On Doing It My Way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Berea,Ohio
Posts: 397
On Doing It My Way
Lately, I just want to live my life.Yes, I am still sober, and am happy with it.I still value my sobriety, I am just sick of doing things a certain way.I am in a treatment program/aftercare.I take Suboxone.A BIG Part of me really wants off of it.I was taken off Cymbalta a couple weeks ago, and have had no problems.I know that my pill addiction was based on a physical need.I hated it the whole time.I weeded out the bad elements/people in my life.Now, I am happy.I have a new job, am working on my wedding, and just want to live my life.I have made so many important changes in the last five years, and have made mistakes, but I learned from them.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't wanna do AA or NA anymore.The hypocrisy involved with it, I am over it.I am on meds for my pill addiction,and he program doesn't approve.People say, just don't mention it, or something to that effect, but that is bullpoop to me.I am not comfortable or happy with it anymore.I would like to just find an addictions therapist, and work on it, my way.I do have that right.My addiction issues go deeper than a drug.It has to do with food, and the lack of love I had all my childhood.Self Medicating is normal for someone who has been constantly abandoned and abused.I have healed in many ways, I just don't want anyone getting on my case for doing it differently.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't wanna do AA or NA anymore.The hypocrisy involved with it, I am over it.I am on meds for my pill addiction,and he program doesn't approve.People say, just don't mention it, or something to that effect, but that is bullpoop to me.I am not comfortable or happy with it anymore.I would like to just find an addictions therapist, and work on it, my way.I do have that right.My addiction issues go deeper than a drug.It has to do with food, and the lack of love I had all my childhood.Self Medicating is normal for someone who has been constantly abandoned and abused.I have healed in many ways, I just don't want anyone getting on my case for doing it differently.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: colorado springs
Posts: 123
thank god somebody else said this here- and we'll prob be ostracized form the website for bashing NA - but I have a big problem with the 2nd step, is it- that you are powerless over your addiction. I can tell you that i was as far gone with mine as anybody else here, but I did have control over it- just a matter of willpower, and of wanting so bad to stop doing something. It was far from easy, but I wouldnt say that I didnt have power over it- who doesnt if they want to stop bad enough??
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: cape cod
Posts: 2,320
Let me start off by saying I do attend a twelve step program. I am not a fanatic, but it has really helped me in early sobriety.
Let me also say that what you wrote sounds not so much like a pooh pooh to AA or NA, but the beginnings of stinking thinking that could spiral into thinking you can handle everything alone. I've learned a lot about this disease. You may not want a 12 step program, but your thoughts are leaning towards a dark path you shouldn't travel alone.
Be mad if you want; I don't know you personally; it's just an observation from a fellow addict who worries about her peers.
Let me also say that what you wrote sounds not so much like a pooh pooh to AA or NA, but the beginnings of stinking thinking that could spiral into thinking you can handle everything alone. I've learned a lot about this disease. You may not want a 12 step program, but your thoughts are leaning towards a dark path you shouldn't travel alone.
Be mad if you want; I don't know you personally; it's just an observation from a fellow addict who worries about her peers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
There will always be neighsayers and poopoo folks in NA and AA both when it comes to medications.
Personally, I have learned the hard way that I suffer from chronic depression. It was suggested early on in my recovery (shortly after the 1st year) that I consider medication. I said absolutely not.
I relapsed after 4 years, and was blessed to get into recovery again.
At about 3 years clean/sober the second time around, I realized that if I had a gun, I would have stuck it in my mouth and pulled the trigger.
I was active in AA, attending meetings, working the steps, sponsoring others and had my own sponsor.
That's when I finally decided to listen to the doctor and accept I am one of those with a chemical imbalance who may well be on an antidepressant the rest of my life.
Today I can accept that, and I'll be damned if I let the neighsayers in AA cheat me out of my recovery.
The antidepressants are NOT a cure-all to my problem, but rather help me live a full life along with my active participation in my recovery and AA.
Personally, I have learned the hard way that I suffer from chronic depression. It was suggested early on in my recovery (shortly after the 1st year) that I consider medication. I said absolutely not.
I relapsed after 4 years, and was blessed to get into recovery again.
At about 3 years clean/sober the second time around, I realized that if I had a gun, I would have stuck it in my mouth and pulled the trigger.
I was active in AA, attending meetings, working the steps, sponsoring others and had my own sponsor.
That's when I finally decided to listen to the doctor and accept I am one of those with a chemical imbalance who may well be on an antidepressant the rest of my life.
Today I can accept that, and I'll be damned if I let the neighsayers in AA cheat me out of my recovery.
