CuarentaYTres

Hi all, new to SR, been using hard drugs for too long, most recently: quit shooting dope for 17 months (methadone maintenance) but started snorting coke recently......Today though, is a few days without coke and I'm feeling great! the first few days weren't terrible, but I would have rather been in bed! I seem to repeat this pattern: stay away 6, 7, 8 days then decide it's "safe" to go to the local bar and have a few drinks (knowing full well that the dealer is always there), which always ends up in me buying something "just for tonight" and tonight ends up being a minimum of a 3 day run.......feeling and looking like crap, 2-3 hours of sleep, drinking too much an having to work the next day. So today I went straight home, but am here alone. I'll be cool tonight, but when Thursday or Friday rolls around, I know I'll be "itchin'" to go to the bar for " a drink or 2" and the cycle repeats.............and repeats and before you realize it, YEARS have passed by. I can handle the physical "detox" from coke, but it's the mental thing. Am I fooling myself by hoping I can become one of those guys that can go out on a Friday, drink, do a few lines and Saturday it's business as usual? Why doesn't that work for me? It's not fair!!! I need some help but am not sure how or where!

tsmba

Welcome! The reason it will never work is because (by your own admission), you are an addict. As addicts, we don't have the luxury of stopping one drug, yet using another. Even if we "haven't had a problem" with that drug, we will abuse it until we do. Its great that you addressed your opiate addiction via methadone, but it sounds as though all you do is take the medication.....if you want recovery, you have to utilize your time on maintenance to change your life....which means counseling, support groups, everything you can reach out for.

Recovery never comes via osmosis, reading about it, or other passive activities, you have to do things, many of which you likely won't want to try at first. Using coke, drinking, smoking weed, etc. while on methadone will quickly negate any gains you may have made, add new problems, and eventually lead to the only three outcomes of the disease: jails, institutions, or death. Your best bet is to tell the folks at your clinic that you are having problems and get help!

Dee74

My main drug was alcohol....I spent years being a weekend warrior...then I started to drink and do stuff around mid week too...

I spent years on the feeling good...getting drunk until I felt bad...lay off a few days...feeling good...getting drunk cycle.

I ended up just drinking as near to 24/7 as I could manage.

I wanted desperately to be like everyone else. But I'm just not.
I'm an addict. Alcohol and drugs became my life.

It was hard work, and it 's not always been easy but I've never regretted staying sober and clean & getting my life back.

I'm much much closer now to being the man I want to be. I can look myself in the eye in the mirror now.

For the first time in my adult life, I'm happy and I feel comfortable being that way.

Losing alcohol and drugs from my life seems a very small price to pay for all of that, ya know?
D

SpaceDementia

I understand how you're feeling. I am on day 8 of no shooting dope. The majority of the withdrawal symptoms are over which is a blessing. Today the thought occurred to me about how wonderful it'd be to have a hit. My tolerance is back to zip so I know that a $20 bag would get me good and buttered. Thankfully I chose not to go down that road or put myself in any situation where I'd be tempted. Now I'm going to recommend something that I have never recommended and that I figured I would never recommend. I suggest instead of going to the bar this Friday, go to either an NA or AA meeting. I have been going to a meeting everyday for the past 8 days as I've been getting clean. Prior to the meeting that I went to 8 days ago you would have had to tell me that 5 grams of dope would've been waiting for me at one because there was no way in hell I was going to set foot in an NA meeting. I have yet to fully embrace the ideology but, I have found myself feeling better every time I leave a meeting. So, when you get that itch and want to go to the bar and surround yourself with people drinking and drugging, try going to a meeting and surrounding yourself with people that DON'T want to be drinking and drugging. I wish you luck.

karma35

i'm 30 days outta smoking heroin for a looonnnngggg time - its all gonna keep gettin better if you avoid all the triggers -which you've already listed - its like gettin another job - it takes work - keep reaching out and keep going hun xx
Karma

dratsab

Is rehab an option for you? It was the best thing I ever did... It made getting sober and working on my recovery sooooo much easier t manage. I think it sucks trying to recover from addiction alone. If rehab isn't an option... I really think it's extremely important to find help through one ofthe 12 step programs or through something like Smart Recovery meetings. Bascally... I think its important to find and use a support group.

Until then, id suggest you think about the relapse process and figure out what your triggers are. The pattern you seem to keep finding yourself repeating really fits the relapse sequence that thy talked about over and over again in rehab. 1. The setup situation (you go to a bar) 2. Trigger (seeing your dealer) 3. Having a craving to use. 4. Thought that using will improve a situation (you will be able to satisfy you craving and have more fun) 5. Permission giving rationalization - an excuse as to why using is OK (It'll just be this one last time. I just won't do that much. There's nothing really wrong with doing drugs) 6. Initial use 7. Out of control use.

Onewithwings

I also recommend NA (or AA). I thought I could find an easier, softer way, but it wasn't until I got in touch with a power greater than myself, and began taking step work seriously, that I was able to stay clean. I am 70 days clean now, and have felt more serenity this time than ever before. I don't even want to use. Your mileage may vary, but NA has worked for a great many addicts, no reason it can't work for you, too!