Ready to get out of the weed trap
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
Ready to get out of the weed trap
Hello -
I am on day one of no more weed. I have been using marijuana mostly regularly since I was 15. I am now 42 and I no longer want to be a 42 year-old pot head, though my use has slowed down somewhat in that I always just used a little through a vaporizer. But enough's enough. I would be able to go two days and then I'd be fiending for some.
I finally ran out, cannot afford to get any, and don't want any. I could say, "well, i can just smoke it if someone offers it to me," but I know that will lead to me wanting to buy some again. It always has.
I also suffer from depression and have always made this drug part of my cocktail and sometimes I feel miserable and things and then I smoke a little and it's like my mind opens up and I can get a perspective on things or a "grip," but eventually I come down off of that and I am wondering if maybe this has not been exacerbating my depression.
I have a very obsessive mind, too and I am not sure the weed has been helping me. I obsess on things for whole months at times.
I ended a relationship with a 56 year-old pot head about five months ago. He is a "high functioning" pot-head though, and makes good money running his own business and is a successful DJ too that everyone loves in the electronic music scene, but I can tell it is messing with him anyway.
During any argument he was totally irrational, not willing to accept any responsibility for anything, he was somewhat deceitful and of course, everything was all my fault in the end.
I have had a hard time detaching from this relationship, but in deciding to quit weed, I feel it gives me even more of a reason to stay away from this person (at least for a long time as a friend or fellow collaborator for now).
I never would have been able to quit weed if I were still with him.
I have been wanting to quit weed for a lot of years on a deep level. At the same time, I feel it has been one of my best friends and I am not sure how I am going to cope without it.
I have been using it to mask a lot of life stress and depression and loneliness. I use it to change my mood, but wonder if it isn't messing wtih my mood even more.
I suffer from chronic pain and severe headaches as well and was about to go and get a medical marijuana card. But seriously, I can't just use it medicinally, so that is no longer an option.
I am involved in a "scene" of a lot of artists and DJ's and the like and just about everyone I know smokes a LOT of weed. And that's just normal for them. A lot of them are also into doing harder drugs much too often - E, acid, and coke mainly.
I'm just at the point where I am sick of watching everyone get totally baked all the time as if they can't get through a day without it. And most of these people smoke way more than I did.
I used a vaporizer, which just made what I had last longer. I am glad it is gone, but I have historically not been able to get through much more than a couple of weeks w/out weed.
The summer before last, I managed to quit for three weeks and I felt a sense of poise and clarity for a while, though I was uptight a lot and anxious. I think the hard thing will be not being used to feeling clear and present.
I am also not a high-functioning pot-head due to my other problems, so I need all the extra energy I can get if I want to get through life and really go after the things I want.
I also realized that if I truly want a healthy relationship, then I need to leave my options open and would just as soon find someone who doesn't smoke pot at all. I will never get that chance if I am still at it.
I just feel lonely a lot and that I have failed a lot in life though I have beat other addictions. I can beat this one too. I really hope I can stick with it.
I do not really like the whole 12-step thing too well and have always felt fundamentally at odds with the roots of it and the religious connotations, but I am thinking of going to some NA meetings just to get some support and give me a place to go when I feel like I can't take it anymore. I know this is going to be hard and if i can pull it off, I know my life will change for the better, ultimately.
Thanks for listening.
Cat
I am on day one of no more weed. I have been using marijuana mostly regularly since I was 15. I am now 42 and I no longer want to be a 42 year-old pot head, though my use has slowed down somewhat in that I always just used a little through a vaporizer. But enough's enough. I would be able to go two days and then I'd be fiending for some.
I finally ran out, cannot afford to get any, and don't want any. I could say, "well, i can just smoke it if someone offers it to me," but I know that will lead to me wanting to buy some again. It always has.
I also suffer from depression and have always made this drug part of my cocktail and sometimes I feel miserable and things and then I smoke a little and it's like my mind opens up and I can get a perspective on things or a "grip," but eventually I come down off of that and I am wondering if maybe this has not been exacerbating my depression.