The antidepressants are NOT a cure-all to my problem, but rather help me live a full life along with my active participation in my recovery and AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Berea,Ohio
Posts: 397
My thinking is the most straight it has ever been.No, I don't think I can do it on my own.I would not be here today, if I did it on my own.I have learned a great deal from people who are both in the program and out.
On March 11th, it will have been five years since I had weight loss surgery that changed me forever.I had to relearn how to live my life.The person I was before that surgery, is dead and gone.I had to learn so many things about life in this new body, really quick.It was like being reborn and having only a few years to live my lifetime all over again.It was wild.I had to grieve the loss of my former self too.I also lost my mom, two months after surgery.Allot changed, all for the better.
I know there are those who will pound "The Program" down my throat, and tell me I am setting myself up to fall, but you know what?? The more I hear about that, the more I realize it is not for me.There are thousands of people who stay clean without it.I have read books on living sober without AA or NA.I just don't feel it is my path for my recovery.I have many people who I have given my trust to, who are a great support system for my sober life.I have God in my life, and I am grateful for all the miracles in my life.
So, if you wanna jot down your thoughts on my choices, fire away.What works for one, does not work for all, so please remember that before you start preaching.
On March 11th, it will have been five years since I had weight loss surgery that changed me forever.I had to relearn how to live my life.The person I was before that surgery, is dead and gone.I had to learn so many things about life in this new body, really quick.It was like being reborn and having only a few years to live my lifetime all over again.It was wild.I had to grieve the loss of my former self too.I also lost my mom, two months after surgery.Allot changed, all for the better.
I know there are those who will pound "The Program" down my throat, and tell me I am setting myself up to fall, but you know what?? The more I hear about that, the more I realize it is not for me.There are thousands of people who stay clean without it.I have read books on living sober without AA or NA.I just don't feel it is my path for my recovery.I have many people who I have given my trust to, who are a great support system for my sober life.I have God in my life, and I am grateful for all the miracles in my life.
So, if you wanna jot down your thoughts on my choices, fire away.What works for one, does not work for all, so please remember that before you start preaching.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: colorado springs
Posts: 123
hey, i totally recognize that NA is beneficial and would even go as far to say necessary for some, I am just saying that the statement that you are powerless over your addiction was false for me, and i think it may be false for a lot of others.
I think will-power can be a strong thing, stronger than an addiction. And I'll tell you, I didn't have any dime-store habit- I was wired to the eyeballs on mega doses of oxycontin for 2 years- straight up the nose, with no breaks.
I think that any way people can get help and support is beneficial, be it NA/AA meetings or whatever. I found a great deal of support on this site, and it really helped me to log on here and listen to everybody's stories. I still log on constantly, to remind myself of where I was and why I don't want to go back. I just think its a cop-out to say everybody would have no control over something, or that recovery is impossible without meetings.
I think will-power can be a strong thing, stronger than an addiction. And I'll tell you, I didn't have any dime-store habit- I was wired to the eyeballs on mega doses of oxycontin for 2 years- straight up the nose, with no breaks.
I think that any way people can get help and support is beneficial, be it NA/AA meetings or whatever. I found a great deal of support on this site, and it really helped me to log on here and listen to everybody's stories. I still log on constantly, to remind myself of where I was and why I don't want to go back. I just think its a cop-out to say everybody would have no control over something, or that recovery is impossible without meetings.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
hairgirl,
I have tried staying clean w/out meetings and I did for 8 yrs, but when I relapsed, I was glad to have the meetings to go to. Recently I did see my DOC and looked at it, picked it up and even thought about how i didn't want to use....and then I thought of returning to the meeting room having to say I used AGAIN! So in a sense, that helped me. I also thought about how depressed I would feel.
So, that is my thought on the matter, but you really have to do what works for you. I am glad if you can do it w/out meeting support, I pray you do well!
blessings, Sheila
I have tried staying clean w/out meetings and I did for 8 yrs, but when I relapsed, I was glad to have the meetings to go to. Recently I did see my DOC and looked at it, picked it up and even thought about how i didn't want to use....and then I thought of returning to the meeting room having to say I used AGAIN! So in a sense, that helped me. I also thought about how depressed I would feel.
So, that is my thought on the matter, but you really have to do what works for you. I am glad if you can do it w/out meeting support, I pray you do well!
blessings, Sheila
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
What works for one, does not work for all, so please remember that before you start preaching.
It does not hurt my sobriety one way or the other if you choose 12 step or not. But what I do suggest to you is that whatever choice you make, you make it with your heart, not an angry head that is upset about the way you feel you have been treated.
Reservations, are waiting to kill us, 12 stepper or not.
I wish you the best and I will say again, I am a firm believer in as long as you are clean and happy, you can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of your day, then go for it, whatever works.
