breal

I'm going to make a long story short.I've been sober for over 8 years without aa, feeling lonely and bored lately.I'm wondering if im strong enough to join facebook being that alot of my old drinking buddies are on there.Remember its been 8 years since i seen them.Have i changed enough i dont know the obsession to drink is completely gone?

FT

In my opinion, the short answer is NO!

Any way to hook up with old drinking buddies is a bad thing.

Especially if you left an old life behind and never replaced it with an active, new, clean social group.

Feeling bored and lonely, with your first thoughts turning to hooking back up with these old drinking friends, should already be a danger sign to you.

FT

ExBudGal

If you have to ask, I'm thinking NO!!

Having only been sober a little over 3 months, my experience when bumping into (only a couple of times) old drinking friends is relief that I am no longer in the same boat. But I don't temp myself by purposely hanging out where I know they will be all liquored up. Not worth the risk.

BHF

It may be a good way to communicate with new friends? Others in recovery? If you are concerned about being contacted by old friends, set your security level to block them, so that they can't even see your on FB. Or, if they attempt to "friend" you, decline. It doesn't inform them they have been rejected, they just don't receive a response.

billsaintjames

If you're using it just to re-connect with drinking buddies, I'd say no.

CarolD

Why not look for real life non drinking people to be friends with?

Well done on your 8 sober years...

Impurrfect

I am on FB, but 95% of my friends are people from here, the others are family. I was recently reconnected with friends I knew well before my addiction, and am hoping to see them f2f soon.

I get lots of friend requests, but don't accept anyone who doesn't fit into my recovery way of life.

I agree that meeting F2F friends is best, and though I have a few, I'm pretty busy with 2 jobs and school, and only use FB to catch up on what my friends are doing, send a message if I want to. I spend little time on it, but do enjoy seeing family pics (my family lives a long, long way from here). Rarely spend time on it, but as a cousin lives in Joplin, have been keeping up with he and his kids there.

As for reconnecting with old drinking buddies? I agree...no use going there. FB CAN turn into somewhat of an obsession for some people just be forewarned.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Lily

I have been on FB for years. I set up my page originally and reconnected with EVERYONE, X's, old dealer, etc. (he is in the program now) X using buddies, most are clean....but then I decided to shut my page down. Now I have started up very wisely. I no longer accept everyone, request everyone nor do I have people from my past, save a few high school friends. I am a different person now and my settings are VERY private. it is working for me.

BeenDown2Times

I'm still pretty active on social networks and am only 22 days sober. I will admit though that its tough to see my friends photos and statuses when they're drinking. Especially on weekend nights and holidays. But I absolutely love waking up Sunday mornings and checking in after morning meditation and a nice run. I'm feeling great and they're all hungover and miserable.

pinkgurl87

I am on facebook, though I don't have many people on there that I used with mostly people in recovery and friends i know not from using. If your careful who you add I think it's ok.

newcastleuk

no

11johnrambo

I have facebook and have barely touched it since I started AA a month ago.

dreamscape

No

LovesToTravel

I don't have FB but my daughter said that the first thing she was going to do was delete hers when she graduates. Sounds like too much work to me...so NO.

oxyious

I disagree with some people. Facebook is just like real life, you'll run in to unsavory people... HOWEVER, I agree with them when it comes to avoiding people that fueled your using. In real life, we can't shut ourselves away and walk around with blinders on, so act like you would live on facebook, don't "friend" people that aren't good for you and actually "reach out" to recovering members and you might find it a good tool if you don't abuse it.

If you are afraid of old friends finding you and having a spaz that you are a recovering addict, you can handle that one of two ways: Create a new account and be more private, just use your last initial, don't make your photos public or realize if they can't support your sobriety, they aren't really your friends.

Just my two cents. (Thats how I found myself friendless. lol) Since then, I've met a lot of good people and I'm working on what I hope to be long friendships. I don't care who they are, always be weary and don't be too quick to trust (I'm known for that). THAT is what will give you regrets. (Like me helping a kid from the AA/NA center that claimed to be beaten at home, etc, etc and I took him in and he ended up stealing my car, phone and money.

The longer you are sober, the better your judgement becomes. I made that brilliant decision to help him my first few days into meetings. tsk tsk tsk, shame on me.

NVRAGAIN3PCT

Walking a fine line....you can't escape reality but you can make it your own.

If you had considered FB for other reasons, with 8 years sober, why not? But reading your concerns are troubling. If you don't have the strength to not be in contact with those folks then it's probably not a good idea...

(says the girl who's cleaning house, for the second time )

Blessings and stay strong. Seek trusted counsel and do what is right for you.

Thank you for being here.

Congratulations for 8 years!!!

mfanch

Congrats on 8 years.

I cannot speak for the quality of your recovery, but I would check my motives very carefully before putting my sobriety at risk. Is loneliness a valid reason for joining FB?

I know my brain tells me that enough time has passed since my last drink/drug and that I am ready to mingle with the past again in safety. I choose not to. I have a new network of friends now and my FB page is totally revamped and locked down. It is MY page and I carefully screen all friend requests and so forth. Having said that, I have a sponsee who relapses every time she reactivates her account.

I guess my point is to be VERY sure of your recovery and your motives. Good luck in whatever you decide.

oxyious

Hi mFanch!

I am in NO way doubting your belief system, as we each have our own sets of triggers, etc. But, if lonliness it'self is a trigger, shouldn't someone try a few ways to squash that as long as they have the willpower to get out of the situation (i.e. close down the fb page) if they see themselves making poor decisions? Lonliness is a huge trigger for me. Since I had nobody, I wanted to stay at home "comfortably numb" where I didn't care. And then trust issues, (another trigger) got set off again when someone from NA/AA (a supposed safe haven) rail-roaded me, and I'm still getting threatening letters left on my door from this person AND his/her friends to scare me out of pressing charges. I've really been put to the test lately.

The person that did it, apparently uses the AA/NA clubhouse to prey unvulnerable people and literally hangs out there from open to close and I approached him/her in a very calm manner the other night stating this: "you have over 15 meetings a day to go to, I have the right to the support and to get well too, can't you please give me just one meeting a day that you won't be here"?

The answer, was a flat out, contrived NO! with an evil grin. The people around him/her, their friends even looked at this person like "wtf". That is NOT a good attitude for someone that is supposed to be there for themselves and others promoting sobriety for all. I mean, I asked for ONE meeting out of every meeting throughout the day. (and due to a restraining order, I have my limitations to being around this person. So, when I can't make it to one of those meetings, I do rely heavily on the people around here!!!

I tend to ramble, but my point is ---> If you KNOW your triggers and think you can control them, I think anything within reason and legal is worth a try. I go to play poker and pool at a bar and only order diet coke (the jury is out if I'm an alcoholic) and that would NOT be a recommended action of an alcoholic but so far it has been working for me, but at the first sign of me reactiving drug-seeking behavior or making poor decisions-- I would be out of there quicker than you can blink. Out of my card tourneys, etc... I've made one friend, a very nice person that doesn't party and is a pleasure to be around.

so ask yourself.. is ________ my trigger? If I join fb and it goes wrong, do I have the willpower to back out ASAP? If it were me and the answer was yes, I would try it with caution. Maybe even get a sober buddy to monitor you at first as they might see signs that you should get out before you do. I have a "guardian" up at the pub I play cards and pools when sitting at home alone for the umpteenth day/night in a row and I can't deal with it and simply want to be around people.

THANK YOU GUYS!