Overwhelmed
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
Overwhelmed
I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed when I go to meetings. The stuff long-time sober people describe, in how they deal with their everyday life, sounds absolutely exhausting. Examining character defects and resentments, making amends, being rigorously honest, etc - I really don't think I want to do all that! All I want to do is not drink.
Do you come to want to do this over time or something?
Yeah, I know - if I don't like it I can go back out there. I'm aware there are other methods to recovery...but the one main thing that draws me to AA is the face-to-face contact. I really feel I need that. However in all honesty, I don't see myself doing all this other stuff and practicing the principles in all my affairs. It's not appealing to me at all. I can't relate.
Do you come to want to do this over time or something?
Yeah, I know - if I don't like it I can go back out there. I'm aware there are other methods to recovery...but the one main thing that draws me to AA is the face-to-face contact. I really feel I need that. However in all honesty, I don't see myself doing all this other stuff and practicing the principles in all my affairs. It's not appealing to me at all. I can't relate.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Have you heard that line, the one about not one of us doing any of this stuff perfectly? What an order, that not many of us feel able to go through with? That's the one to hold on to. Remember this is one day's reflection, just one day, so it makes it manageable
As time goes on, that understanding may well become more sophisticated, deeper, and yes, even enjoyable, because it frees us. But that's a process, and like you, I struggle with it too, as do lots of the people in recovery I trust and speak to most, who have been sober a long time.
Hang in there. If you haven't got one already, get a just for today card, and do one of the suggestions on there to the best of your ability, even just minutely. Those are the habits I find helpful, because it provides a do-able focus....great example is I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Always remember, AA was founded by two men who knew what it was like to be drunk, and what it can be like to stay sober, and their pragmatism and compassion is right there in that just for today card.
As time goes on, that understanding may well become more sophisticated, deeper, and yes, even enjoyable, because it frees us. But that's a process, and like you, I struggle with it too, as do lots of the people in recovery I trust and speak to most, who have been sober a long time.
Hang in there. If you haven't got one already, get a just for today card, and do one of the suggestions on there to the best of your ability, even just minutely. Those are the habits I find helpful, because it provides a do-able focus....great example is I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Always remember, AA was founded by two men who knew what it was like to be drunk, and what it can be like to stay sober, and their pragmatism and compassion is right there in that just for today card.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by Pipefish 
Have you heard that line, the one about not one of us doing any of this stuff perfectly? What an order, that not many of us feel able to go through with? That's the one to hold on to. .
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by freethinking
However in all honesty, I don't see myself doing all this other stuff and practicing the principles in all my affairs. It's not appealing to me at all. I can't relate.
The promises not only stopped me from thinking about drinking, they changed the way I think about other things... Like selfishness, dishonesty and humility.
Not drinking has nothing to do with why I am sober today. That is just a drop in the bucket compared to how much my life is changed. Don't think of practicing principles as something you have to do. Think of it as something you end up wanting to do.
Behavior changes thinking faster than thinking changes behavior.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Laconia
Posts: 813
I know where you are coming from.
Something that helped me see program through "A new pair of glasses"
was when it was suggested that I start reading all the promises in the BB.
Like the 7 promises of the 3rd. and 5th Steps and, of course, the 12 promises.
Then I had an epiphany by realizing that most of those promises are what I drank to get.
For example:
1.) When I drank I was amazed before I was half way (loaded) through.
2.) When I drank I knew a new freedom and happiness
3.) When I drank I didn't regret the past or wish to shut the door on it.
4.) When I drank I comprehended the word serenity and knew peace. (Big one 4 me)
5.) When I drank I saw how my experiences could benefit others - I had all the drunk escapades to prove it.
6.) When I drank, no matter how low I sunk I didn't care.
7.) When I drank I lost interest in selfish things and had all the solutions for my drinking pals.
8.) When I drank self-seeking slipped away.
9.) When I drank my whole attitude and outlook on life changed. The gray world of reality cleared away and the sky was bright again in my fantasy realm.
10.) When I drank fear of economic security left me. (Because I forgot about my money problems-for that night at least) Fear of people also left me,
I was suave and debonair with a few shots in my gut.
11.) When I drank I suddenly had all the answers.
12.) When I drank I realized that booze was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
It soon became evident that the things I drank to get with booze, I could get from
working the steps. When I did work the steps and had a psychic change I realized that
I no longer needed to drink to get what I drank for - so why would I ever want to
drink again.
I do the work in the BB for one reason only, to get goodies or promises.
