FarawayFromCars

I'm shy / reserved in general. I also have an anxiety disorder that I take meds for. But some days I find it such a struggle to "come out of my shell" and be outgoing. Case in point, yesterday I was getting my hair cut by a gal who's not my regular hairstylist. I was pretty silent through the whole haircut. I attempted to make conversation, but the stylist was quiet, too. She didn't really ask me anything, other than how I wanted my hair done. At the end of the cut, she goes, "so are you NORMALLY this quiet when you get your hair cut?" I think she meant it to be lighthearted and funny, but it came out as sort of accusatory and weird. WTF? It sort of threw me for a loop. I found myself trying to justify why it's okay that I'm a quiet person, and I left the salon feeling bad about myself. Why is it that being quiet in our society is so frowned upon?

JustAYak

I think it's just societies general view that humans need connection and everyone should be up and outgoing all the time, when really that isn't the case at all. If you're not outgoing, they think that you're just unhappy, and that is frowned upon. I feel ya. I'm the same way. I'm a little better in group settings but even then I'm shy/reserved/quiet. People always ask, "What's wrong?" I say nothing and move on my merry way. If they don't want to believe me, that's their choice but I don't have to justify myself to them.

tomw

Should have asked her whats wrong.... If anything she should be carrying the conversation. You're the client. She should try and make you comfortable so you..... or anyone for that matter returns building up her client base.

pennywistle

Wow...I'm glad I found this post. Very interesting topic.
The last couple of times I got my hair done it seemed the hair stylist was more shy than I was, and the conversation she was making seemed very forced.
It was my first time at both the salons I went to, so it may be the 'new client' thing.
I think with anyone in public, it requires a certain amount of chemistry and personality to really 'click'.
I can't imagine how it must be to *have* to be in such close proximity and have to have a happy experience with a complete stranger all the time.
I wouldn't take this experience personally, but that was very out of line of her. If it makes you feel any better, I talked with a clerk from a crafts store on the phone who was extremely catty with me and I could tell she was a very insecure person and brings alot of her personal issues to work with her (and probably wishing she were the one at home making the crafts, not the other way around).
You just have to have empathy for those people when encountering those situations and understand that most everyone has major issues behind that smile.

jamdls

The hairstylist was rude in my opinion. I used to get comments like that a lot and I'd make excuses like "having a bad day", then I finally got tired of making excuses for why I'm quiet, that's just the way I am and I love me and if anyone else has a problem with it then that's their problem! I think most people talk too much and as I've gotten older I will often ask people to quit talking so much, they may be offended and certainly surprised but I'm a believer in "silence is golden". Don't let others make you feel bad about yourself, the stylist probably felt "rejected" because you didn't talk and she was just trying to reverse the feeling.

Lolajames

Hey FarAway,
I'm an incredibly shy person, to the point that I offend people (they think I'm rude or arrogant). Not sure what I can say to support you, but I do understand what you are saying and also wonder why more people don't understand shyness It's awkward.

FarawayFromCars

Wow--Thanks everyone for your great responses. You made me feel a lot better. I've come a long way with my shyness and accepting me for who I am, but I still have slips into that "I have to be more outgoing" or "I have to justify myself" to others, like with the hairstylist the other day. I'm glad I can go back to my regular gal next time, with whom I have a good rapport.