Fed up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6
Fed up.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this but here goes anyway. Feel free to delete / move it to the correct place...
I am 22 and I have been binge drinking since I was 16/17 and started living on my own for the first time. It started off as fun and harmless but I found I could drink to numb my depression and it gave me confidence to talk to people and it made me interesting. I also have social anxiety disorder so making friends is really difficult for me. The firends I do have now (4) are all based on alcohol. I never go anywhere sober with them and we don't do anything other than sit in my flat 2-3 times a week drinking. I find I only call them now to come around if I fancy a drink but don't want to drink alone- I crave the company.
I'm so lonely and sad.
I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years but I just feel like I take him for granted and treat him like crap. He has told me before I get 'out of hand' when I drink and don't know when to stop. I love him so much and I'm so scared of losing him as well. When I'm at his house I don't think about drink at all, I'm happy doing whatever but as soon as I get back to my flat I just feel really lonely and all I want to do is get drunk. I usually drink a 70cl of vodka in one night, sometimes carrying on until morning until 'sober' with beers or whatever. The next day I either can't remember anything or I'm filled with shame and regret.
I know what I have to do - stop these "friendships" that just revolve around drinking (drinking buddies?) and I think I need to see the doctor about my depression. I just can't cope anymore and I hate myself so much. I'm living this web of lies and soon I'm going to have nobody.
I'm not sure where this post is going. I think I just needed to vent
sorry.
I am 22 and I have been binge drinking since I was 16/17 and started living on my own for the first time. It started off as fun and harmless but I found I could drink to numb my depression and it gave me confidence to talk to people and it made me interesting. I also have social anxiety disorder so making friends is really difficult for me. The firends I do have now (4) are all based on alcohol. I never go anywhere sober with them and we don't do anything other than sit in my flat 2-3 times a week drinking. I find I only call them now to come around if I fancy a drink but don't want to drink alone- I crave the company.
I'm so lonely and sad.
I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years but I just feel like I take him for granted and treat him like crap. He has told me before I get 'out of hand' when I drink and don't know when to stop. I love him so much and I'm so scared of losing him as well. When I'm at his house I don't think about drink at all, I'm happy doing whatever but as soon as I get back to my flat I just feel really lonely and all I want to do is get drunk. I usually drink a 70cl of vodka in one night, sometimes carrying on until morning until 'sober' with beers or whatever. The next day I either can't remember anything or I'm filled with shame and regret.
I know what I have to do - stop these "friendships" that just revolve around drinking (drinking buddies?) and I think I need to see the doctor about my depression. I just can't cope anymore and I hate myself so much. I'm living this web of lies and soon I'm going to have nobody.
I'm not sure where this post is going. I think I just needed to vent
sorry.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Welcome to the Neighborhood! You're in the right place, you are now surrounded by many like minded people who understand what you are going through.
I'm happy for you that you are coming to the realization that drinking has become a problem and you are addressing it.
Look to the future, it just got a lot brighter if you want it to be.
I'm happy for you that you are coming to the realization that drinking has become a problem and you are addressing it.
Look to the future, it just got a lot brighter if you want it to be.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by lou29 
I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this but here goes anyway. Feel free to delete / move it to the correct place...
I am 22 and I have been binge drinking since I was 16/17 and started living on my own for the first time. It started off as fun and harmless but I found I could drink to numb my depression and it gave me confidence to talk to people and it made me interesting. I also have social anxiety disorder so making friends is really difficult for me. The firends I do have now (4) are all based on alcohol. I never go anywhere sober with them and we don't do anything other than sit in my flat 2-3 times a week drinking. I find I only call them now to come around if I fancy a drink but don't want to drink alone- I crave the company.
I'm so lonely and sad.
I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years but I just feel like I take him for granted and treat him like crap. He has told me before I get 'out of hand' when I drink and don't know when to stop. I love him so much and I'm so scared of losing him as well. When I'm at his house I don't think about drink at all, I'm happy doing whatever but as soon as I get back to my flat I just feel really lonely and all I want to do is get drunk. I usually drink a 70cl of vodka in one night, sometimes carrying on until morning until 'sober' with beers or whatever. The next day I either can't remember anything or I'm filled with shame and regret.
I know what I have to do - stop these "friendships" that just revolve around drinking (drinking buddies?) and I think I need to see the doctor about my depression. I just can't cope anymore and I hate myself so much. I'm living this web of lies and soon I'm going to have nobody.
I'm not sure where this post is going. I think I just needed to vent sorry.
I am 22 and I have been binge drinking since I was 16/17 and started living on my own for the first time. It started off as fun and harmless but I found I could drink to numb my depression and it gave me confidence to talk to people and it made me interesting. I also have social anxiety disorder so making friends is really difficult for me. The firends I do have now (4) are all based on alcohol. I never go anywhere sober with them and we don't do anything other than sit in my flat 2-3 times a week drinking. I find I only call them now to come around if I fancy a drink but don't want to drink alone- I crave the company.
I'm so lonely and sad.
I have a boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years but I just feel like I take him for granted and treat him like crap. He has told me before I get 'out of hand' when I drink and don't know when to stop. I love him so much and I'm so scared of losing him as well. When I'm at his house I don't think about drink at all, I'm happy doing whatever but as soon as I get back to my flat I just feel really lonely and all I want to do is get drunk. I usually drink a 70cl of vodka in one night, sometimes carrying on until morning until 'sober' with beers or whatever. The next day I either can't remember anything or I'm filled with shame and regret.
