Hiding things...
Clever Yak
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Hiding things...
Sometimes when I talk to people I just feel like I'm hiding my whole life from them. I feed them a superficial image of me, oh yeah, my life has been real "normal," and NEVER EVER delve into the real stuff... then it makes it worse when I finally have to own up to it, if I ever do. I just picture someone giving me that speech, like "you've been hiding this from me for all that time?? WTF, I thought I was your friend." I'm not a fan of confrontation, I'm not a fan of attention, but I'm not a fan of hiding my life either. It's not like I lie to them, I just don't tell them the whole story...
Yes, my dad was around...but was always high.
Yes, I lived in a decent house with a little yard when I was young...but everybody screamed at each other and cops visited often
Yes, my mom was a typical mom when I was younger...then she left me behind
Yeah, I had a lot of friends in high school...because they were the people that I ran drugs with
The list goes on... I'm just tired of doing it. It's even the little things, like deleting my internet history after I visit this website so if anyone wandered onto my computer, they would never know, or hiding my ACA book between two other books with the spine facing backwards so nobody can read it. I'm just fed up!
Yes, my dad was around...but was always high.
Yes, I lived in a decent house with a little yard when I was young...but everybody screamed at each other and cops visited often
Yes, my mom was a typical mom when I was younger...then she left me behind
Yeah, I had a lot of friends in high school...because they were the people that I ran drugs with
The list goes on... I'm just tired of doing it. It's even the little things, like deleting my internet history after I visit this website so if anyone wandered onto my computer, they would never know, or hiding my ACA book between two other books with the spine facing backwards so nobody can read it. I'm just fed up!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Jason,
this saying came to mind, tho its not much to offer.
"Those that mind don't matter and
those that matter don't mind."
You are a really neat person, and probably part of that is due to your life experiences. It is not like you asked for the family you were given, and you made the best of a tough life. I am happy, to see you making good of your life, when the cards were stacked against you. It warms my heart, to see a young man doing the right things, and being a friend here to others. and caring about them. I wish my son who is probably twice your age, would turn out to be half the man you are.
I wish that you never felt that you have to hide anything. I have found that almost all families have something that they wish to hide, and some of the most pompous, big headed people turned out to be guilty of some pretty low stuff.
You are still young, and have a lot of life in front of you. I am glad that you are on the path to success. I would be so proud to have a son like you.
hugs
chicory
this saying came to mind, tho its not much to offer.
"Those that mind don't matter and
those that matter don't mind."
You are a really neat person, and probably part of that is due to your life experiences. It is not like you asked for the family you were given, and you made the best of a tough life. I am happy, to see you making good of your life, when the cards were stacked against you. It warms my heart, to see a young man doing the right things, and being a friend here to others. and caring about them. I wish my son who is probably twice your age, would turn out to be half the man you are.
I wish that you never felt that you have to hide anything. I have found that almost all families have something that they wish to hide, and some of the most pompous, big headed people turned out to be guilty of some pretty low stuff.
You are still young, and have a lot of life in front of you. I am glad that you are on the path to success. I would be so proud to have a son like you.
hugs
chicory
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sorry you feel that way Jason....I agree with chicory that it really won't matter to the folks you really want to have in your life. How about "Well, my childhood was complicated, but it made me who I am today."
Not everyone needs to know the details.....even really good friends don't have to know every gory detail. What you share with others is entirely your decision. What you keep to yourself is not a sign of being deceitful....it's just common privacy. You get to decide.
Hugs, HG
oh....right....you're not a hugger....sorry!!!
Not everyone needs to know the details.....even really good friends don't have to know every gory detail. What you share with others is entirely your decision. What you keep to yourself is not a sign of being deceitful....it's just common privacy. You get to decide.
Hugs, HG
oh....right....you're not a hugger....sorry!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
That's kind of how it is, for most of us, to some extent. That's what's great about meetings -- you don't have to hide anything, because everyone else in the room has gone through some of the same stuff (or even much worse).
For my part, though, I don't mind if someone "catches" me reading an Al-Anon or ACA book. I don't go out of my way to talk about it, but it's there. Sometimes I'll put a 12-step bookmark on my desk at work... you'd be surprised at who notices it and stops hiding their own stuff!
T
For my part, though, I don't mind if someone "catches" me reading an Al-Anon or ACA book. I don't go out of my way to talk about it, but it's there. Sometimes I'll put a 12-step bookmark on my desk at work... you'd be surprised at who notices it and stops hiding their own stuff!
T
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Rooster Poot, Texas
Posts: 76
I can completely relate, Speedy Jason/Silent Jay :ghug3:
I grew up in a very small town where from the outside our home looked white picket fence normal~~ Mom & Dad, two children, nice yard, dogs, went to Sunday School & church, holidays, school functions, visits with grandparents, family reunions... the works. White Picket Fence.
Inside, it was nothing like that. NOTHING. I grew up with Don't Tell ingrained in me~~ I kinda figure almost everyone here on this forum grew up like that. It's one of the things we almost all seem to have in common~~ that intrinsic secrecy/privacy.
