recoverywfaith

When doing your 9th step with your sponser was it suggested to you; to have each written amends letter reviewed by your sponser before proceeding with all direct amends? Or did you review just a few of the amends letters as an example to make sure you understood step 9 before making those direct amends and then later just asking your sponser (and praying) before making the rest of the amend letters?

The list of people, etc. (step 8) have already been approved for amends by my sponser...just need some outside perspectives and your ESH would be greatly appreciated.

Taking5

No, the steps say nothing about writing a letter, and IMHO a letter does not meet the "direct amends" we are supposed to make in the 9th step.

Pinkcuda

I concur. FWIW the 8th Step List needn't be presented for any type of approval by anyone.

Tommyh

my past sponsors never looked at my amends,at that time in my recovery,It was supposed to be between God and me and the instructions in the big book.I have asked them for help and have had sponsee`s ask for help in the past.
it is up to you and your sponsor apparently but I hope you do some praying before making any amends

Tommyh

p 83 1st edtiion of the big book
I beg your pardon friends
Some people cannot be seen-we sent them an honest letter.

a few examples are:
if someone we owe amends is in prison and we can`t get in to see them,write them a letter.Same if we are in prison and they can not/will not come see us.

people who have passed on,if it bothers you,do write them a letter,I have done that in the past and addressed it to their last address and sealed it up and burnt it and prayed before I did it

recoverywfaith

Thank you for your responses and I will def. pray before proceeding and during any step 9 work.

barb dwyer

the letter thing never came up during my first round.

the only thing my sponsor went over with me
was (of course) the fourth
and then my list.

And that's it.

GOOD FOR YOU getting through the fourth!!!

I've seen so so many who just can't do it.

CongraTULAteYOURSELF ... AGAIN!

lol

shaun00

My idea of an amends was a text or letter...lol..

I was shocked to learn that my then sponsor didnt consider that to be direct...and worse.....it wasnt to appease my guilt....or "my" anything..lol.

so i got on the bus....when every element of self was removed.

Sure, i ran all my amends past my sponsor......and looking back im glad i did.
it was suggested to me to pause on one particular one....to pray...and wait for the answer to come...
i was a whirlwind........wreckage scattered in every direction.....deep damage done to some that never asked for it.......what right do i have to go marching back up to there door, if it could create further stress..further damage...further harm...none..

recoverywfaith

Most of my amends are going to be face to face for the exception of a few due to distance and a few that are not available. My sponser and I are going to closely review and discuss all amends because I defintely do not want to cause any more harm and most importantly I will pray. Thank you all for your responses.

PaperDolls

I made my "long distance" amends over the phone. It was important for me to do that as I felt it made them more personal.