kinzoku

For the last four months I've been trying to live out the fantasy of myself as a casual drinker, just as I suspected I would upon moving to a new place.

Have I done anything terribly embarassing? No. Have I made a fool out of myself? No.

But my ambitions, my goals, have been pushed aside again and again to drink. Day after day, week after week, I get home from work and just drink myself to sleep.

Most of the time I stave off the hangover. SOmetimes I don't and I'm filled with remorse all day.

So I get home after a bad day of a hangover and fitfull sleep and I think, well, today I'll have a few beers to get the ole motor running, sleep well, and be fit to study and work even harder tomorrow.

But then tomorrow is the same. And then four months have gone by.

So I guess I've failed. I don't feel that pit in my stomach that I have, that bottom rising up. But I acknowledge that once more I'm in the clutches of my demons.

I just wanted to write it.

I don't have the confidence I need to stop. Or maybe I do. I will try to be sober today. I tried yesterday and drank six beers instead.

Elizabeth333

Hi - you came here, so it appears you want to stop. YOU can do this! One moment at a time. You don't need to ride the elevator down anymore.

thomas11

You haven't failed, you are struggling, and its happened to most of us. There are many people here who can help you. You are likely to get responses about creating a plan and I believe there are some great links on this site to help you create one. Take it a day at a time. Wishing you the best.

Soberwolf

It all starts with a day 1 focus on why your stopping bud

Make use of the available support that is here

advbike

It's really hard to quit when you perceive the consequences to be minimal. However this is the time that it would actually be easiest for you to quit.

Can I ask why you have so much alcohol in the house? If you don't want to drink six beers don't buy a six pack. No one with a drinking problem can moderate that way. Just buy 3. Seriously. Many liquor stores will sell less than a six pack. That's how I moderated for years and it works. Of course your life will still go by while you're doing that. Ask me how I know, lol.

FeelingGreat

Kinzoku most of us have been through the bargaining stage. I won't give up drinking, I'll just stick to a few. So you now realise this won't work, and you're trying to absorb the idea that you can't drink at all.

I got around the fear factor by giving myself a year as a goal. It wasn't too scary, and it's common enough for others to understand and think they should do it too.

I suggest you do some research on the long-term effects of alcohol (look up stages of alcoholism), and also check this site for tips to deal with cravings. If you can get through the first few weeks when cravings are strongest, you'll be well on your way.

Sobriety is so relaxing for people like us because we stop all that internal struggle about should we drink, and self-reproach when we do . The mornings are awesome.

Dee74

Welcome back Kinzoku

All you need is a sincere desire for change - the rest follows naturally
D

mpr

Remember bad consequences from drinking are only 1 beer/drink away, don't let it get to that point before you consider stopping.

I've quit for many years, tried the moderating thing after and its still work plus not really any benefit. Being sober on the other hand has a plethora of benefits.

kinzoku

Thanks everyone. Wow. Staring this night in the face is crazy. I've had a few days without drinks in the past few months, but probably much less than I'd like to think. Now is the time when I usually say, hey look, get a beer to calm you down and sleep...it wont hurt any. And sometimes thats only 2 beers, sometimes its 6, sometimes its a bottle of liquor on top. Tonight I'll sweat it out. The crazy thing is my hypochondriac goes nuts when I dont drink. I keep finding all sorts of **** that I think are going to kill me. Any excuse to be in pain and to drink to numb that pain. Anyhow. I....****. **** ok I'm going to just not leave my house no matter what.

Hope2014

You can do this! Just focus on today and don't drink today- no matter what. During your usual drinking hour, go for a walk instead. Or go to the market, buy healthy food and cook yourself a good meal. Hydrate with lots of water and take vitamins. Try that every day. Start a journal and write down your feelings. ( it will be great to reread in the future when you have some sober days under your belt).You absolutely CAN do this. But only YOU can make it happen.
Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right!

Soberwolf

were here bud