I need help and don't know how to post on this site yet....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Village of the damned
Posts: 2
I need help and don't know how to post on this site yet....
I've been addicted to vicodin for 7 years now...but never this bad... i use to be able to go days without them without withdrawal... now I'm taking them just to not feel the horrible sickness... My husband and family are oblivious to my addiction.. and i'm up to about 120 norcos in 3 days... sometimes i take so many i get sick... i don't know how to cope with this.. i don't know how to get help without my husband finding out... if he does he will take my 2 year old son from me... somehow i still manage to take care of my son but my husband has noticed that i do nothing for him and ignore him and have extreme mood swings... i love him... and i want to feel normal again......... i'm so miserable.
i really don't want this. I have endometriosis and three slipped discs in my back i honestly have legit pain... i'm too afraid to be without my pain pills...but know this is wrong..and my quality of life is poor.... i have to do this alone. i guess this is why i am reaching out here... any tips are greatly appreciated...
i really don't want this. I have endometriosis and three slipped discs in my back i honestly have legit pain... i'm too afraid to be without my pain pills...but know this is wrong..and my quality of life is poor.... i have to do this alone. i guess this is why i am reaching out here... any tips are greatly appreciated...
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Welcome to SR.
I haven't used pills nor have chronic problems with pain, I'm sure others here have and might be able to help. I know this site has lots of different forums, but try and look through them, use search as well for others here who use vicodin.
Best wishes .
I haven't used pills nor have chronic problems with pain, I'm sure others here have and might be able to help. I know this site has lots of different forums, but try and look through them, use search as well for others here who use vicodin.
Best wishes .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,602
Hi pleaseplease
I moved your post here.
I really think you need to face your fear here and get help - by your own admission, your addiction is impacting upon your role as wife, and may soon possibly as mother (I'm not sure if the 'him' is your husband or your son)
If you don't get help, things are likely to escalate and they will get worse - then others will get involved anyway for the welfare of your son.
Please - at least see your Dr about this.
D
I moved your post here.
I really think you need to face your fear here and get help - by your own admission, your addiction is impacting upon your role as wife, and may soon possibly as mother (I'm not sure if the 'him' is your husband or your son)
If you don't get help, things are likely to escalate and they will get worse - then others will get involved anyway for the welfare of your son.
Please - at least see your Dr about this.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 379
Hi Please, sadly the longer we stay on any type of opioid drug (even low doses for legitimate pain) the more our bodies develop a tolerance to the drug. One of the problems with tolerance is that we become dependent on ever increasing doses just to function. There seems to be a fine line between dependence and addiction and usually if we are concerned about our escalating usage it means we may have tipped over into active addiction to the medication. I am generalizing here - everyone is different...
There is another condition that may overlap with opioid tolerance. This is opioid induced hyperalgesia. This occurs when prolonged use of opioids leads to a paradoxic increase in pain. This can occur despite increases in the opioid dosage. The pain can become more widespread, occurring in areas beyond where the original pain was located.
I started five years ago with vicoprofin for legitimate purposes. The first year or so my use escalated so slowly I had no idea I was setting myself up for dependence on the drug. It was not an everyday thing back then. When the doctor finally cut me off I went into withdrawals and did not like the feeling. Instead of putting up with a week of discomfort and a couple of weeks of insomnia (which is about what I would have experienced at my level of usage at that point) I allowed myself to continue to seek out ever increasing doses to the point where my addiction ran rampant...within three years I was snorting 30mg oxycodone pills like they were candy.
I set myself up for a very long and uncomforable detox because I was afraid to stop.
If you are serious about wanting to stop there are several options. You can: i) see a doctor about a replacement program (i.e. suboxone), ii) discuss tapering down with your doctor to a very low dose to jump off of, iii) find a detox center or, iv) if it has only been opioids that you have been using you can choose to go through the withdrawal process at home. Since you are concerned about your family the home route may be a good one.
The acute phase of withdrawal from the dose of opioids that you are describing typically lasts 3-5 days, but chances are you will feel weak for longer than that. Symptoms include all the things you would normally get from a bad tummy flu including chills, hot flashes, a healthy case of the runs, general discomfort with restless leg syndrome and insomnia for the first few days or week. Insomnia for me lasted for a very long time but I was ingesting quite a bit more in the opioid department...
This is a great place to discuss this with other folks. Please let us know how you are doing and what you decide. You will find a ton of people here who will be willing to share how they were able to handle withdrawals and transitioning from opiates/opioids to non narcotic pain relief. Many of us on the forum deal with ongoing pain issues and have found non narcotic methods to deal with our pain. You are not alone!
There is another condition that may overlap with opioid tolerance. This is opioid induced hyperalgesia. This occurs when prolonged use of opioids leads to a paradoxic increase in pain. This can occur despite increases in the opioid dosage. The pain can become more widespread, occurring in areas beyond where the original pain was located.