Blessings to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: cape cod
Posts: 2,320
Here's where I step off this thread. You say (and I know who you mean) about judging. I do not judge or preach lest I be judged myself. I've met some real aholes in 12 step programs. I've also met some outside the halls. But just as you say people cram the 12 step program down your throat, you paint it in a nasty and very general manner.
Just as not all people like NA or AA or wish to join and that's fine you have no right to preach about how bad and hypocritical the fellowship is either. Remember the golden rule.
Best of luck. You may be sober in body; in spirit, the jury's out. To me, you just sound angry.
Just as not all people like NA or AA or wish to join and that's fine you have no right to preach about how bad and hypocritical the fellowship is either. Remember the golden rule.
Best of luck. You may be sober in body; in spirit, the jury's out. To me, you just sound angry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 381
I've had not needed AA or 12steps and I have done it my own way.......> so far so good...> no complaints. I have attended a handful of meetings and I did not see a connection....> not something I felt I wanted to be involved in.
I am grateful for all I learned in rehab.
The important thing for me was to understand and accept that using isn't an option. I just live my life and handle whatever opportunities and setbacks come along with it without resorting back to "old habits".
As for being powerless.........> sorry, I am not, never been.
I didn't get that from the original post. Didn't she say she wanted to work with an addiction therapist?
Sometimes changing your environment is a good thing...> even if that means trying some other than AA....> it's all part of the journey ....> and growth....> just keep recovery in the forefront of my mind.
I am grateful for all I learned in rehab.
The important thing for me was to understand and accept that using isn't an option. I just live my life and handle whatever opportunities and setbacks come along with it without resorting back to "old habits".
As for being powerless.........> sorry, I am not, never been.
You may not want a 12 step program, but your thoughts are leaning towards a dark path you shouldn't travel alone.
Sometimes changing your environment is a good thing...> even if that means trying some other than AA....> it's all part of the journey ....> and growth....> just keep recovery in the forefront of my mind.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 533
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
just watch which way your feet are taking you......as long as YOU are on YOUR recovery path, who gives a rip what anybody else thinks? for lots of people there's safety in numbers, thus AA, NA, etc.....but it's not the only way and absolutely NOTHING is guaranteed. just make sure you put wheels on your recovery tool kit and drag it along with ya wherever you go!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
This is just my experience.
I was heavily abusing narcotics, and got clean in AA/NA. I did well until I met a guy there, got involved (my way) and he introduced me to crack. The narcotics I gave up without withdrawals, cravings, etc. Crack brought me down hard.
I stayed semi-clean for close to a year, then relapsed. In 4 days, I will have one year clean. I do not go to meetings at this time. I do, however, still apply a lot of what I learned in the rooms in my recovery, as well as what I learned in treatment.
What I am doing now works for me, right now. If it stops working, I will do whatever I need to do to stay clean...and for that reason I know exactly where and what times meetings are close to where I live.
I have nothing against AA/NA, and am grateful for the months that I spent there. I have many friends who attend meetings, and meet people all the time that are "friend's of Bill's". I still say many of the slogans that I heard there, because in my case, they're right. I will not hesitate to go to a meeting if I need to.
Recovery is an individual thing, but I have learned a lot from the folks here and f2f that attend meetings. Personally, I don't think anyone here is trying to "preach"..they are expressing their opinions and what works for them.
I do think you sound defensive and a bit angry, and I'm not sure why. I've been on here for months, and most people know I don't attend meetings, but I've never had anyone "shove" AA down my throat.
I wish you the best in what works for you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was heavily abusing narcotics, and got clean in AA/NA. I did well until I met a guy there, got involved (my way) and he introduced me to crack. The narcotics I gave up without withdrawals, cravings, etc. Crack brought me down hard.
I stayed semi-clean for close to a year, then relapsed. In 4 days, I will have one year clean. I do not go to meetings at this time. I do, however, still apply a lot of what I learned in the rooms in my recovery, as well as what I learned in treatment.
What I am doing now works for me, right now. If it stops working, I will do whatever I need to do to stay clean...and for that reason I know exactly where and what times meetings are close to where I live.
I have nothing against AA/NA, and am grateful for the months that I spent there. I have many friends who attend meetings, and meet people all the time that are "friend's of Bill's". I still say many of the slogans that I heard there, because in my case, they're right. I will not hesitate to go to a meeting if I need to.
Recovery is an individual thing, but I have learned a lot from the folks here and f2f that attend meetings. Personally, I don't think anyone here is trying to "preach"..they are expressing their opinions and what works for them.
I do think you sound defensive and a bit angry, and I'm not sure why. I've been on here for months, and most people know I don't attend meetings, but I've never had anyone "shove" AA down my throat.
