verobearo

My addict is thinking about moving into one after he comes out of rehab. I guess my question is does it really make a difference if he comes back home and follows the program or if he goes into an oxford house and follows the program. I also feel like the answers I have gotten from the counselors are if he comes home he will relapse. So what stops him from relapsing (after he has been at an oxford house for 6 months or a yr) once he comes back home?

Impurrfect

(((verobearo))) - there is always a chance of relapse, if we A's let our guard down.

I've heard good things about Oxford houses, and, being an RA myself, I do much better when I'm around people who "get me", and learning things from them.

There are rules, restrictions, responsibilities in these type places. I've never been to one, but I know that facing responsibility, dealing with consequences, has greatly enhanced my recovery.

Relapse is always a possibility, but it seems, to me, that he's doing what he thinks will help him the most. I would take this time to work on my OWN recovery....letting him follow his path, and learning how to worry, obsess, get through the fear of what's going to happen.

What happens with him, is going to happen. He would be surrounded by people who are very knowledgeable about addiction. My recovery has been helped, in HUGE part, because I have other RA's to talk to. My family loves me, but they just don't get it. I have to have relationships with other RA's to keep my recovery strong.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

suki44883

I think it makes all the difference in the world. You don't give someone one swimming lesson and then toss them into the ocean. It takes time and reinforcement of what you learn at rehab. If he has gone so far as to complete rehab, then why shouldn't he take the next logical step to practice what he has learned there in an environment conducive to living a sober life? He needs all the help he can get and the better foundation he has under him the better off he will be. I think it's great that he seems to understands that.

Ananda

OK..i'm gonna be honest.

My understanding when I went through treatment was that saying I would go to an oxford house would extend the amount of time in treatment they would cover.

For that reason...say sure....you don't have to actually make that decision if it doesn't make since later. It's not even lying in my opinion, it's being willing to consider it. Whole oxford houses have relapased together. They are not the answer. Other people have benifited greatly from them.

I found out last year that I could stay sober if I lived with my mom, but eventually I had to go home. I had to find a way to stay sober at home.

I'm not saying an oxford house wouldn't be helpful, but just that it is not THE answer. I believe you have to look reasonably at your budget and your local resources before making this decision. I feel a bit of a bad girl for saying this, but most of us need the full 30 day treatment to get on our feet. And the insurance companies put requirements on what they want to see to pay for it. Ultimately, lives are at stake. Do what you need to do to get coverage for a full 30 days of treatment.

I had been drinking for 8 years on a daily basis when I went to treatment in 2007. My insurance only covered more than 2 weeks because I was willing to interview at oxford houses. It was a crazy idea. The cost is huge when you already own a house and have a complete household to support in addition to the oxford house. The people in the oxford house doubted my being an addict because I hadn't used drugs other than alchohol in 15 years. If I went to the oxford house, I would have been there for sleep only. I would be comuting to work and going to meetings in my home town where I owned a home. It basically made no sense. Be willing to consider it, but I'm an AAer and the big book tells us that we can try to go to instiatuions (which an oxford house is) but it will not cure us.

If your husband or wife can come home to an environment that supports attendance to a program and support for sobriety, that is what matters.

sorry, I know oxford houses are helpful for certain people, but they are not THE answer. The answer is more about a commitment by the addict/alkie and his family to pursue a path of recovery. Insurance has taken over a the field of alchoholsim without an understanding of the dynamics envolved. For a 20 year old no-commitments made person, a halfway house can be a huge help. For those of us middle aged with careers, it can be senseless.

Just my opinion and expereince.

greeteachday

I found the benefit to me of a halfway house or 3/4 way or somewhere that was not my home, was that I, as the "anon" person was not relapsing and getting all involved in my loved ones early recovery. I personally found early recovery more stressful and unhealthy for me than when my loved one was using. I still was not secure enough in my own recovery to stop the snooping and asking ridiculously irritating questions like did you go to a meeting today, where are you going to a meeting tomorrow, have you chosen a sponsor...who are you hanging with, where are you going, why are you going? let me see your eyes, etc.

MY behavior was crazy making and personally, although I know we can't "make them use" I sure as heck could understand that I would be a darn good excuse for relapse. I made myself want to barf.

My personal opinion is that there is no guarantee no matter what, but if he has a plan for recovery, letting him follow through on his plan and have pride in knowing he accomplished this himself, or if it doesn't work out, to learn from his decision, sure sounds like a winner to me.

SamanthaY82

going into an oxford house is a great thing. one they aren't going back to the same environment they were in before rehab. oxford houses are like recovery houses that help you stay clean and learn to become independant. you get tested regularly, go to meetings regularly, and get to go back to work and become normal again

texasmagnum

I notice that when my son has been in rehab it's "easy" to a degree because you are immersed in it with no care in the world besides learning about it, talking about it, etc. and you have non-stop support from fellow addicts and counselors. Then you come home and there are many, many more things to deal with, the drive between home and work has bars and stops to see friends, the cell phone has the old numbers in it, the old friends call... in Oxford House, it's like an intermediary step to learn to live in the world without that stuff and more importantly, how to avoid it and avoid relapse. You also learn (for those who's lives were ALL out of kilter due to addiction) how to be responsible as all members need to pull their weight in chores, and be part of house decision making and running. I do think for someone serious about recovery it can be a great step, and if your addict is saying THEY think it's a good idea, I think that indicates they know themselves and feel it would be beneficial. Of course, some houses are better than others, and some people sure do relapse there, but it's got a lot going for it.
Just my 2 cents...