tbold12

First time posting thanks in advance...

Mom was always the little too much to drink at night and at family parties person until it spun completely out of control. It has always been a stress in the family but she was able to work raise a family and live what most people would call a normal life. She retired and felt like her life was over at 65, drinking at night turned in to doing nothing but drinking all day.

A year later after countless detoxes, several rehab and emergency room visits, after falling all over the place (broken neck) we are still in the same place. Dad retired several years earlier than her and started drinking as well and now I CAN'T believe there are two of these completely impossible people consuming my every thought. My mom had a difficult childhood and overall life (not trying to justify but part of the problem), but here is dad jumping on band wagon. She admits she has a problem and has sought help, but he is square one denial mode and I can't believe after all these years of seeing her he could start. He also makes fun of her because he claims he's nothing like her. Meanwhile just because he is a bit better off than worse case scenario mom doesn't mean he's OK in my opinion. He also thinks he should be allowed to drink a little because of stressful atmosphere. A little means 8 hours at the bar by the way.

Here we are a divided family. She is manipulative and better than all of the help offered. She has also successfully pushed almost all of her family and friends out of her life. Leaving my brother and I feeling 100% responsible. My dad is quick to put you down or critique you if you call him out on his drinking (coming home 8 hours later after saying he went to buy a newspaper). Mom also lost her drivers license so thank god she can't drive but also has excuse not to go to seek help. My brothers and I don't live with them.

If anyone is asking if they are together, yeah that are! Most parasitic and toxic relationship possible. I have never seen two people hate each other more.

Its all I think about and all I talk about its a nightmare. When you want it to get better it gets worse and worse. I see myself becoming more sad with each day and makes a me want to just give everything up to fix them but they give 0%. I can't get the feeling that I owe it to them out of my head and its affecting all parts of my life for the worse. Backing away just leads to more guilt...

tromboneliness

This is really hard, but it boils down to:

- You can't fix them - they're grown adults and make their own choices.
- You are not, in any way, responsible for them. That means: you didn't cause what they're doing, and it is not your job to remedy the situation (see above).
- Read the stickies
- Find an Al-Anon meeting (www.al-anon.org) and go to a meeting. Tonight, if you can!

Good luck,

T

Mummyto2

Hi, I really feel for you and your brother, as an alcoholic myself with 2 beautiful children and trying my best to stay sober, you cant fix them, this is not your responsibility its down to your parents to get help, I know I dont want my childrens lives destroyed because of me, wishing you all the best

tbold12

Thank you so much for kind responses.

I feel so resentful that their battle has become our battle but I know that there are resources out there. Back and forth mental mind game day in and day out isn't working for me! I will definitely seek help, thanks again.