MrJameEsquire

Hello!

I've been sober now for nearly six months and I'm really struggling with everything.

When I quit drinking I somehow assumed my life would become fantastic and I would evolve into this new person. But all that has happened is I've spent the last six months grieving, regretting, getting fatter and generally just being a sober version of the person I was before.

I work from home and I work everyday, I live in a city where I have no friends and no family. I originally moved here 10 years ago because my drinking was getting me into trouble with the police and my family where close to turning there back on me. It still took me another 6 years to realise I had a problem and a further 4 to do anything about it.

I have enough money to live on but not enough to move out of the city.

As I type this I know I sound a little ridiculous and probably a little bratty but I'm just at a complete loss on how to turn things around. I'm actually at the point now where I am considering going back to drinking just to have a reason for me not living my life anymore.

Every week is getting harder and harder and time feels like its flying past so quickly which make's me feel even worse because nothing is changing.

I try really hard to look back at successes over the past few months but they don't feel like they should be. Six month sober should be an achievement but it's as if my brain can't register anything which is positive. Bad news also gets shrugged off.

I'm really hoping someone has an opinion on this because I really don't think I want to be the person that sobriety has left.

Thanks.

sugarbear1

If you are really feeling like this, those 12 steps could help you. They saved my life and gave me a new perspective on life. AA is free in Liverpool.

You aren't alone anymore. Glad you found SR!

instant

Things don't progress without taking risks and facing the fear. I have been taught that you have to reach out, and this is hard for me as it does not come naturally. I am aware that I am always trying to protect myself around others.

Anyway I have developed some new interests and made some baby steps in connecting with others. It is working but it is slow, and part of the challenge is accepting that.

The other thing is health , diet and exercise. Those things just don't happen for anyone, recovering alcoholic or not. Getting fitter has helped improve my mental state, emotions and general outlook.

Great stuff on the six months. I am now nearly two years. In retrospect it marked the end of the beginning, and the beginning of the start of me working on me and my life.

Hevyn

Welcome MrJames! No, you do not sound ridiculous or bratty. In fact, I had some of those same feelings months after I quit. That's the great thing about SR - we usually find others who've felt the same way we have, even though we're sure we're the only ones.

I hope talking about it will relieve some of your anxiety. It certainly helps to have others to discuss things with. Sugarbear & Instant both have good suggestions. Glad you are here to get some help.

Dee74

Hi Mr James

I figured I'd spent 20 years living in my own head - volunteer work was a good way for me to get beyond those confines and interact with other human beings again, do some good, and stretch my boundaries a little.

I recommend it - the ideas and thoughts volunteering kicked off helped initiate a growth process in me that is still going on and I hope will never stop

D

MrJameEsquire

Thanks everyone for replying. I had considered doing some volunteer work so maybe that's one idea.

I think for me I just really need to come to terms with what my life is now and see how I can turn it into some I actually want it to be. I guess I kind of thought that being sober was the answer to all my problems and really all it's done is made them crystal clear.

Sasha4

Hi

I'm not too far away from you in the UK.

6 months is brilliant and you should be so very proud of you.

I understand the expecting your life to be amazing once you stop drinking and when it is not, the wondering why, the thoughts of what is the point, I might as well start drinking again.

I have over a year.
My life is now very straight forward, no great ups, but importantly no great downs. Maybe it might be defined as dull by other people my own age.

I have noticed recently that life is just smoother, more calm.
Before if I struggled to find a parking space to go to an appointment, couldn't find one, was late to my appointment or missed it, then that would be it.

I would fly off the handle, be angry, looking for someone or something to blame. I would probably sack the day off and go home and drink.

How ridiculous that I would drink because I could not park?!!!

It was usually my fault anyway, as I had probably slept in, after drinking the night before and was hungover.

Now I don't drink, there seems to be lots more available car parking spaces in my life!

Do you think you could be slightly depressed?
Maybe a trip to the doctors might help or talking to a professional.
When you say you are grieving is this due to something - sorry I have not checked your previous posts and you might have explained there?

Working from home can be isolating.
I struggle when I do.

Is there anyway you could think to yourself, as soon as work ends, I will go to the gym, the climbing wall, out for a walk, see a friend, go to a meeting and make sure every 24 hours I have some other company?

Six months is awesome.
Keep working you and looking after yourself.

My best to you xx

regeneration

hello, nice to see another UKer, I'm from Yorkshire originally.

I kept ridiculously busy when I first got sober, now I've calmed down as I'm having to face my emotions. I found that when you stop drinking you can see things a lot more clearly (which you mention when saying things become crystal clear)... which means if you are depressed, isolated or whatever then it can hit you. The good thing about being sober is you can start to solve it and get a life. Drinking just throws you back down again and it goes around and around.

Could you ring any of the alcohol support services in Liverpool to ask for advice or chat to your GP as others saying? Access To The Service

They might be able to talk to you about counselling, SMART, AA etc.

I found out, after I got sober alone in London that there are all kinds of support services. I think because I didn't have to detox I didn't need anything "like that", then realised it would have really helped me, as leaving behind booze means you often need to rebuild your life. Some organisations down here have fitness bootcamps and all sorts, depends what you're into.

Look at things you are interested in and start going for it. And give yourself credit on the 6 months, it does get better once you start working out what you want from life. Go easy on yourself while getting there.

GoodFortune

I can totally relate to what you are feeling. I`ve been sober over longer periods of time, but falling off the wagon again because my life felt so empty without it. I spent the entire time grieving over alcohol and loosing it. Alcohol filled a void in your life, and after you quit you haven`t filled that void up with something else. You mentioned that you feel like you are just a sober version of the person you was before, and just quitting drinking wont change that, you have to get out of your comfort zone and try and make some new relationships. I get that it`s difficult when you work from home and are probably isolating yourself after quitting drinking, but try to get out there and meet some people.

I wish you all the best! Keep posting on the forum!

RobbyRobot

Spiritual sobriety was the answer to my alcoholism after my quitting drinking. My life changed when I myself changed, and these changes always originated from within myself. Drunk or sober, I could always create change, for better or worse respectively. After quitting, life very much became a responsibility to do the next right thing for me to create a life worth living. While drinking, I was absolutely refusing to accept responsibility for myself. Just the act of taking on real responsibility for myself opened all kinds of opportunities to really enjoy being me without alcohol.

Try to keep an open mind about what kind of a life you honestly want for yourself, and then go ahead and make it work for you as best as you can. Besides returning to drinking, don't worry about making some other mistakes or whatever about discovering how to become all that you can be as you move forward. You have six months already accomplished. That is an awesome start! Make it work for YOU!

Early sobriety is an exciting time! So much more of life can be re-worked and re-defined and re-discovered after quitting drinking. The only limits are the ones we impose upon ourselves is what I have learned by experience.