Give it a shot and you will soon realize that its not work anymore it's a labor of love.
Kind of like the old saying to newcomers about going to meetings = "You go to meetings, until you like going to meetings."
Something that helped me see program through "A new pair of glasses"
was when it was suggested that I start reading all the promises in the BB.
Like the 7 promises of the 3rd. and 5th Steps and, of course, the 12 promises.
Then I had an epiphany by realizing that most of those promises are what I drank to get.
For example:
1.) When I drank I was amazed before I was half way (loaded) through.
2.) When I drank I knew a new freedom and happiness
3.) When I drank I didn't regret the past or wish to shut the door on it.
4.) When I drank I comprehended the word serenity and knew peace. (Big one 4 me)
5.) When I drank I saw how my experiences could benefit others - I had all the drunk escapades to prove it.
6.) When I drank, no matter how low I sunk I didn't care.
7.) When I drank I lost interest in selfish things and had all the solutions for my drinking pals.
8.) When I drank self-seeking slipped away.
9.) When I drank my whole attitude and outlook on life changed. The gray world of reality cleared away and the sky was bright again in my fantasy realm.
10.) When I drank fear of economic security left me. (Because I forgot about my money problems-for that night at least) Fear of people also left me,
I was suave and debonair with a few shots in my gut.
11.) When I drank I suddenly had all the answers.
12.) When I drank I realized that booze was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
It soon became evident that the things I drank to get with booze, I could get from
working the steps. When I did work the steps and had a psychic change I realized that
I no longer needed to drink to get what I drank for - so why would I ever want to
drink again.
I do the work in the BB for one reason only, to get goodies or promises.
Give it a shot and you will soon realize that its not work anymore it's a labor of love.
Kind of like the old saying to newcomers about going to meetings = "You go to meetings, until you like going to meetings."
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by freethinking
I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed when I go to meetings. The stuff long-time sober people describe, in how they deal with their everyday life, sounds absolutely exhausting. Examining character defects and resentments, making amends, being rigorously honest, etc - I really don't think I want to do all that! All I want to do is not drink.
Do you come to want to do this over time or something?
Do you come to want to do this over time or something?
Yeah, I know - if I don't like it I can go back out there. I'm aware there are other methods to recovery...but the one main thing that draws me to AA is the face-to-face contact. I really feel I need that. However in all honesty, I don't see myself doing all this other stuff and practicing the principles in all my affairs. It's not appealing to me at all. I can't relate.
I have decades of AA experience and we're not talking about failed scenarios either. Real success. So, be of good cheer! AA can be simplified down enough for whatever is required. Not watered down either, lol.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by freethinking
Thanks, Robby - I like your attitude
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Yeah thanks. That and a killer smile can really smooth things out in troubled times, and more then once such an attitude has gotten me out of complications.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
One thing I always keep in mind is that all of those things - being honest with myself and others, striving to become a better person, making amends when needed, helping others, not wallowing in self-pity, being responsible, living in positive action - those are things that all normal good people do. I just sucked at them because I wanted to do things my own way. So I needed a program to teach me. But it's all stuff we were taught in kindergarten. I guess I was too busy with math and reading to pick it all up.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
I was absolutely overwhelmed when I first got into AA. All the things you were supposed to do? Wut? Who has time?
THe thing is you don't have to do them all at once. If you have a sponsor and they take you through the steps, you start learning a different way of living. You gradually put new habits and new ways of thinking in place. It's not a change that is made overnight. It's a gradual change, like fitness. You start out slow. Everything seems hard. Gradually your strength and endurance grow and you want to tackle bigger challenges to get bigger results.
As people say, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
The best advice I have ever received was when I was in overload in the program and freaking out. THey said to do just do one thing about my recovery every day. That might be going to a meeting, it might be staying home and doing an hour of step work instead, or calling someone with less time up than me.
A lot of things about the program are second nature now and take no more than a few moments, but at the beginning it was all too hard.
THe thing is you don't have to do them all at once. If you have a sponsor and they take you through the steps, you start learning a different way of living. You gradually put new habits and new ways of thinking in place. It's not a change that is made overnight. It's a gradual change, like fitness. You start out slow. Everything seems hard. Gradually your strength and endurance grow and you want to tackle bigger challenges to get bigger results.
As people say, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
The best advice I have ever received was when I was in overload in the program and freaking out. THey said to do just do one thing about my recovery every day. That might be going to a meeting, it might be staying home and doing an hour of step work instead, or calling someone with less time up than me.