I have a very obsessive mind, too and I am not sure the weed has been helping me. I obsess on things for whole months at times.
I ended a relationship with a 56 year-old pot head about five months ago. He is a "high functioning" pot-head though, and makes good money running his own business and is a successful DJ too that everyone loves in the electronic music scene, but I can tell it is messing with him anyway.
During any argument he was totally irrational, not willing to accept any responsibility for anything, he was somewhat deceitful and of course, everything was all my fault in the end.
I have had a hard time detaching from this relationship, but in deciding to quit weed, I feel it gives me even more of a reason to stay away from this person (at least for a long time as a friend or fellow collaborator for now).
I never would have been able to quit weed if I were still with him.
I have been wanting to quit weed for a lot of years on a deep level. At the same time, I feel it has been one of my best friends and I am not sure how I am going to cope without it.
I have been using it to mask a lot of life stress and depression and loneliness. I use it to change my mood, but wonder if it isn't messing wtih my mood even more.
I suffer from chronic pain and severe headaches as well and was about to go and get a medical marijuana card. But seriously, I can't just use it medicinally, so that is no longer an option.
I am involved in a "scene" of a lot of artists and DJ's and the like and just about everyone I know smokes a LOT of weed. And that's just normal for them. A lot of them are also into doing harder drugs much too often - E, acid, and coke mainly.
I'm just at the point where I am sick of watching everyone get totally baked all the time as if they can't get through a day without it. And most of these people smoke way more than I did.
I used a vaporizer, which just made what I had last longer. I am glad it is gone, but I have historically not been able to get through much more than a couple of weeks w/out weed.
The summer before last, I managed to quit for three weeks and I felt a sense of poise and clarity for a while, though I was uptight a lot and anxious. I think the hard thing will be not being used to feeling clear and present.
I am also not a high-functioning pot-head due to my other problems, so I need all the extra energy I can get if I want to get through life and really go after the things I want.
I also realized that if I truly want a healthy relationship, then I need to leave my options open and would just as soon find someone who doesn't smoke pot at all. I will never get that chance if I am still at it.
I just feel lonely a lot and that I have failed a lot in life though I have beat other addictions. I can beat this one too. I really hope I can stick with it.
I do not really like the whole 12-step thing too well and have always felt fundamentally at odds with the roots of it and the religious connotations, but I am thinking of going to some NA meetings just to get some support and give me a place to go when I feel like I can't take it anymore. I know this is going to be hard and if i can pull it off, I know my life will change for the better, ultimately.
Thanks for listening.
Cat
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,707
I'm glad i go to meetings now. Benzo addiction was the reason i started going.
If we hit meetings and do the step work we are promised a better life.
I too was a pot head for years.
I think you'll enjoy the meetings.
..Joe
If we hit meetings and do the step work we are promised a better life.
I too was a pot head for years.
I think you'll enjoy the meetings.
..Joe
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
Thanks, Joe -
I will give it a try. It can't really hurt.
So, I am sure this goes without saying, but I could really use the inspiration now.
Did you feel increasingly better after you quit weed? What was the difference like?
Thanks,
Cat
I will give it a try. It can't really hurt.
So, I am sure this goes without saying, but I could really use the inspiration now.
Did you feel increasingly better after you quit weed? What was the difference like?
Thanks,
Cat
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Dude, welcome to the board!
I was a big time stoner for years, myself, although it was opioids that finally dragged me down.
I can tell you for sure that YES YOU WILL (for the most part) feel increasingly better after quitting weed, or any other drug for that matter. That stuff can keep you in a bit of a haze for a while after you stop it ... THC being fat-soluble and all that, as I'm sure you already know ... but yeah, give it some time, and get involved in some kinda recovery program, and you CAN do this thing you speak of. There ARE secular recovery groups as well(SMART, Lifering I believe are two of them) that people have success in, maybe check those out. And for my part, I'm an AA/NA goer, yet I'm still a hard-core agnostic bordering on atheist, and likely always will be, so ... go figure!