I started five years ago with vicoprofin for legitimate purposes. The first year or so my use escalated so slowly I had no idea I was setting myself up for dependence on the drug. It was not an everyday thing back then. When the doctor finally cut me off I went into withdrawals and did not like the feeling. Instead of putting up with a week of discomfort and a couple of weeks of insomnia (which is about what I would have experienced at my level of usage at that point) I allowed myself to continue to seek out ever increasing doses to the point where my addiction ran rampant...within three years I was snorting 30mg oxycodone pills like they were candy.
I set myself up for a very long and uncomforable detox because I was afraid to stop.
If you are serious about wanting to stop there are several options. You can: i) see a doctor about a replacement program (i.e. suboxone), ii) discuss tapering down with your doctor to a very low dose to jump off of, iii) find a detox center or, iv) if it has only been opioids that you have been using you can choose to go through the withdrawal process at home. Since you are concerned about your family the home route may be a good one.
The acute phase of withdrawal from the dose of opioids that you are describing typically lasts 3-5 days, but chances are you will feel weak for longer than that. Symptoms include all the things you would normally get from a bad tummy flu including chills, hot flashes, a healthy case of the runs, general discomfort with restless leg syndrome and insomnia for the first few days or week. Insomnia for me lasted for a very long time but I was ingesting quite a bit more in the opioid department...
This is a great place to discuss this with other folks. Please let us know how you are doing and what you decide. You will find a ton of people here who will be willing to share how they were able to handle withdrawals and transitioning from opiates/opioids to non narcotic pain relief. Many of us on the forum deal with ongoing pain issues and have found non narcotic methods to deal with our pain. You are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Very well said, Spica.
I would add that the opiate induced hyperalgesia doesn't get better as long as you are on opiates, it gets worse. Increasing dosages may appear to help briefly, but the condition advances to the place where the only pain relief you CAN get is at toxic levels of opiates that can kill you.
If you are taking a combination drug such as vicodin, which has both opiate and tylenol in it, be aware that the FDA has recently reassessed acetaminophen (tylenol) and now considers more than 3 grams a day to be toxic, which means it destroys the liver cells among other things. Since many pills have 350 to 500 mg PER PILL, if you take more than 6 to 10 pills a day, you have reached acetaminophen toxicity levels.
If you HAVE been doing that amount for a long time, I would implore you to get liver function studies done. You don't have to tell your husband, but you would have to tell your doctor so he/she would know why you need testing. This would also be a good opportunity to get some medical help, both with detox and for the withdrawal symptoms you will have.
Good luck. We are all glad you are here for help.
FT
I would add that the opiate induced hyperalgesia doesn't get better as long as you are on opiates, it gets worse. Increasing dosages may appear to help briefly, but the condition advances to the place where the only pain relief you CAN get is at toxic levels of opiates that can kill you.
If you are taking a combination drug such as vicodin, which has both opiate and tylenol in it, be aware that the FDA has recently reassessed acetaminophen (tylenol) and now considers more than 3 grams a day to be toxic, which means it destroys the liver cells among other things. Since many pills have 350 to 500 mg PER PILL, if you take more than 6 to 10 pills a day, you have reached acetaminophen toxicity levels.
If you HAVE been doing that amount for a long time, I would implore you to get liver function studies done. You don't have to tell your husband, but you would have to tell your doctor so he/she would know why you need testing. This would also be a good opportunity to get some medical help, both with detox and for the withdrawal symptoms you will have.
Good luck. We are all glad you are here for help.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Village of the damned
Posts: 2
I have read up on hyperalgesia and can feel the difference...ive told my psychiatrist about this but am afraid to tell my dr. i dont want them to say for the safety of the child i have to contact dpss.............I am a great mother and devote all of my energy to my son...but lack tbe power to be a wife and friend..ive tried detoxing alone but my brain over powers my heart...i feel alone and lost.........and i know i shouldnt say "great" mother but his needs are met and i am there for his emotional growth..i know ill be even better when im off this **** that is ruining my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Pleaseplease,
I think you have it backwards. It is your "heart" that is overpowering your brain.
We all have primal urges and needs and instincts, which is how we "feel" about what we want. Your rational, logical brain is being pushed around by the "addict brain" part of you.
If you are serious about keeping custody of your son, and you have concluded you can't ask your doctors for help, that leaves YOU to do this.
All of us here who have successfully recovered have had to reach a place where using was no longer more attractive to us than recovery. Quite the opposite. Recovery becomes a much more attractive option than drugs or alcohol, especially when the consequence of continuing to use are so great they cost us the things that mean the most to us in life.
You've got to get help if you aren't strong enough to overpower your "heart".
Either way, you have some hard choices to make.
Good luck. We really want to help you, but you have to take the first step.
FT
I think you have it backwards. It is your "heart" that is overpowering your brain.
We all have primal urges and needs and instincts, which is how we "feel" about what we want. Your rational, logical brain is being pushed around by the "addict brain" part of you.
If you are serious about keeping custody of your son, and you have concluded you can't ask your doctors for help, that leaves YOU to do this.
