Originally Posted by Scrubmuncher

Hi, I joined today as I am in desperate need of some kind of out. I keep putting myself in situations when drunk that I know I will regret, but it is like some form of self harm. I have recently got drunk and started phoning people I barely know telling them alsorts of lies, just for someone to talk to for that moment. The other night I went and knocked on some neighbours doors to tell them I had seen someone climbing the garden fence, I hadn't, I just wanted someone to talk to for that moment, even if brief.
I don't drink every day but when I do I get slaughtered, well and truly. This is now effecting my parents as I have started calling and knocking on thier doors talking crap, really bad stuff.
I'm the most relaxed and down to earth guy you can meet when sober, but I am getting worse and very dangerous as I get older.
A few years ago I got so drunk and lonely I cut my finger off just to take my mind away from being so lonely and otherworldly.
I've always contemplated suicide but I know better times come back eventually. But I can not live like this. Hiding in my bed all week afraid to leave the house for fear of what I may have done or said when drunk. I just don't know how to deal with getting out of the house this time, I'm terrified.