malala

Hi all,

I am sober, but have a problem with other people partying. I become obsessed and angry at them. I moved from Brooklyn, where dealers on the corner would keep me up nights. I would listen for them and their customers, listen for the car doors opening when deals went down, think about calling the cops, the whole thing.

Now I live in a home near a deserted street, and a few guys go there to party. I know the sound of their motors, and obsess about whether they are there. This is a nice home, and overall the neighborhood is very nice. Why should I be worried about some guys who come to party sometimes? Whether or not they want to party is none of my business. Why should I even care?

Basically this obsession renders me dysfunctional until I am able to surrender and let it go. I carry my 24 hour chip when it gets bad, but I am looking for other suggestions for surrender. Is there a part of the steps I need to focus on to get over this?

Anyone been here before?

Thanks!

windysan

Just understand you don't want or need that kinda life anymore. I don't do steps but it seems to me that if you do the steps and this is bothering you then bring it up at a meeting and see what the old farts say.

malala

Good suggestion, windysan. Thanks.

stacylove

I hear you, I get so jealous of the people that get to party, because it looks like they are having such a good time. I just try to remember the bad times, hangovers, the embarrassment of the next day, the depressed feelings, the fights, the wasted money, the unhealthy consequences, and the far worse things too (jail, DUI's, death, etc).

This doesn't always help but as Bas Luhrmann said, "Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind, the race is long, but in the end it is only with yourself"

Good luck to you and eff all those partyers, we will have a sober party of our own

malala

Thank you stacylove.

SarahBear

I used to get really jealous to of other people's partying lifestyle until I've seen what it has done to people's lives, including mine. Not worth it in the long run. On the outside, it may look like everyone is having fun. On the inside a lot of those of those people are covering up feelings or reality with alcohol and/or drugs.

I rarely ever got a hangover from drinking booze. I had always drank water or juice in between so that might have something to do with it

DOTHEDAMNTHING

I too obsess about just about anything it seems like these days to the point that i make myself sick...but so u know that your not alone i was in atlantic city for a weekend get away this past wknd and it bothered me so much to see people drinking laughing and all that that i had to go up to the room and here is the kicker i wasnt. Even a drinker i was a pill user..so don,t think your alone because your not and from what i am told it is a normal part of the early stages of recovery and gets easier as time goes on...hope thst helps you but stay strong and keep fighting..

malala

Thanks everyone for your great replies. What's so crazy, is that my obsession is not jealousy, but total anger at them for doing this.

When I was newly sober, I was more of the jealous type, and would act out by teasing and messing with my friends heads if they were drunk or high. But this anger is more recent. It's just coming from some unresolved bump in my recovery. But I'll get there.

Thanks for your support! I'll repost if I get somewhere with this : )

malala

I sound so mean in this post about how I would tease my friends. I am not a mean person, really! And I would be there for them in a second if they needed me. It was just my twisted way of handling a difficult situation. Ugh.

billsaintjames

I find myself feeling the same way as you sometimes, but I have made a lot of progress.

I used to be really jealous because I would think about how happy all of those people were, while feeling sorry for myself lying in bed at home. The truth is, many of them were very happy -- at the party. I was often happy at parties as well, until partying just became an excuse to use, and then I was usually miserable.

My point is, what happens after the party? Think about that. Think about how the substance-abusing party-goers are dealing with their REAL lives. They are doing a lot worse than you are. MAYBE they were happier for a couple hours at a party, but that trade-off just isn't worth it in the end.

malala

Absolutely.

windysan

If your partying leads to puking, passing out, being dopesick.....then, well.........the party's over.