4llison

I'm terrified of AA. I live in a small town, so I know, but am not friends with any serious members. A lot I know from jail, or court-ordered meetings. I feel like they're all, "Oh God, look who's here again!" In the sense that my efforts are futile, or not in earnest. Also, it being in a small town, the people I know that are court ordered often times honestly want to hang out and party after! The members that are serious about there recovery have kind of come on too strong before and left me with an almost cult like impression! That's probably bad to say. This is all outside of the fact that my social anxiety is through the roof right now! That's one of the major reasons I drank was easing it.

Gottalife

I'd probably suggest trying some alternative to AA, and see how it goes.

I know AA was the last place I wanted to be, partly because that program of theirs looked painful and seemed to require more honesty and willingness than I was able to give it.

It's strange but I did not seem able to grasp how serious my situation was. I was dying of a terminal progressive illness, getting worse all the time, and yet I was strangely picky about what I was willing to do to arrest it.

A few years back my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, no hope of recovery but through suggested treatments we were told, we could extend her time with us. Some of the treatment was awful, worse than the disease, but we didn't hesitate. We did exactly as we were told, turned up at every appointment, and we got another two years together. It never occured to us to try and pick and chose what we might or might not do.

I suppose the reason we did that was that we absolutely understood the nature of the illness. When I got around to AA, I was in the same position. I finally understood how serious it was, and I was willing to go to any lengths to overcome drinking.

In that frame of mind, the "full on" people who knew what to do and were willing to help me do it, were an absolute Godsend. And with their help, my illness has been arrested, and it has stayed that way for many years.

GreenColor

The idea of a court ordering a person to attend AA meetings is ridiculous. I would not want to sit near that person or interact with them in any way. They are clearly not interested in recovery.

4llison

In my attempts to circumvent actually going, Ive spent the majority of my nearly three days sober, reading books I rented from the library, reading recovery stories, and then tonight joining this forum.
I did see that there were video meetings available online but have yet to check them out.

Your point really did strike home, though! Maybe a little bit more sober time will change my mind! Thanks for responding, and helping me see it a bit differently!

FeenixxRising

Would it be possible to attend meetings in another town nearby? Even if it's a bit of a drive, it may be worthwhile to attend meetings where no one knows you.

4llison

Exactly! They should have specific meetings just for them! On the other hand, perhaps they'll have some sort of epiphany listening to those who have been successful in recovery. I'm torn.

4llison

DUI's. Haven't had a license since '05. I literally have zero clean friends. The drug epidemic has gotten especially bad since Heroin arrived.

I wish, though!

DoubleBarrel

I've heard from a number of long term aa members that they were initially introduced to aa by being court ordered to do so.

They have said that it planted a seed, and when they were ready for recovery, they knew where they could go and be welcomed back. It also introduced them to the notion that they were alcoholic, and that there were many others who shared their predicament.

As far as seeing other people there, they are all trying to get sober, and it's funny that we never thought about who might see us in a bar, yet we get well and worry about who might see us in a meeting.

4llison

I believe you. I think it's wonderful for those who have! I've been court ordered to go off-and-on since I was 14. I'm 32. Did it have it's positives? Absolutely. Has it made me think? Of course.
I'm happy that people do go and have some profound experience being court-ordered. It just didn't happen with me. Or anyone I know of.

As far as drinking at the bar and not caring? Gave that up a long time ago. I don't want those people to see what I've done to myself either! Drinking at home with my ex, or once he left me for said drinking, I mostly drank alone. Unkempt, in pajamas, not even realizing what day it was, more or less had I bathed. So, yeah I became a drunken hermit because I did care what they thought. Not having to put any effort into anything BUT drinking was easy. Which I guess what most of the responses I've received are getting at: It's going to be hard.

What you've said is very valid.

Perhaps when the social anxiety eases a little...
Still am kind of weirded out about the cult-like feel, though.

Taking5

I think you need to re-examine the characteristics of a cult versus AA. A cult, amongst other things, often does the following:

* The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).

* The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members. If you try to leave the group, they pursue you relentlessly to get back in the group.

‪* The group is preoccupied with making money and in many cases, confiscates your money and you are not allowed access to it.

‪* Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.

‪* Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members even to the point of living on a commune.

Please explain how this, or anything you witnessed, resembles a cult.

4llison

You forgot charismatic leader!
I'm fully aware of what cults ARE.

Being cult-like =/= actual cult.

It's honestly hard to explain, but I definitely got a bit of that vibe. It probably has everything to do with the small-size, and politics of my small towns users, and those in recovery.

In fact, in rehab years ago, in a bigger town, I didn't get that impression and even drove the hour, not court ordered, to go to meetings.

I'm not saying AA is a bad thing, and knew I probably shouldn't have mentioned it here. However, I am just trying to be honest about my apprehension.