All of us here who have successfully recovered have had to reach a place where using was no longer more attractive to us than recovery. Quite the opposite. Recovery becomes a much more attractive option than drugs or alcohol, especially when the consequence of continuing to use are so great they cost us the things that mean the most to us in life.
You've got to get help if you aren't strong enough to overpower your "heart".
Either way, you have some hard choices to make.
Good luck. We really want to help you, but you have to take the first step.
FT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 448
PleasePlease: I understand what you are saying about the worry of your son if you come clean to outsiders.
It might not be as bad as you're thinking. Does your husband come with you to your Dr. Appt's? Probably not if he doesn't know your meds or dosages. Are you being prescribed by a Dr. or buying off the street? If your Dr. is prescribing to you he must know what he is giving you - unless you are going to more than one doctor for pills.
Your Dr. (main one) if more than one, probably knows you have a 2 year old.
I suggest an appointment to discuss your drug use and to ask for help to stop taking the narcotics. If he/she knows your history it's unlikely he's going to insist on calling in CPS when he/she prescribed them for you in the first place!
Perhaps your Dr. can help with comfort measures for w/d at home. Although it would he best to be honest with your husband, if you feel you just can't but are serious about stopping the opiods, you could just have a very bad flu. If it gets too bad do you have a friend or neighbor that could babysit for you while you have this very bad flu?
You have so much to gain if you quit and so much to lose if you don't. Life with a drug addiction never gets better, it only gets worse.
We've all been through it, read and read somemore, this site has been a godsend for so many of us.
I really hope you start recovery, your baby needs you. Your husband needs you and your life needs you. (And it always worries me that someone young enough to have a 2 year old could become pregnant again!! Then what!!??
...Ruby...
As usual my warning: This is my opinion only and I may be full of it!
It might not be as bad as you're thinking. Does your husband come with you to your Dr. Appt's? Probably not if he doesn't know your meds or dosages. Are you being prescribed by a Dr. or buying off the street? If your Dr. is prescribing to you he must know what he is giving you - unless you are going to more than one doctor for pills.
Your Dr. (main one) if more than one, probably knows you have a 2 year old.
I suggest an appointment to discuss your drug use and to ask for help to stop taking the narcotics. If he/she knows your history it's unlikely he's going to insist on calling in CPS when he/she prescribed them for you in the first place!
Perhaps your Dr. can help with comfort measures for w/d at home. Although it would he best to be honest with your husband, if you feel you just can't but are serious about stopping the opiods, you could just have a very bad flu. If it gets too bad do you have a friend or neighbor that could babysit for you while you have this very bad flu?
You have so much to gain if you quit and so much to lose if you don't. Life with a drug addiction never gets better, it only gets worse.
We've all been through it, read and read somemore, this site has been a godsend for so many of us.
I really hope you start recovery, your baby needs you. Your husband needs you and your life needs you. (And it always worries me that someone young enough to have a 2 year old could become pregnant again!! Then what!!??
...Ruby...
As usual my warning: This is my opinion only and I may be full of it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Please))) - welcome to SR! Lots of good advice above, especially those who have been where you are.
You're at the point most of us find ourselves (my DOC - drug of choice) was crack. I didn't want to deal with the consequences, I didn't want to be an addict, but I didn't wanna give up the crack, either.
You're doing severe damage to your liver. Trust me, I know of people who have died in their 20's from liver failure due to drugs or alcohol. You admit to having "severe mood swings" - sweetie, this does affect your child, even if he's only 2. I am NOT judging you as a mom, but kids pick up on far more than we give them credit for, and being kids...they grow up thinking if anything is wrong, it's their fault.
There are a lot of people, here, who have gotten off the opiates, there are meetings (NA, AA), and other recovery programs. We're here to support you, but the wanting recovery more than wanting the drugs is going to have to come from you. In all honesty, the last time I smoked crack (my relapse), I was NOT ready to quit it forever..still had it in my mind that I could use "occasionally". After a bit of time, I no longer wanted to use. Do I wanna get numb when things go bad? Yep, just not bad enough to actually DO anything about it..those are just feelings and I don't have to act on them.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
You're at the point most of us find ourselves (my DOC - drug of choice) was crack. I didn't want to deal with the consequences, I didn't want to be an addict, but I didn't wanna give up the crack, either.
You're doing severe damage to your liver. Trust me, I know of people who have died in their 20's from liver failure due to drugs or alcohol. You admit to having "severe mood swings" - sweetie, this does affect your child, even if he's only 2. I am NOT judging you as a mom, but kids pick up on far more than we give them credit for, and being kids...they grow up thinking if anything is wrong, it's their fault.
There are a lot of people, here, who have gotten off the opiates, there are meetings (NA, AA), and other recovery programs. We're here to support you, but the wanting recovery more than wanting the drugs is going to have to come from you. In all honesty, the last time I smoked crack (my relapse), I was NOT ready to quit it forever..still had it in my mind that I could use "occasionally". After a bit of time, I no longer wanted to use. Do I wanna get numb when things go bad? Yep, just not bad enough to actually DO anything about it..those are just feelings and I don't have to act on them.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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