angelwithoutgod

I suck at social situations. Last night was horrible. I had to hang out with a bunch of my boyfriends friends. I was basically just quiet and weird the whole time. I was tired from work and didn't want to be there. They were all drinking. I didn't drink anything. Then we had to play a word game which was a nightmare because I hate talking in front of people. They basically singled me out before the game started that my scores weren't going to count because I guess they think I am stupid because I'm a girl and I don't talk much. I still played but I had a headache the whole time. It probably would have been fun if I was drunk though. Now I just feel like everyone thinks I'm a bitch. It sucks being singled out as an idiot too.

biminiblue

Well, if you're going to hang with a bunch of guys at a bar who are drinking, expect some odd behavior.

Guys don't socialize the way girls do. They are full of bravado and light hearted and they tend to tease each other in a way that girls don't. I'm sure they felt weird that you were the only girl, too. Brush it off, I'm sure it was nothing personal.

zjw

yeah it was at times like that that i'd just reach for some beer. I also have lots of troubles in social situations. For a very long time I felt there was something wrong with me becuase of this. Over time I realized its just how i am. I can put myself in those situations I can try but thats the best i can do and I refuse to beat myself up over the fact that i'm not some social butterfly. I'm just not wired that way its just not who i am. I had to accept that fact rather then reach for beer or something to take that edge off so I could seemingly come out of my shell and be that social person that i'm not. Generally the booze didnt get me otu of my shell in a good or healthy way anyhow.

I"m rather happy to be the quiet guy in the corner I like it there people tend to hate that about me but i'm happy there. I just needed to learn how to accept it for what it is.

Let them think what they want to think just make sure your comfortable in your own skin is all thats the most important thing here.

You dont need to try and be something your not to gain anyones acceptance. they can accept you as is or not. If they have some sort of issue with you its there issue not yours dont pile it into your bucket of problems its not yours to deal with.

jdooner

I had a lot of excuses as to why I drank. Things got better for me when I realized the reason I drank was because I am an alcoholic and used substances and behaviors to cope with things in my life.

Congrats for not drinking. Its tough. I had to change all the habits in my life, which included many acquaintances, not hanging at bars...be gentle in the early days, months...its hard!

Nonsensical

Problem: Social situations you don't enjoy.

Possible solutions:
1. Drink alcohol
2. ___________

Looks like if you want to live a sober life you have some work to do.

ScottFromWI

I'd suggest finding some other social situations to hang out in if you are truly trying to quit drinking. Drinking to "fit in" is really just another excuse to drink, you could certainly hang out with people who aren't drinking instead.

Che

In that situation, just go home, or if it's happening at home, go out for walk for a bit. If you're not having fun you don't have to be there, and if you go on a walk at least you can clear your head a bit and get into a positive attitude for when you come back.

I can relate, but I don't think it has much to do with drinking or to do with being that bad at socializing. If you don't share interests with the people you're talking to it's difficult to have a fun conversation.

GracieLou

This is not why you drink but this is why you stopped…

I quit because I was tired of feeling like crap all the time

I used to get drunk and crawl around on the floor crying and puking

I don't feel like I've accomplished hardly anything with my life and I partly blame alcohol

This is why you want to stay sober….

On the positive side, I feel lighter and stronger physically

I am doing better at work - I am more organized and have more focus

Well its been 2 months now that I've been sober! The past few weeks have been great

I have been so happy and carefree

This was your advice to someone else...

Things will get hard at times but you can't turn to the alcohol, you just have to ride it out...cry, run in circles, just do anything but drink

These are all you. It is a rollercoaster at first. Ride it out and try not to hang on to the emotions. Let them fall away.

Keep on, keeping on! It gets better!

Patriciae

When I was first sober, I took all the suggestions from those AA members who were sober, happy and free. Now, one of the suggestions that they gave me and I took it serious, was to never to put myself in situations that would set me up for that first drink. And I haven't found it necessary to take one drink of alcohol or any mind altering substance since my first AA meeting.

So I am going to suggest that you never put yourself in situations that will set you up for that first drink. And being in a barroom with men who are drinking and who apparently think little of you and your sobriety.....is setting yourself up for that first drink.

angelwithoutgod

zjw, thanks. You're comment resonated with me the most. I need to stop beating myself up for being a shy introverted person. I guess its just the way I am. I've always been this way. I'm almost 30 so I don't think I will be changing anytime soon. I am nice to people and if they don't like me the way I am, they can go to hell. I'm don't have to drink to change myself for other people's entertainment! I will try to accept myself and just be who I am and try not to think about what other people's opinions are. Thanks

angelwithoutgod

Aww, thank you GracieLou! I did say those things! I will keep on keepin on!

angelwithoutgod

Yea, that's true. When I'm around my friends, I am fine being myself and I can have a good time without drinking. I don't really know my boyfriend's friends as well and I was singled out and it sucked.