I wish you the best in what works for you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: United states
Posts: 200
Celebrating 4 months sobriety today
I haven't logged on here for awhile. I am maintaining sobriety and have improved in my thinking and actions. I did go to AA and got a sponsor in the early days but haven't been to a meeting in over a month. My sponsor has also not called during this time. I haven't really formed an opinion on this change in my involvement with AA. It was crucial the first 6-8 weeks but as I gained control I found I did not want to hear about alcohol problems anymore. I know that I am not cured and that I won't be really. I still think about having a drink but I keep remembering how I felt when I was drinking too much. I think about "controlled" drinking but what if that backfires and I am back at square one. I work through this in my mind and the delay and self talk are keeping me on the wagon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Berea,Ohio
Posts: 397
I did learn allot from meetings.I still talk to a "sponsor" regularly.She doesn't go to meetings either.For me, I just feel it is not "it". I do strongly feel a different approach needs to be taken with med assisted recovery.It is far too confusing to people, like me who listen to the message of the program, and are not living it.That is where the hypocrisy comes in, I feel like I am living the lie.There should be more group outlets available to med assisted recovery.
I recently read in Newsweek, that recovery is taking a very new approach and many changes will happen over the next ten years.There may even be a vaccine for some facets of addiction.With the progress made scientifically, times are changing.You cannot put a bunch of medications on the market for addiction treatment, and then tell these people to go somewhere where it is frowned upon.We need to catch up with the progress.This is where I was coming from originally.Sorry if anyone thought I was bashing the program.I am not, it did allot of good for me, and if someone is new to any type of recovery, they should use it as a resource, with the proper knowledge.
I recently read in Newsweek, that recovery is taking a very new approach and many changes will happen over the next ten years.There may even be a vaccine for some facets of addiction.With the progress made scientifically, times are changing.You cannot put a bunch of medications on the market for addiction treatment, and then tell these people to go somewhere where it is frowned upon.We need to catch up with the progress.This is where I was coming from originally.Sorry if anyone thought I was bashing the program.I am not, it did allot of good for me, and if someone is new to any type of recovery, they should use it as a resource, with the proper knowledge.
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Hairgirl,
I think it's important for us to do whatever we believe is in our best interest. I agree wholeheartedly with Anvilhead...just make sure you're doing YOU. If I'm not mistaken, I believe we've discussed drug replacement programs and how they relate to NA in the past. I also believe we had a discussion on the difference between the program and the fellowship - as it relates to the same. Too bad you're not in my area, because I'm sure you'd be welcomed and loved here. What I'm getting from your words is, that's not the case where you are. Some people (in and out of NA) can be so closed-minded. It's unfortunate. My only suggestion would be that you follow your heart (not your head) and keep your options open. I wish you the best.
I'd just like to add a comment about powerlessness. In the 1st Step of NA, it says, "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." For me, it's not a lie or a stretch to say that addiction ruled my life at one time. It's also not a lie or a stretch to say that there was a time when I was out of control and unable to stop using drugs. During this time, I was in fact, powerless. Had I not been powerless, I would not have needed rehab, treatment or a program. I would've had the power to not become addicted in the first place. I could go much, much further on how the 1st step is misunderstood or misinterpreted, but it'll be beating a dead horse.
What I will say, in closing, is that self-righteousness is hardly ever pretty. No one has the right to shove their beliefs down your throat. I am an NA member and I work the steps. NA worked for me and is still working - whether I needed it or wanted it is irrelevant. It just did and does. That's my experience.
Best wishes.
I think it's important for us to do whatever we believe is in our best interest. I agree wholeheartedly with Anvilhead...just make sure you're doing YOU. If I'm not mistaken, I believe we've discussed drug replacement programs and how they relate to NA in the past. I also believe we had a discussion on the difference between the program and the fellowship - as it relates to the same. Too bad you're not in my area, because I'm sure you'd be welcomed and loved here. What I'm getting from your words is, that's not the case where you are. Some people (in and out of NA) can be so closed-minded. It's unfortunate. My only suggestion would be that you follow your heart (not your head) and keep your options open. I wish you the best.
I'd just like to add a comment about powerlessness. In the 1st Step of NA, it says, "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." For me, it's not a lie or a stretch to say that addiction ruled my life at one time. It's also not a lie or a stretch to say that there was a time when I was out of control and unable to stop using drugs. During this time, I was in fact, powerless. Had I not been powerless, I would not have needed rehab, treatment or a program. I would've had the power to not become addicted in the first place. I could go much, much further on how the 1st step is misunderstood or misinterpreted, but it'll be beating a dead horse.
What I will say, in closing, is that self-righteousness is hardly ever pretty. No one has the right to shove their beliefs down your throat. I am an NA member and I work the steps. NA worked for me and is still working - whether I needed it or wanted it is irrelevant. It just did and does. That's my experience.
Best wishes.
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