My grandmother passed away
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
My grandmother passed away
Sad news, my grandmother had a stroke and passed away yesterday. It's not completely unexpected: she was 95 and living in an assisted care home. However, it still marks the "end of an era" in my mind and provides an interesting perspective on how life progresses for us in our lifetimes.
I am happy that she lived a long life and she did not die alone. I am also a bit stressed about what's to come: The Will. There is a part of my distant family that has always talked about her "money" (she didn't have much) and some folks are very interested in burying my grandmother before her body even turns cold. In her final years, grandmother had gone a bit crazy and said some really hurtful things to people. Some in my family are resentful of this and there are some issues that will finally be put to bed when the dust settles. I am sure there is some family drama coming down the pipeline. I know this is very common with death and often a coping mechanism for some.
I also know that I can only control my own actions. Instead of building up the stressors in my mind, and getting worried about things out of my control, I will try to remain calm. Breathe. Eat well. Rest properly. These are all good coping skills I learned in my recovery.
Drinking is not on my mind, but I can see how this type of thing would drive people to pick up again. Upon death we often think "life is short" etc, etc, why not just do it. I'm not going to, but with all of the stress factors involved I suppose I can now understand why some would.
She will be cremated and I am sure there will be a service in the coming weeks. Thanks for your support and hearing me out folks!
I am happy that she lived a long life and she did not die alone. I am also a bit stressed about what's to come: The Will. There is a part of my distant family that has always talked about her "money" (she didn't have much) and some folks are very interested in burying my grandmother before her body even turns cold. In her final years, grandmother had gone a bit crazy and said some really hurtful things to people. Some in my family are resentful of this and there are some issues that will finally be put to bed when the dust settles. I am sure there is some family drama coming down the pipeline. I know this is very common with death and often a coping mechanism for some.
I also know that I can only control my own actions. Instead of building up the stressors in my mind, and getting worried about things out of my control, I will try to remain calm. Breathe. Eat well. Rest properly. These are all good coping skills I learned in my recovery.
Drinking is not on my mind, but I can see how this type of thing would drive people to pick up again. Upon death we often think "life is short" etc, etc, why not just do it. I'm not going to, but with all of the stress factors involved I suppose I can now understand why some would.
She will be cremated and I am sure there will be a service in the coming weeks. Thanks for your support and hearing me out folks!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi bigsombrero. Sorry to hear of your Grandma's passing. You are lucky to have spent so much time with her...but know the gap a grandparent leaves behind.
I think you are very smart to know there's going to be some weird reactions going on. We had a death in my family earlier this year and peoples responses to grief caught me off guard. Including my own.
Drinking did not help the situation, and like others say here, even the few times I did drink, just delayed the grieving all the more. So a cup of tea and a cry is the order of the day now.
I hope you have nice memories return in the coming weeks. That's the beauty of being sober....so much more clarity and I've actually had long forgotten memories return.
Best wishes.xx
I think you are very smart to know there's going to be some weird reactions going on. We had a death in my family earlier this year and peoples responses to grief caught me off guard. Including my own.
Drinking did not help the situation, and like others say here, even the few times I did drink, just delayed the grieving all the more. So a cup of tea and a cry is the order of the day now.
I hope you have nice memories return in the coming weeks. That's the beauty of being sober....so much more clarity and I've actually had long forgotten memories return.
Best wishes.xx
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I am sorry for your loss of your Grandmother, Bigsombrero. And glad for you, that you have recovery skills to help you through whatever may come.
That is the nicest way to honor your Grandmother... living well and in recovery.
hugs
chicory
That is the nicest way to honor your Grandmother... living well and in recovery.
hugs
chicory
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
Drinking is not on my mind, but I can see how this type of thing would drive people to pick up again. Upon death we often think "life is short" etc, etc, why not just do it. I'm not going to, but with all of the stress factors involved I suppose I can now understand why some would.
I would take the opposite perspective, life is short, so why waste the precious time inebriated?
In terms of the money, my Grandmother passed a few years back. There was not much in terms of money either and I let my mother and her siblings fight it out. My mom even told me there was nothing but I know she kept some of the money for herself...its alright I did not need any of it. In the end the Government will benefit the most through inheritance taxes anyhow.
Try to stay positive and celebrate her life. I have found the best funerals are the ones where people can laugh and celebrate a life well lived...
BTW - I have always found that these are the times we really are grateful to be sober. While the knee jerk might be to drink, being the sober pillar can have such a great influence on those around us - good for you BS!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Peace in your heart Big Sombrero - even if some relatives opt out!
My remaining grandmother is not the nicest person. There may be a few that are waiting to dance on her grave. Thankfully she had the resources that no one had to take her into their home to care for her. Oddly having crazy relatives did teach me that I can accept them as they are, limit my exposure with geographic cure and do not expect them to change. So perhaps I was primed for the 12 steps?
Sorry for your loss!
My remaining grandmother is not the nicest person. There may be a few that are waiting to dance on her grave. Thankfully she had the resources that no one had to take her into their home to care for her. Oddly having crazy relatives did teach me that I can accept them as they are, limit my exposure with geographic cure and do not expect them to change. So perhaps I was primed for the 12 steps?
Sorry for your loss!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Sorry for your loss BigS. I think it helps now to think that whatever happens in the next few weeks or months with family squabbles, you will deal with it. Sobriety brings us clarity and strength...there's nothing like a beer or 2 to make any situation a hundred times worse.
Also, yes life is short...but your Grandmother was 95? That's a lot of years. Thats almost double the life I've lived so far (which has had more downs than ups). I get to live the next half sober..making healthy choices and building happy memories. What freedom that is. When we are 95, what life will we look back on?
Our drinking years will be just a hazy memory.
Stay strong
Also, yes life is short...but your Grandmother was 95? That's a lot of years. Thats almost double the life I've lived so far (which has had more downs than ups). I get to live the next half sober..making healthy choices and building happy memories. What freedom that is. When we are 95, what life will we look back on?
Our drinking years will be just a hazy memory.
Stay strong
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm sorry Big.
I think sometimes people forget how to behave correctly when there is money involved after someone has died.
Its happened in my family too.
You just concentrate on you and having nice memories of your grandma.
It will all come right eventually.
xx
I think sometimes people forget how to behave correctly when there is money involved after someone has died.
Its happened in my family too.
You just concentrate on you and having nice memories of your grandma.
It will all come right eventually.
xx
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