I know what I have to do - stop these "friendships" that just revolve around drinking (drinking buddies?) and I think I need to see the doctor about my depression. I just can't cope anymore and I hate myself so much. I'm living this web of lies and soon I'm going to have nobody.
I'm not sure where this post is going. I think I just needed to vent
sorry.I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with what you have suggested.You don't say if you want to stop drinking or not.If you do you are inthe right place here
you'll prob find that when you stop drinking you won't see your drinking buddies any more anyway and your depression will ease up as alcohol is a depressant
If you look on the NEwcomers to REcovery threads you'll find many of us trying to quit and newly sober
good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6
I do want to stop. It's got to the point now where I can't just have 'one or two'- it's all or nothing. I've put myself in to some really horrible situations because of drink and I can't carry on. Time to sort my life out and stop hiding behind booze.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6
I've lost 2 friends in the past fortnight solely because of my drinking. My best friend told me just then he is 'sick of just being invited over for vodka anyway'. People are starting to see through me. I really wish I could talk to my boyfriend about all of this but I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm too scared to go to the doctors
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by lou29
I've lost 2 friends in the past fortnight solely because of my drinking. My best friend told me just then he is 'sick of just being invited over for vodka anyway'. People are starting to see through me. I really wish I could talk to my boyfriend about all of this but I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm too scared to go to the doctors
Itcan be really dangerous to just stop drinking esp if you are drinking bottle of vodka a day. Please see your doc for proper supervision
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Welcome lou29:
I found Alcoholics Anonymous to be the keystone of my recovery.
I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".
See if you can identify....
All the best.
Bob R
I found Alcoholics Anonymous to be the keystone of my recovery.
I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".
See if you can identify....
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6
I'm looking in to it. Very nervous though about people in my local AA being a lot older than me, and I class myself as a binge drinker- not an alcoholic? So I'd feel a bit silly going. I don't know. Will look in to it further. Thankyou for your kind words though guys- I feel so much better after a big cry and getting it all off my chest. Here's to tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
lou29, welcome to SR. It's a fantastic place. There's so much support and understanding here, not to mention the vast amounts of experience and knowledge.
I'm 24. When I first joined SR, I would have classified myself as a binge drinker, too. I had fleeting thoughts that I may have been an alcoholic, but it was never anything serious - I mostly just thought I had a problem with controlling the quantity that I drank and that I was nowhere near being an alcoholic. Through being here and relating to other people and having read a vast amount of information on the subject, I now know that I am an alcoholic and I can never drink again. I thought that this would be a terrifying realisation, but in fact it is quite the opposite - through admitting what I am, I have freed myself from a future agonising over drinking or not drinking, am I this or am I that? I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, just that whatever you are... it doesn't really matter - if alcohol is causing problems in your life then you are better off without it. I noticed that you said 'not every day, haha' in one of your posts regarding how much you drank, and then ended that sentence with 'just 2 or 3 times a week' (sorry not quoted). Drinking 70cl of vodka ONCE a week is a huge amount of alcohol. Also, quantity doesn't really matter as much as people think it does... I have come to realise that what the main problem is with my alcohol intake is not the quantity but what happens to me after that first sip.
I wish you all the best x
I'm 24. When I first joined SR, I would have classified myself as a binge drinker, too. I had fleeting thoughts that I may have been an alcoholic, but it was never anything serious - I mostly just thought I had a problem with controlling the quantity that I drank and that I was nowhere near being an alcoholic. Through being here and relating to other people and having read a vast amount of information on the subject, I now know that I am an alcoholic and I can never drink again. I thought that this would be a terrifying realisation, but in fact it is quite the opposite - through admitting what I am, I have freed myself from a future agonising over drinking or not drinking, am I this or am I that? I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, just that whatever you are... it doesn't really matter - if alcohol is causing problems in your life then you are better off without it. I noticed that you said 'not every day, haha' in one of your posts regarding how much you drank, and then ended that sentence with 'just 2 or 3 times a week' (sorry not quoted). Drinking 70cl of vodka ONCE a week is a huge amount of alcohol. Also, quantity doesn't really matter as much as people think it does... I have come to realise that what the main problem is with my alcohol intake is not the quantity but what happens to me after that first sip.
I wish you all the best x
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When my drinking turned me into a depressed mental mmess
I decided to quit and joined AA...
For many of us it was not about what we drank..or how much
or where or when...it is about how alcohol made us feel.
Welcome to our recovery community..
I decided to quit and joined AA...
For many of us it was not about what we drank..or how much
or where or when...it is about how alcohol made us feel.
Welcome to our recovery community..
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
For me there was no point is treating any issues like anxiety and depression until I stopped drinking. Also, drinking extremely amplified those issues.
I think it is a good idea to see the doc about the depression and social phobia, but be totally honest about the drinking problem.
I am so glad you found SR. You are going to find so much support here. I see a brilliant future ahead of you
Please keep posting
I think it is a good idea to see the doc about the depression and social phobia, but be totally honest about the drinking problem.
I am so glad you found SR. You are going to find so much support here. I see a brilliant future ahead of you
Please keep posting
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
