taking meds and didn't look for a new doc. I wonder the same, did he put a label because I was totally nuts after years of stimulants and alcohol abuse or did the symptoms of BPD waned in time.

catmilkyo

Yeah I've been diagnosed as this but find that I only act in those ways when I am using. When I'm sober I have depression and self esteem issues but given how my life has been I don't think it's abnormal.
I sometimes think that the one doctor and one counselor who have diagnosed that in me didn't see me long enough and were diagnosing based on my crazy history of substance abuse and some of the things I did while using - not being in control of my feelings and making poor choices. For my own self esteem I've stopped taking all of the psych labels seriously. Whatever treatment works for me is what I go with. But BPD still feels like a psychiatric insult and I resent being labeled like that a lot.

jhay

I have been diagnosed but I believe it to be accurate. With the right cocktail of meds and DBT therapy one on one as well as group therapy, I've been able to manage it quite nicely. If you have any questions about the disorder feel free to private message me.

jhay

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) combines techniques from a number of different areas of psychology, including mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and relaxation and breathing exercises. Research has demonstrated its general effectiveness for people with borderline personality disorder.

Innerchild

I am going into Cognitive Behavorial Therapy. I am def BPD when Ive been drinking liqour or PMSing but if not I am pretty normal but I is still in me bc I hide very well when I am either sober or not PMSing but the thoughts and feelings are still there

AD33

Hi,

I'm new to AA and have just been diagnosed with BPD and depression, which I feel is correct. Haven't started relevant treatment yet but am hopeful it will be helpful alongside AA.

AD33

Hi again, Could anyone offer experience on navigating AA recovery and treating BPD at the same time? I'm new to AA (not to 12 step rooms though) with a very recent BPD diagnosis and find that I go into intense shame and destructive thinking when I share in meetings, which isn't helping my AA recovery but which I don't think is solely due to untreated alcoholism. I often want to self-harm after meetings and feel intensely abandoned when people don't rescue me though I know that's for my own good! I'm fighting for outside treatment for the BPD, which should be forthcoming soon. I'm lucky enough to be in the UK where I have access to free healthcare for this condition. Very luckily my sponsor also has a BPD diagnosis and seeing her recovery gives me hope. Thanks

karilynn27

Well that's one of my diagnosis, I'm to tired tonight to be of much help but let's just say I'm getting more than just sobriety out of all this. Want to talk. Will post tomorrow

Innerchild

My therapist put me in an outpatient support group called quest at the local hospital. Its a dual diagnosis group and told by my psychiatrist its more effective than AA bc it treats both issues not just alcoholism. I am having the same problem. Take away the alcohol and all my negative feelings are coming up. Its hard to post too much now someone is looking over my shoulder lol. You ever want to talk I completely understand. AA treats alcoholism but those of us who drink to self medicate an mental ilness need more.

AD33

Hello, I saw your post re: BPD and 12 step recovery, thanks, and thought I'd post a reply as I can't yet send private messages.

I'm currently awaiting treatment for BPD via the British NHS and am hopeful I'll have a better experience with AA than I did in other fellowships now that I have a proper mental health diagnosis. Personally, I find that I get very needy in meetings then hate myself and self-harm or have suicidal thoughts, which causes me to want to reject AA though I'm doing my best to stick with it.

I did steps in other fellowships and became mentally very unwell as I now realise what came up was just too overwhelming at the time. When I share I have dramatic outbursts and then go into intense shame and more suicidal feelings, or I dissociate, and then beat myself up for not working a programme properly.

I'd be interested to hear more of your experiences with dual recovery. All the best, Aline

logicalparadox

I'll definitely be keeping my eye on this. One therapist did dx me with it, others have been hesitant...but I have so many of the traits. I don't do a lot of the total black/white-all good or all bad but I've got pretty much the host of others. It really makes me so so so upset w/myself b/c it's usually the men who I cared most about that I'd be so self-destructive towards myself/push them away.

Sucks. I really need to get back in therapy. I think I try so hard elsewhere in life that most all of my friends/professionals don't see it. I (a few slips here and there but a LOT better) really struggled w/self-injry and also an eating disorder (it waxes and wanes--i'm bulimic. my weight my drop below what they "consider" bulimic--but it is what i am. i may go through periods of just restricting but it's not often). I'm hoping to find a way to actually start to deal with it, I've become a ball of anxiety. I constantly obsess and relive the past, i'm not sure if that's part of all of this, but it's gotten really really hard lately. I'm so so uncomfortable w/anger...I've become really reclusive b/c i'm afraid of losing my ish on someone.

