zo0378

I had my home detox in December 2014. In 2015 i was what i thought in recovery. However the result was a massive relapse in April 2015 for 2 months followed by several small relapses there after. I have now been 43 days Sober and feel like the penny has dropped that actually in admitting i was an alcoholic so became my acceptance that relapse was allowed when times got tough emotionally because i had a label to blame it on..and at least i was Sober for 7 months of 2015. I now realise i wasn't in recovery really, i was living to relapse. I have also realised finally the impact my relapses have had on those that have been with me through thick and thin. For example some friends took me out for Sunday Lunch today and it was noisy so didnt hear my phone. A few hrs later my phone rings and its my sister checking im ok because i hadnt replied 2 hrs earlier when she text me. Just as i was about to launch into the me me me mode wondering why i cant be left alone just because I dont answer straight away, i actually felt guilty that she was thinking i may have relapsed again. That all the time ive been in a mess whilst drinking, i have been selfish enough to put those that love me through worry and anxiety. Can i/ should i even forgive myself for this. How could i have been so thoughtless.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR! And thanks for sharing, it's great to hear that you've found some clarity and acceptance with your addiction finally. It took a long time for me and many others here to get there. You will find a lot of support and understanding here on SR, hope you can stick around.

Regarding your last question, I believe it is imperative to forgive ourselves and move forward in order to live a better, sober life. You cannot change what you've done, but you can change how you live today.

zo0378

Thank you for your welcome. I guess i am struggling to promise Sobriety to anyone as the words after i relapsed last year have always involved promising other people never again but failing. All i feel i can do this year is take it day by day and be honest if relapse occurs.

least

Get support to ensure that relapse does not occur. I saw an addiction counselor for the first few years, as well as daily visits to SR.

Welcome to the family. I hope the support you find here, and in real life, can help you get sober for good.

zo0378

Thank you least. I have to say i want to be motivated and there is so many things i want to do now Sober but at the minute im so so tired, all the time. I can sleep for hours to the point i feel worried about it, and then guilty for not doing more productive stuff with my time. Am seeing a counsellor once a fortnight which helps. Just wish i had more energy. Been checked for Anemia but was cleared as normal. Try to eat well, drink loads of water. I just assumed not drinking i would have more energy than i do.

least

You need time for your body and brain to heal from drinking. It takes a while. Be patient and be good to yourself. It will get better.

zo0378

Thank you ☺

Steely

I was really tired (still am a bit) in the first few weeks, I'm 49 days today and slowly starting to do a few things productive. It's pretty mundane stuff but feel a sense of accomplishment that I did not feel when drinking. It's me steering the ship, not the grog.

Thumpalumpacus

It's great that you come to your admission. We all know that it isn't permission to relapse, but rather, the first step in true healing. Good job.

As for forgiving oneself, I've been struggling with this question, and although I might sound dumb writing this, I'm not sure I know what that means, much less how to go about it.

Fly N Buy

I learned and today agree that staying sober daily are living amends to myself and others. That's what I bring to the table today. Others can bring what they want - I'm bringing daily sobriety as my commitment to a sorid past.

Steely

.......it feels good too.

Sasha4

I found I had to replace the sugar that I got from alcohol in the early days.

At about 3pm and 6pm I felt like I could crawl to bed.
I was so tired.

I learnt that having a sweet drink or snack - fresh orange juice, hot chocolate, doughnut - got me through until it was bed time.

But I did find that I slept lots and lots too.
I put that down to not sleeping naturally for years and years as I used to knock myself out with drink every night.

You will get there.
Be gentle with yourself.

I wish you the best xx

Dee74

I think you have to forgive yourself zo...you can't change the past but today;s really important.

It may take a while but you can get your reputation back by staying sober and always doing the next right thing.

D

fini

zoO,
welcome.
and how great you're getting a more realistic view of where you've been and how you got here. even though it's painful to see and know about yourself, it's the only way, ultimately, to really move forward, so to speak. blinders off.

All i feel i can do this year is take it day by day and be honest if relapse occurs.

oh nonono, you can do so much more!
you can plan for relapse not to occur. you can start doing this by reading lots here, see what some long-term sober people have done and follow in one of those paths.
"make a plan", and then follow it, as some would put it.

zo0378

Thank you all for your positive replies. I'm glad I posted now. Had lurked in the background for a bit but never got around to posting...i probably thought about it but then fell asleep 😉

Your right, its time to get planning on ways to get through early Sobriety with a focus on some positive things.