Good luck, and keep posting
One other thing ... this part:
I have been wanting to quit weed <snip> At the same time, I feel it has been one of my best friends and I am not sure how I am going to cope without it.
I s**t you not, EVERY SINGLE ONE of us addicts/alkies on this board that's clean today (and most likely, in the world) felt/believed EXACTLY the same thing when we were still struggling to quit, or just beginning the recovery process. This is very natural, as I say, we ALL go through this. And you know what? It is bullcrap, it is the DISEASE talking. You CAN LEARN to cope without dope my friend. And it'll turn out to not actually be THAT hard, not as hard as you imagine it will be. Recovery groups can teach you how. Go there. Listen. Learn...
I was a big time stoner for years, myself, although it was opioids that finally dragged me down.
I can tell you for sure that YES YOU WILL (for the most part) feel increasingly better after quitting weed, or any other drug for that matter. That stuff can keep you in a bit of a haze for a while after you stop it ... THC being fat-soluble and all that, as I'm sure you already know ... but yeah, give it some time, and get involved in some kinda recovery program, and you CAN do this thing you speak of. There ARE secular recovery groups as well(SMART, Lifering I believe are two of them) that people have success in, maybe check those out. And for my part, I'm an AA/NA goer, yet I'm still a hard-core agnostic bordering on atheist, and likely always will be, so ... go figure!
Good luck, and keep posting
One other thing ... this part:
I have been wanting to quit weed <snip> At the same time, I feel it has been one of my best friends and I am not sure how I am going to cope without it.
I s**t you not, EVERY SINGLE ONE of us addicts/alkies on this board that's clean today (and most likely, in the world) felt/believed EXACTLY the same thing when we were still struggling to quit, or just beginning the recovery process. This is very natural, as I say, we ALL go through this. And you know what? It is bullcrap, it is the DISEASE talking. You CAN LEARN to cope without dope my friend. And it'll turn out to not actually be THAT hard, not as hard as you imagine it will be. Recovery groups can teach you how. Go there. Listen. Learn...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
Thank you. I am actually a spiritual atheist, and yet I often cry out to the Universe or my higher self, so I think I can go along with the non-secular aspects of the 12-steps.
My father has been in AA for over 25 years, so I know about the meetings as I have been to many myself.
And honestly, I think the repetition of certain helpful phrases is a good one so that people get it and have ready access to these helpful slogans as they can apply to a number of situations.
I think addicts have very insidious thought processes, not just around substances, but other events and situations in life as well. I could use help in simplifying some of the crazy feedback loops that I get into - negative thinking, etc.
It seems to have helped my father and he is not a religious person.
My father has been in AA for over 25 years, so I know about the meetings as I have been to many myself.
And honestly, I think the repetition of certain helpful phrases is a good one so that people get it and have ready access to these helpful slogans as they can apply to a number of situations.
I think addicts have very insidious thought processes, not just around substances, but other events and situations in life as well. I could use help in simplifying some of the crazy feedback loops that I get into - negative thinking, etc.
It seems to have helped my father and he is not a religious person.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Manchester, NJ
Posts: 22
"I know this is going to be hard and if i can pull it off, I know my life will change for the better, ultimately."
My attitude was the hardest thing to change and I often found myself saying things similar to what you said. Knowing recovery meant my life would be better yet finding reasons why I could put it off or avoid it altogether. Even today I sit around sometimes knowing that I could be at a meeting instead of watching Sportcenter for the third time in a row. Or at least doing something more productive for myself.
Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do. Why is it that I know doing project "A" would benefit me yet I find 25 other things to keep me from project"A"? And these 25 things are not really important, they are more like distractions that kill time and at the end of the day I absolve myself of any wrongdoing saying I got so many other things done and just ran out of time. I do these kind of things in all areas of my life. Whether we are talking about the last minute car repairs or putting off that doctor visit or even starting that diet or work out program I spent hours researching online. It doesn't really matter what it is, that is just how I have always been. Going all the back to grade school and doing all my homework at midnight or last minute project work that kept me up all night and drove my parents crazy.
Breaking this down logically it seems that if something is "Good" for me than I very often find reasons to not do it or stick with it. Hell, I don't even like paying bills on time whether I have the extra money in the account or not. In a sense, I have been on a self destruct mission for almost my entire life.
The really strange thing is that when I am at work this is not my personality at all. I am driven to succeed and have been called the "bull in a china shop" on a number of occasions when it comes to getting tasks done. I am the complete opposite in my professional life. So much so that I have received awards, notoriety and promotions as the guy that gets the tough jobs done.
It dawned on me awhile back that my job is something tangible that everyone around me can see and those doctor visits are not. Nobody pats me on the back for paying my bills on time or having the scheduled maintenance on my car done in a timely manner. But if the job meant a bonus that would afford me a new suit and those pats on the back or meant a promotion that put me in a new office with the gold nameplate on the door ... it was a cinch for me to find that motivation.
Do I really not care about myself to the point where I ignore what is good for me yet I thrive in the situations where others can view me as together, healthy or successful? Am I more concerned with what other think of me rather than what I think of myself? Is my accelerated addiction the means of which I have escaped this truth? Recovery would save my life but with it comes the facing of certain truths that I have avoided for a lifetime.
I now have a conscious choice to make! Thanks for making me think.
My attitude was the hardest thing to change and I often found myself saying things similar to what you said. Knowing recovery meant my life would be better yet finding reasons why I could put it off or avoid it altogether. Even today I sit around sometimes knowing that I could be at a meeting instead of watching Sportcenter for the third time in a row. Or at least doing something more productive for myself.
Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do. Why is it that I know doing project "A" would benefit me yet I find 25 other things to keep me from project"A"? And these 25 things are not really important, they are more like distractions that kill time and at the end of the day I absolve myself of any wrongdoing saying I got so many other things done and just ran out of time. I do these kind of things in all areas of my life. Whether we are talking about the last minute car repairs or putting off that doctor visit or even starting that diet or work out program I spent hours researching online. It doesn't really matter what it is, that is just how I have always been. Going all the back to grade school and doing all my homework at midnight or last minute project work that kept me up all night and drove my parents crazy.
Breaking this down logically it seems that if something is "Good" for me than I very often find reasons to not do it or stick with it. Hell, I don't even like paying bills on time whether I have the extra money in the account or not. In a sense, I have been on a self destruct mission for almost my entire life.
The really strange thing is that when I am at work this is not my personality at all. I am driven to succeed and have been called the "bull in a china shop" on a number of occasions when it comes to getting tasks done. I am the complete opposite in my professional life. So much so that I have received awards, notoriety and promotions as the guy that gets the tough jobs done.
It dawned on me awhile back that my job is something tangible that everyone around me can see and those doctor visits are not. Nobody pats me on the back for paying my bills on time or having the scheduled maintenance on my car done in a timely manner. But if the job meant a bonus that would afford me a new suit and those pats on the back or meant a promotion that put me in a new office with the gold nameplate on the door ... it was a cinch for me to find that motivation.
Do I really not care about myself to the point where I ignore what is good for me yet I thrive in the situations where others can view me as together, healthy or successful? Am I more concerned with what other think of me rather than what I think of myself? Is my accelerated addiction the means of which I have escaped this truth? Recovery would save my life but with it comes the facing of certain truths that I have avoided for a lifetime.
I now have a conscious choice to make! Thanks for making me think.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
Self-sabotage is one of my problems. I'm an artist and yet I can only seem to complete a project when it is expected of me by others. Then I totally excel.
I do all kinds of things to waste my time including looking up silly things on the Internet, watching the same movies over again when i could be enriching my mind with a good book instead.