What I always hate when I divulge bits & pieces of Real Me is the look of shock people get, or sometimes horror, & worst of all... pity. Very few people get let in on my actual childhood/life story. I would think that feeling you have is due to you wanting to share that part of you & I think that's healthy because it's breaking the chains of silence & those chains are part & parcel of the whole problem we are all in here. So~~ share those things, share those pieces of you, but do it selectively. People you trust with it, people who actually matter in your life, at meetings as someone else suggested where it's going to be the norm, not the exception.
I think it's good that you're 'fed up with it'. That's healthy.
I grew up in a very small town where from the outside our home looked white picket fence normal~~ Mom & Dad, two children, nice yard, dogs, went to Sunday School & church, holidays, school functions, visits with grandparents, family reunions... the works. White Picket Fence.
Inside, it was nothing like that. NOTHING. I grew up with Don't Tell ingrained in me~~ I kinda figure almost everyone here on this forum grew up like that. It's one of the things we almost all seem to have in common~~ that intrinsic secrecy/privacy.
What I always hate when I divulge bits & pieces of Real Me is the look of shock people get, or sometimes horror, & worst of all... pity. Very few people get let in on my actual childhood/life story. I would think that feeling you have is due to you wanting to share that part of you & I think that's healthy because it's breaking the chains of silence & those chains are part & parcel of the whole problem we are all in here. So~~ share those things, share those pieces of you, but do it selectively. People you trust with it, people who actually matter in your life, at meetings as someone else suggested where it's going to be the norm, not the exception.
I think it's good that you're 'fed up with it'. That's healthy.
Clever Yak
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by TenNinetySix 
I can completely relate, Speedy Jason/Silent Jay :ghug3:
I grew up in a very small town where from the outside our home looked white picket fence normal~~ Mom & Dad, two children, nice yard, dogs, went to Sunday School & church, holidays, school functions, visits with grandparents, family reunions... the works. White Picket Fence.
Inside, it was nothing like that. NOTHING. I grew up with Don't Tell ingrained in me~~ I kinda figure almost everyone here on this forum grew up like that. It's one of the things we almost all seem to have in common~~ that intrinsic secrecy/privacy.
What I always hate when I divulge bits & pieces of Real Me is the look of shock people get, or sometimes horror, & worst of all... pity. Very few people get let in on my actual childhood/life story. I would think that feeling you have is due to you wanting to share that part of you & I think that's healthy because it's breaking the chains of silence & those chains are part & parcel of the whole problem we are all in here. So~~ share those things, share those pieces of you, but do it selectively. People you trust with it, people who actually matter in your life, at meetings as someone else suggested where it's going to be the norm, not the exception.
I think it's good that you're 'fed up with it'. That's healthy.
I grew up in a very small town where from the outside our home looked white picket fence normal~~ Mom & Dad, two children, nice yard, dogs, went to Sunday School & church, holidays, school functions, visits with grandparents, family reunions... the works. White Picket Fence.
Inside, it was nothing like that. NOTHING. I grew up with Don't Tell ingrained in me~~ I kinda figure almost everyone here on this forum grew up like that. It's one of the things we almost all seem to have in common~~ that intrinsic secrecy/privacy.
What I always hate when I divulge bits & pieces of Real Me is the look of shock people get, or sometimes horror, & worst of all... pity. Very few people get let in on my actual childhood/life story. I would think that feeling you have is due to you wanting to share that part of you & I think that's healthy because it's breaking the chains of silence & those chains are part & parcel of the whole problem we are all in here. So~~ share those things, share those pieces of you, but do it selectively. People you trust with it, people who actually matter in your life, at meetings as someone else suggested where it's going to be the norm, not the exception.
I think it's good that you're 'fed up with it'. That's healthy.
I also am somewhat fearful that a person will think I'm just making it up and that they won't believe me because everything looked "fine." I may not be a girl but the label of "drama queen" is daunting.
But thank you for saying that, I really needed that. You put it perfectly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Jason,
It takes a brave and big person to share these kinds of things. sometimes I have noted that people will be quiet when I share some of the ugly stuff, and think that they are feeling like " yuk- dont wanna hear this". But t hinking it over again, it could be that their quiet means they are thinking of their own situations sometimes, perhaps some crap that they are hiding themselves and dont have the courage and/or recovery to share. This kind of thing is much more common than i ever imagined.
you will know when the person is right to talk to, just trust your feelings about it. i know what you mean, it feels badly to throw your most personal vulnerable side out there for others to see. glad we have this place to go to.
hugs
chicory
It takes a brave and big person to share these kinds of things. sometimes I have noted that people will be quiet when I share some of the ugly stuff, and think that they are feeling like " yuk- dont wanna hear this". But t hinking it over again, it could be that their quiet means they are thinking of their own situations sometimes, perhaps some crap that they are hiding themselves and dont have the courage and/or recovery to share. This kind of thing is much more common than i ever imagined.
you will know when the person is right to talk to, just trust your feelings about it. i know what you mean, it feels badly to throw your most personal vulnerable side out there for others to see. glad we have this place to go to.
hugs
chicory
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