Grungehead

Don't feel bad for mentioning it here, that's what we do here. This is a place where you can feel comfortable talking about your apprehensions and asking questions about recovery. My experience is that my success in getting and staying sober is all about the willingness to go to any length to stay sober. I believe that willingness is required regardless of the method of recovery one chooses to apply to their life.

When I got sober this time (this ain't my first rodeo) I was given the gift of desperation which instilled the willingness needed to go to any length for sobriety. I had gone to AA in the past and I was fine with going to meetings but had no intention of working the steps. This time I was willing to try them -- turns out that the steps were the missing link for me. My only advice would be to keep an open mind and totally commit to whatever recovery method you decide will work best for you. This time around I committed to staying sober as if my life depended on it -- because in reality it did.

tomsteve

I have attended hundreds of meetings in many small towns in northern Michigan and have yet to be pursued, have my money taken, ordered to do anything I dotn want to do, told how im goin to think, or what meetings I will atend. ive been free to leave at any time.

AA is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience,strength, and hope with each other. it is a fellowship named after a book titled 'alcoholics anonymous", a book that show precisely how we have recovered. at meetings we share how we used the information in that book to recover.
I think I could use examples of how you feel AA is cult like to get a better understanding of it. ive read this statement many times on here and still have no clue what people mean by that.

have you read the big book? if not, its available to read online. it might be wise to read it and see if the progam is something you are interested in helping you.

Soberwolf

Good luck in getting sober Allison there is a secular section in the forum you might to check out

If you are reserved about going aa then that's up to you I don't go aa now Allison but in the beginning it was vital in helping me realise what I have to do to remain sober and without it all I would have is will power

Aa gave me something I'll never ever forget they gave me... Me


If that makes sense

I would go to a further out 1 and just give it a try if your looking to understand this a bit better

4llison

I don't expect you to understand. They came on too strong and actually did pursue me to the point I was uncomfortable. They made me feel bad if I relapsed, or missed any meetings.

Yeah, some were just being welcoming. Some of them creeped me out and made me feel like they thought I was collectively dating the group.

I have read the little big book that they have in jail. I enjoyed reading it. I related to a lot of their stories. As I relate to the stories in the book I'm currently reading, "A Women Like You." They give me hope.
I thought about reading the modernized version they have at my local
library. Will check it out when I'm in there next week.

I'm not saying AA is bad. Clearly it has helped many, many people. I planned on watching meetings online and when I'm ready, I will try it again.

4llison

Absolutely! Thank you for your kind words. Your last sentence beautifully sums it up!

Mountainmanbob

most of them are very respectable

I sectary a Friday AA meeting
yes - I usually sign around 3 to 6 court slips each meeting
in the many years that I have been attending this meeting
I have never seen a court slipper act up

I have been sober almost 7 years this time around
when I sobered up -- guess what -- I was on a court slip for 2 years

some after care group members also have slips to have signed
this would be proof that ones are attending their help groups
I also sign a couple of these each week
they may look like a standard court slip - but - are not

I have seen men volunteering and making up their own papers
to have the meetings sign
one told me that he wanted proof for his wife
that he was doing something about his drinking problem

I see nothing wrong with that

A Happy Queen
makes for
A Happy King

MM

tomsteve

nope, understand completely. yup, there are some that will act that way. some hammer importance of meetings. my sponsor used to do it to me. then one day I said,'i don't see where goin to meetings and not drinkin helps a person get sober or stay sober. in fact, what I read int he big book is that we don't make this a sole vocation and we are to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us, people not just in AA. it also says we have a life outside of AA, one which we have to work on. if ya want to spend yer time in meetings, go for it. but I have a life outside of the meetings and there are a lot of people in this world outside of AA I can help,too."
he doesn't ask me about meetings any more.


people don't come into AA very mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually healthy. I find it pretty cool now to see the dynamics that make up the fellowship. thre are people from all walks of life at different phases/stages of recovery. and,yup, there are some very sick people in( or around) AA.
when I got into AA I worked at listening to people that had what I wanted. I don't know how to exlplain it, but they had a sense about em. and remember that there are sme sick people in/around AA.

I wish you the best,4llisson. there are other recovery methods to look into that seem to work good for other people on here,too.

Mountainmanbob

that is the truth
and may we just think for a moment
say I only have a few days sober
I still may be of some help for the one that still suffers

at times it makes one very grateful
for my Sponsor points out to me every so often
when we run across one with grave drinking, drug or mental problems in AA
"by the grace of God there go I"

maybe we could have ended up like that ?
if we return to the drink possibly we will ?
can we be of help for the one who still suffers ?
is this not what helps us to stay sober ?

MM

2muchpain

Your right most of the time, but not always. I have met a few people who were court-ordered to attend AA meetings, and did take it seriously and got sober. Some did go out and drink again, but the seed was planted, and they eventually returned to AA.