CountryChick

Hey everyone, I've not posted on here since 2014. I've struggled with alcohol for years. I'm on the verge of losing everything & everyone I love. It's happening more & more lately. I keep taking it a little farther each time. For the 1st time ever I woke up to blue lights surrounding my truck. (And I have never been in trouble with the law before)Evidently I had pulled over on the side of the road & passed out. I didn't have a clue & I still don't remember a whole lot. Luckily I knew the cop & the firefighter drove me home. I can't believe that I'm doing all of the things I said I'd never do & I always say I'm not like those drunks.... But its exactly what I'm turning into. I hate this road I'm on!! I'm currently seeing a counselor every 2 weeks & I started some depression meds. But even after everything I pick up the drink. I have a 15 year old boy & a fiancé that have always stood by me & are waiting for me to finally give it up. I hate the control that this has over me. I feel like I've always been a strong woman but this is beating me up & I feel powerless.... And yes I know that is step 1 but I can't seem to get past that. Any tips would be appreciated.

ru12

Hi. I know where you are and it is a dismal place. Look, things will just keep getting worse until you stop drinking. It is simple: never drink alcohol again. And if you don't these problems will stop happening.

I think that after you stop poisoning yourself with alcohol you may want to read and post here daily. You might want to try AA or SMART or Rational Recovery or read Allen Carr's book on stopping. But what you must do is simply stop drinking.

tim68

You have to stop and take an honest look at where your headed . It only gets worse. You know that right? We can't drink on occasion like everyone else. Bad things happen. Ive proved that over and over. You almost got in big trouble and here is your big chance to get and stay clean. I'm not preaching. I'm living this too. Nothing good comes from it. Its a downward spiral. Stop it while you can. Your not alone. I fight it too.

Bunny211

I can only give you advice based on what worked for me. I am a proponent of AA. I work a Big Book Step Study program and it has changed my life. My suggestions are to:

1) Go to an AA meeting
2) Get a Big Book
3) Get a sponsor
4) Get on your knees in the morning and ask God to be with you and give you strength and help you stay sober

Best of luck to you in whatever road to recovery you choose. I share what worked with me but others have had success with other methods.

Life will get better if you stay sober.

Fly N Buy

Powerless and unmanageable, yes I know those. If I know lack of power is my dilemma than what's the solution?

A power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity - soundness of mind and relieve me of the obsession to drink. The obsession is the thing that keeps me from being comfortable sober - I had never been both.

As suggested, if your plan is to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous then go to a meeting, get a sponsor and get to doing step work. Or not. That is your decision and there are many paths or combinations. I found AA helped me stay sober long enough to get foothold on quitting drinking.

You can do it! It starts with making that decision.......

least

I hope you can find the support you need, both here and in real life, to get sober for good before something awful happens to you.

CountryChick

Thank you for responding. I know I have to stop & I absolutely love this sirlte its so helpful.

CountryChick

Thank you. I have a big book & have been to meeting sin the past but the never helped. I do have a God & I believe in Jesus. It just seems so hard to pray when I feel so bad for things I've done....

CountryChick

Thanks for responding. I really know deep down that I have to stop drinking or I will never stop this merry go round. I love this site. It helps me more than anything.

ScottFromWI

Coming back here and surrounding yourself with as much support as possibly was a good move njdellis, welcome back.

Use meetings, your faith and whatever else you can find to accept that drinking simply is not an option anymore. And please remember that you have a choice....it doesn't have to be this way if you don't choose to pick up that first drink.

CountryChick

[QUOTE=tim68;5779098]You have to stop and take an honest look at where your headed . It only gets worse. You know that right? We can't drink on occasion like everyone else. Bad things happen. Ive proved that over and over. You almost got in big trouble and here is your big chance to get and stay clean. I'm not preaching. I'm living this too. Nothing good comes from it. Its a downward spiral. Stop it while you can. Your not alone. I fight it too.[/QUOTE
Thank you! I know I can't drink like everyone else. I do see myself getting lower & lower that's why I'm so scared & that's why I posted. Its actually nice when someone can relate even if its something bad to relate with...

Bunny211

I hear you. I go to a meeting where we use the big book in conjunction with the Bible. I said pretty much what you just wrote and the guy who runs the meeting said "God forgives you...why can't you forgive yourself? Who are you to play God?" Made sense to me.

Also - Big Book Step Study was not even recognized by AA until a few years ago. It's not at all like open AA. It's really just a study of the steps. It originated in Hyannis, MA and is sometimes referred to as the Hyannis Method. I went to open AA for years and I never "got" it. It never helped me. Here's some more info about BBSS/Hyannis Method:

Newcomers, How do you read your Big Book? - Big Book Sponsorship

Best of luck to you.

CountryChick

Thank you I hope so too!

Dee74

Welcome Njdellis

AA sounds like a plan to me - you'll find a lot of support here too

D

Soberwolf

Welcome bk Njdellis to a fantastic supportive community its really nice to meet you

OCDDan

njdellis, you have to stop thinking like this, really because it gets worse very quickly, I'm at the place that happens shortly after where you are if you don't get serious and stop drinking. At very least, don't drink and drive. Until you accept that you cannot ever drink again, the AV will pester and haunt you, that is my experience, do yourself a huge favor and stop, life is so much better sober, you'll see

tomsteve

having a big book and going to meetings dont treat alcoholism.
its the actions that the big book suggest we take that help us recover.

if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths....
then your are ready to take certain steps.

tomsteve

thats where the program comes into action.
we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
the program will also help you forgive yourself
just as God has.

SoberinSyracuse

However, if you get into AA and find it isn't for you, don't give up on sobriety. Lots and lots of us get sober without AA, using different sources for support, insight, and structure.

It just looks like you've been struggling this for a few years at least so it's definitely time to try a new approach and really give it 100%. Half-efforts don't get the job done.

Good luck and keep posting!

Obladi

Hey,

Good for you for coming back to try again. I've been in and out too, so I can relate.

I also was in therapy and that was helpful for some things, but not for addiction (as he does not specialize in this problem).

There are any number of ways to stop drinking. I know this because I know this but also because my mom walked me through them when I called to let her in on my problem. First off, my mom was way cool. It was really helpful to unload that secret on her. Secondly, she has a lot of experience with alcohol addiction as ALL of her family went through it. So she went through the list - inpatient treatment, cold turkey (not recommended here, but you could some correlation to AVRT), Intensive Outpatient, AA, addiction counseling, spiritual guidance.

For the moment, I'd advise you to set aside the guilt and other bad things you are feeling. That's just a trap your addiction uses to trick you into continuing with the drink. First things first: make a plan to stop and stay stopped. Then see what follows.

I'm 24 days in so no expert, but I can tell you that a month ago three weeks (even one week) would have seemed an impossible mountain to climb. And the antidepressant medication combined with the non-drinking really seems to have helped to stabilize my mood.

Stick around. This could be your time! You get to be the one who decides that.