I finally was going to get into a DBT group, but it's during one of my classes. I really do want to tackle this more and I'm at a bit of a loss.

AD33

Hi, I'm posting on this forum because things feel difficult today. I just handed in a tea commitment at an AA meeting because, last week, I left the meeting and almost bought painkillers to overdose on due to overwhelming feelings of shame, rage and fear. I'm so pissed off that I don't feel ready to get into the middle of the bed so to speak but am trying to focus on the positive:

1. I have not had a drink or any other chemical today.
2. I met two safe people for coffee, before and after a local AA meeting, and helped put chairs away at the meeting.
3. I am posting my feelings and experiences here.
4. I went to the gym.
5. My dog was fed and looked after today.

I have been disassociating in meetings and sometimes self-harming afterwards or entertaining suicidal thoughts. What is driving me crazy is that I unwittingly created an abusive abandoning Higher Power in other fellowships and need to do some deprogramming (maybe through therapy?) before I feel safe enough to continue with the AA steps. I am about 5 weeks without alcohol at present and obsessing about being in a relationship and previous self-destructive obsessions with unavailable men, plus the past.

Trying to accept I must be where I am for a reason.

Hopefully someone will identify with this or get something out of it.

logicalparadox

AD33-- I have a really hard time w/obsessing over/massive guilt which feeds into self-destructive actions i/r/t men from my past. I wish I had wise words, or anything of comfort...but I'm still at a loss of sorts. I keep replaying conversations and actions I did when really drunk a lot these last couple days (on day 6 sober, so it's full force all the sudden). I spend so much time lost in my head to avoid what's right in front of me. Thinking of you.

AD33

Well done on 6 days sober. I have found a few safe AA people to speak to about my emotions and thoughts. Also there are people experienced in recovery on this 'site. Maybe of help?

Innerchild

I spoke to my therapist on Monday and I told her I was not happy with the psychiatrists dx of BPF because she saw me for about ten min per day for a week and one of my lowest points. I also told her I do not want to label myself as an alcoholic either because I feel like once people label you you start to define yourself with these labels. She agree with me and also told me like many other therapists Ive had that dont agree with labeling that ,pstly everyone has borderline traits and not to define myself with them. Treat yourself with compassion dont allow any dx define you.

karilynn27

About the only diagnosis they haven't given me over the years is schizophrenia and mpd so I've kinda learned to take it all with a grain of salt. It does not define who I am. I am a human being with mental illness but sometimes I think they like to throw a new diagnosis at you when they can't figure out what the hell to do with you or for you. Sometimes they would give me a new diagnosis and then introduce a new drug to my brain. I like my psychiatrist that I have now. We both have the same goal which is keep me steady with a minimum of drugs. Getting ready to try therapy once again and see if it can do me some good. I am not a diagnosis. I am me.

Onewithwings

I was diagnosed with BPD which I only had some of the symptoms of. It turned out later that they dropped the diagnosis after a Neuro-psych evaluation and diagnosed me with Asperger's. After reading much about each of them, Asperger's is far more fitting. I also have Bipolar, Anxiety (many types), and PTSD.

AD33

At the moment to be honest I'm relieved to have a concrete diagnosis as it takes some of the shame away concerning past behaviour etc., and gives me some hope in terms of targeted therapy.

I don't like the idea of more/new medication but at this point my attitude is, if it helps me to participate in a 12 step programme that addresses my alcoholism and addictions then fine.

I look forward to reaching a point where other aspects of who I am can emerge more fully: my creativity and humour for example.

Being gentle sounds like a good idea.

AD33

At the moment to be honest I'm relieved to have a concrete diagnosis as it takes some of the shame away concerning past behaviour etc., and gives me some hope in terms of targeted therapy. I don't like the idea of more/new medication but at this point my attitude is, if it helps me to participate in a 12 step programme that addresses my alcoholism and addictions then fine.

I look forward to reaching a point where other aspects of who I am can emerge more fully: my creativity, femininity and humour for example.

Being gentle sounds like a good idea.