Lostandlost

I realized last nite i have a cocaine addiction! my car has been repoed due to me spending my money on drugs! i tried to save money to get a new one and last night i blew the money on drugs! sometimes it almost feel like im my own worst enemy! I have no one to depend on! The thing is i know i have no one yet i put myself in situations where im hurting myself! at work im not really performing and yesterday i was put on a final warning! Right now im crying becuz i keep doing this to myself! i believe in god and believe their is purpose for my life but im afraid im going to throw away my own blessing! I literally have no way to work and last night i spend the money for my car on drugs! Im lost within myself and i pray i find my way out! my life hasnt been fair but everytime god blesses me i ruin it! no one knows i have a addiction, no one knows i cry myself to sleep and no one knows im lost!

Marcus

Sorry to hear that lost. Ever been to a Cocaine Anonymous OR Narcotics Anonymous meeting? Trying to climb out of the hole you are in on your own can be difficult. I guarantee you will find people there who have been right where you are. I blew my kids college money on drugs. If that does not make you feel like the ultimate loser I don't know what does.

Once you get yourself into the cycle of addiction it usually continues to repeat itself with the consequences getting worse and worse. I would have a little time sober and things were going in the right direction, but all it takes is one bad night / weekend for it all to come crashing down again. I really hope you reach out for help. Coming here is a good first start. Keep your head up!

Lostandlost

thats basically wat happened last night i spent the money i was suppose to use for a down payment on coke! i messed up and now i just pray i can fix it!today im just sitting in the house crying! im tired of doing this to myself!
but thank u soo much for ur words of encouragement! who ever u are kno that ur words were greatly appreciated today

CarolD

Lost....
you could take a bus to the nearest CA or NA meeting
you could call them and see if they have someone to come talk
with you.

I've managed to attend meetings without having a car for years.
Please don't sit around without taking action..

LucyLondon

Hi Lost, I came to a similar realization about myself very recently too, I really hope you overcome your addiction and change your life so you feel happy and positive , big hugs.