Many of the things I do are to just numb out. I am hoping that quitting the weed will help me get in focus and change my energy and make me realize these things more.
I am making a little progress though. I am keeping my place cleaner and getting my bills taken care of. The biggest thing for me is getting my surroundings in order.
I also work from home so I need to make sure I am organized better there too.
My art is the one thing I really want to get moving in the right way and I want to take a year to just work on myself and old patterns and start attracting better things and people into my life.
It's time to heal these things.
I just get used to dealing with dysfunctional types and I also want healthier, more progressive things in my life.
I have dated no one except other addicts and alcoholics and while some of my friends are fine being addicts, etc and dating others like them and seem to have fairly happy relationships and are high-functioning, I don't really want that. I know too much and it gets to me.
What I really want is self-discipline so I can get somewhere. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I think the root of it is some kind of self-sabotage really. Maybe fear - maybe low self-esteem.
I do all kinds of things to waste my time including looking up silly things on the Internet, watching the same movies over again when i could be enriching my mind with a good book instead.
Many of the things I do are to just numb out. I am hoping that quitting the weed will help me get in focus and change my energy and make me realize these things more.
I am making a little progress though. I am keeping my place cleaner and getting my bills taken care of. The biggest thing for me is getting my surroundings in order.
I also work from home so I need to make sure I am organized better there too.
My art is the one thing I really want to get moving in the right way and I want to take a year to just work on myself and old patterns and start attracting better things and people into my life.
It's time to heal these things.
I just get used to dealing with dysfunctional types and I also want healthier, more progressive things in my life.
I have dated no one except other addicts and alcoholics and while some of my friends are fine being addicts, etc and dating others like them and seem to have fairly happy relationships and are high-functioning, I don't really want that. I know too much and it gets to me.
What I really want is self-discipline so I can get somewhere. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I think the root of it is some kind of self-sabotage really. Maybe fear - maybe low self-esteem.
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
I can relate...quitting the weed may really help with the motivation..
One thing I was thinking when I read your post...is that you need to get out of the house sometimes and look at a different perspective..I get stuck in my house sometimes.
I mean it sobriety is not really so much about being organized and "pulled together" for me sometimes as it is about being able to accept myself...my situation...and everyone else...JUST the way I am right now...
when I can do that growth seems to follow..
I have just found it is really not about outside things...its about me ..
The weed is just a symptom..
keep posting
love nroth
One thing I was thinking when I read your post...is that you need to get out of the house sometimes and look at a different perspective..I get stuck in my house sometimes.
I mean it sobriety is not really so much about being organized and "pulled together" for me sometimes as it is about being able to accept myself...my situation...and everyone else...JUST the way I am right now...
when I can do that growth seems to follow..
I have just found it is really not about outside things...its about me ..
The weed is just a symptom..
keep posting
love nroth
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Hi Cat, sounds like we have a lot in common. I started smoking pot when I was 15 and used it to self-medicate my mental problems. I've been trying to quit smoking (and drinking) for close to a decade now, and have never managed more than 2 months, and most attempts have ended in a number of days or weeks. I am also an atheist and have had problems with AA/NA, especially the dogmatically theistic folks, which seem to dominate meetings, atleast in my part of the country. You might check out the secular programs like LifeRing and SMART. F2f meetings are sparse in most parts of the country, but they both have online meetings, forums, and e-support groups. Although, you might find a meeting or two in Denver. I'd also like to invite you to visit our secular forum here at SR, Secular Connections. Nice to meet you and welcome to SR!
DK
DK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by northbelle 
I can relate...quitting the weed may really help with the motivation..
One thing I was thinking when I read your post...is that you need to get out of the house sometimes and look at a different perspective..I get stuck in my house sometimes.
love nroth
One thing I was thinking when I read your post...is that you need to get out of the house sometimes and look at a different perspective..I get stuck in my house sometimes.
love nroth
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