A lot of things about the program are second nature now and take no more than a few moments, but at the beginning it was all too hard.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Originally Posted by Gal220
One thing I always keep in mind is that all of those things - being honest with myself and others, striving to become a better person, making amends when needed, helping others, not wallowing in self-pity, being responsible, living in positive action - those are things that all normal good people do. I just sucked at them because I wanted to do things my own way. So I needed a program to teach me. But it's all stuff we were taught in kindergarten. I guess I was too busy with math and reading to pick it all up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
My experience has been what a couple of others have mentioned. With the psychic change that comes from taking the Steps, all of these 'things' that seemed like things I would have to do soon became things I wanted to do. In many ways, today I see them as opportunities to have more freedom.
Early sobriety was overwhelming, and I had to be reminded that I am on the Step I am on, and that's the only place I have to be. Prior to that, my life was dominated by all of the things that lay in the future, the things that might be troublesome later. The truth was, that at any given time there was only one thing I had to do. So I put a tourniquet around the rest of my life as best I could, and simply took the spiritual action that was shown to me and right in front of me. The result was that in a few short months my life had changed sufficiently so that I could begin looking at some of the things I put on hold. With a new perspective, those seemingly insurmountable obstacles became relatively easy to handle. And all the 'work requirements' of an AA program became a working part of my life.
Early sobriety was overwhelming, and I had to be reminded that I am on the Step I am on, and that's the only place I have to be. Prior to that, my life was dominated by all of the things that lay in the future, the things that might be troublesome later. The truth was, that at any given time there was only one thing I had to do. So I put a tourniquet around the rest of my life as best I could, and simply took the spiritual action that was shown to me and right in front of me. The result was that in a few short months my life had changed sufficiently so that I could begin looking at some of the things I put on hold. With a new perspective, those seemingly insurmountable obstacles became relatively easy to handle. And all the 'work requirements' of an AA program became a working part of my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 285
I recently went to a meeting on the 4th step. The woman who brought up the topic was fairly new and talked about being confused and overwhelmed approaching the step. Pretty much everyone else who spoke was either working on a second 4th step or otherwise wanting to go back to it (or talking about doing mini 4th steps when things came up). The last person to speak pointed out how this shows that there really is something to all this when you get to the other side...that it really does help you feel better because those on the other side wanted to do it again for additional relief. I don't know that I ever fully want to do the stuff you're describing. It's hard. But I've seen it directly connected to immense amounts of relief that I do want, so that makes me push forward. I get excited about feeling better, so in that sense I want to do it.
This post is a great example of why one day at a time is always stressed. If you're not ready for something someone is talking about then that's not what you need right now. It's ok to let it go...take what you want and leave the rest. Focus on what's working for you right now. What's getting you through the day? What's helping you feel better/stronger? That's all you need right now. You don't need to "get" what's going to be happening years from now. You gotta find what will get you through the day.
My sponsor also tells me regularly to "trust the process." At the time it generally makes me want to strangle her because she says it when I'm feeling crappy. I get what she's saying though. Sometimes I can't see how doing ______, whatever it is, is going to get me any sort of positive results. I let it get me stuck in my misery further. She tells me to trust the process...trust that those who came before me knew what they were talking about, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually I'll get to where I need to be. And ya know? As much as it pisses me off, she's right every time! And now I catch myself telling friends (and apparently others here now) the same thing. (Shhhh don't tell her! lol)
This post is a great example of why one day at a time is always stressed. If you're not ready for something someone is talking about then that's not what you need right now. It's ok to let it go...take what you want and leave the rest. Focus on what's working for you right now. What's getting you through the day? What's helping you feel better/stronger? That's all you need right now. You don't need to "get" what's going to be happening years from now. You gotta find what will get you through the day.
My sponsor also tells me regularly to "trust the process." At the time it generally makes me want to strangle her because she says it when I'm feeling crappy. I get what she's saying though. Sometimes I can't see how doing ______, whatever it is, is going to get me any sort of positive results. I let it get me stuck in my misery further. She tells me to trust the process...trust that those who came before me knew what they were talking about, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually I'll get to where I need to be. And ya know? As much as it pisses me off, she's right every time! And now I catch myself telling friends (and apparently others here now) the same thing. (Shhhh don't tell her! lol)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Oh goodness you are really comparing and you have no idea if the person you are listening to is quite nutty or actually living life. Get a sponsor and work the steps ASAP, if you do this life will become much easier if you don't then you may end up like one of the old timers you are listening to who over analyse themselves and everything else.
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