my mom is at the end
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 51
my mom is at the end
If this isn't appropriate for this forum, please move it. I just wanted to be in a place where people relate and understand what I've gone through.
Today at 5:55 am I was asked by my mom's doctor to discontinue all medical intervention; all options for saving her had been exhausted. I gave permission for them to administer morphine. My mom IS 56 years old, an alcoholic subcombing to ESLD in the ICU. She is this, but very soon, the doctor said within a few hours maybe, she will be 'was'.
I'm states away trying to let her impending death settle in on me. I'm scared. I'm conflicted between not wanting to lose her and wanting her suffering to end. I'm numb a lot of times, losing track of time and staring forward without thinking. I haven't cried much considering the circumstances.
I called to say goodbye, even though she had already slipped into a hepatic coma. I've read and heard that hearing is the last sense to go; I desperately hope this is true.
I don't know why I'm posting here. I guess no one else around me has words for me right now that don't add to the hurt I'm feeling. I don't want to feel so alone right now while I wait.
Thank you.
Today at 5:55 am I was asked by my mom's doctor to discontinue all medical intervention; all options for saving her had been exhausted. I gave permission for them to administer morphine. My mom IS 56 years old, an alcoholic subcombing to ESLD in the ICU. She is this, but very soon, the doctor said within a few hours maybe, she will be 'was'.
I'm states away trying to let her impending death settle in on me. I'm scared. I'm conflicted between not wanting to lose her and wanting her suffering to end. I'm numb a lot of times, losing track of time and staring forward without thinking. I haven't cried much considering the circumstances.
I called to say goodbye, even though she had already slipped into a hepatic coma. I've read and heard that hearing is the last sense to go; I desperately hope this is true.
I don't know why I'm posting here. I guess no one else around me has words for me right now that don't add to the hurt I'm feeling. I don't want to feel so alone right now while I wait.
Thank you.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 51
Wow, I found an old post on here from 2015 when I thought THAT was when she would pass. She obviously rebounded but the doctors gave her less than a year. She made it another two years and two months. Long enough to meet one of my babies and know I'd given her a second grandchild just last year. I'm grateful for the additional time I had with her.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
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My condolences to you.
I know how much it hurts to lose loved ones and how it feels to also lose them to addiction. It helps me to believe that they are finally at peace and no longer suffering.
I know how much it hurts to lose loved ones and how it feels to also lose them to addiction. It helps me to believe that they are finally at peace and no longer suffering.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by NOLAGirl 
Wow, I found an old post on here from 2015 when I thought THAT was when she would pass. She obviously rebounded but the doctors gave her less than a year. She made it another two years and two months. Long enough to meet one of my babies and know I'd given her a second grandchild just last year. I'm grateful for the additional time I had with her.
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss
― Dr. Seuss
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Location: milwaukee wi
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NOLAGirl ... oh babe you scream and cry and rant if you need to here with all of us... she got to see the grand babies.. you have made her life so complete.. the new part of so many going on to another century .. my Grandmother would have put it this way....
its hard.. hearing is one of the last things to go.. for my Father in law Charlie.. heard me when I said Son you listen up on.. the DI is going call your name and that chute needs to be packed tight and right.. he never moved but his last word was "What" Nancy heard him and me.. he heard my call.. .... Its hard Dear Heart to loose a Parent.. were you there when she went??? I got to talk to my Pop on the phone 48 hours before he left us. to follow his Aunt Cora to the Family..... I believe this with all my heart. He promised to come and get me when the time comes... sorry .. hugs prayers and so much love in a ton of directions.. listen and you will hear her. promise.. ardy
its hard.. hearing is one of the last things to go.. for my Father in law Charlie.. heard me when I said Son you listen up on.. the DI is going call your name and that chute needs to be packed tight and right.. he never moved but his last word was "What" Nancy heard him and me.. he heard my call.. .... Its hard Dear Heart to loose a Parent.. were you there when she went??? I got to talk to my Pop on the phone 48 hours before he left us. to follow his Aunt Cora to the Family..... I believe this with all my heart. He promised to come and get me when the time comes... sorry .. hugs prayers and so much love in a ton of directions.. listen and you will hear her. promise.. ardy
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Thank you to those that have commented. It's so much easier (and comforting) to talk among people that 'get' this. And the anonymity helps me to not feel pressure to express my emotions a certain way for the benefit of others. This is sad and I'm very sad, but I'm also tired and empty. Im sure the heavy emotions will hit me later when I've had time to rest.
I just want the phone to ring and tell me this was all a mistake, this was someone else mother, or maybe I dreamed it all. I hated that the doctor waited hours to relieve her of her pain, maybe it was protocol but I'd have given permission much sooner had I known how she suffered. They had called me from her room just as the nurse was giving the morphine and the sound she was making...I'll never forget it and it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
Thank you for giving me a safe place to talk about this.
I just want the phone to ring and tell me this was all a mistake, this was someone else mother, or maybe I dreamed it all. I hated that the doctor waited hours to relieve her of her pain, maybe it was protocol but I'd have given permission much sooner had I known how she suffered. They had called me from her room just as the nurse was giving the morphine and the sound she was making...I'll never forget it and it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
Thank you for giving me a safe place to talk about this.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I'm really sorry for your loss NOLAGirl.
Active addiction is such a relentless condition.
You're right in that this is a place where people will support you and we do understand - you're not alone
D
Active addiction is such a relentless condition.
You're right in that this is a place where people will support you and we do understand - you're not alone
D
Addiction is a horrible thing.
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