Nearly 6 months alcohol free and feeling lonely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
Nearly 6 months alcohol free and feeling lonely.
Hi All,
This is my first post here after making the decision to stop drinking on April 30th this year (2017). I made the decision after being diagnosed with a condition of the esophagus called Barrett's Esophagus. Having Barrett's increases the risk of developing esophageal adenocarcinoma, which is a serious, potentially fatal cancer of the esophagus.
I'm embarrassed to say that it took me nearly 2 years from the time of diagnosis to make the decision to stop for good. Thankfully I did finally decide and thankfully after my last endoscopy a few weeks ago there was no change in the appearance or the pathology.
As someone who has been a fairly big drinker since my teens, this was a big decision however when faced with the possibility of terminal cancer, the decision finally became clear.
With that said, I have been alcohol-free for nearly 6 months. To be honest, this has been the easy bit. I was amazed at how easy I actually found it. I feel that this was due to my 100% non-negotiable decision. I have heard others mention how powerful decisions like this can be and now understand why.
Whilst actually giving up the drink has been the easy part, I have felt very isolated and alone. The unfortunate part is that nearly every single person I know is a drinker and I have found myself wanting to distance myself from them as I no longer enjoy the environment that surrounds most social occasions that involve alcohol. I really don't like what alcohol does to most people and yes that would have been me as well. I know many people who are wonderful caring people when they are sober who become complete a$$holes after a few drinks.
Despite the social challenges, I truly consider that my decision to give up alcohol to be a complete blessing in disguise. It is amazing how much better my life has gotten in the past 5+ months. I have gone back to a near daily meditation ritual which is wonderful. I have become a much more patient and calm individual. I feel that I am far more connected to my wife and 3 awesome kids. I have also dropped about 8KG so far and am now doing weights 3 days a week.
Hopefully, my decision will dramatically reduce any possibility of ever getting cancer and will enable me to live a long, happy & prosperous life.
I look forward to meeting other like-minded individuals on this forum in the months & years to come.
Brett.
This is my first post here after making the decision to stop drinking on April 30th this year (2017). I made the decision after being diagnosed with a condition of the esophagus called Barrett's Esophagus. Having Barrett's increases the risk of developing esophageal adenocarcinoma, which is a serious, potentially fatal cancer of the esophagus.
I'm embarrassed to say that it took me nearly 2 years from the time of diagnosis to make the decision to stop for good. Thankfully I did finally decide and thankfully after my last endoscopy a few weeks ago there was no change in the appearance or the pathology.
As someone who has been a fairly big drinker since my teens, this was a big decision however when faced with the possibility of terminal cancer, the decision finally became clear.
With that said, I have been alcohol-free for nearly 6 months. To be honest, this has been the easy bit. I was amazed at how easy I actually found it. I feel that this was due to my 100% non-negotiable decision. I have heard others mention how powerful decisions like this can be and now understand why.
Whilst actually giving up the drink has been the easy part, I have felt very isolated and alone. The unfortunate part is that nearly every single person I know is a drinker and I have found myself wanting to distance myself from them as I no longer enjoy the environment that surrounds most social occasions that involve alcohol. I really don't like what alcohol does to most people and yes that would have been me as well. I know many people who are wonderful caring people when they are sober who become complete a$$holes after a few drinks.
Despite the social challenges, I truly consider that my decision to give up alcohol to be a complete blessing in disguise. It is amazing how much better my life has gotten in the past 5+ months. I have gone back to a near daily meditation ritual which is wonderful. I have become a much more patient and calm individual. I feel that I am far more connected to my wife and 3 awesome kids. I have also dropped about 8KG so far and am now doing weights 3 days a week.
Hopefully, my decision will dramatically reduce any possibility of ever getting cancer and will enable me to live a long, happy & prosperous life.
I look forward to meeting other like-minded individuals on this forum in the months & years to come.
Brett.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Welcome to SR Brett -
Congrats on 6 months & all the other life changes you're making.
Sometimes making new friends takes a little longer. I think that is one reason why AA is so helpful - you get an immediate sober network for those early days.
You sound very active - do have any sports/hobbies that you enjoy and can join a club to start meeting new activity partners? Attend meditation groups/classes?
Volunteering is another way to make new connections.
FWIW - After a year of not drinking, some of my normal drinker friends accepted that I wasn't going to hang out over beers and supported my lifestyle change by being willing to do other things than meet up for a beer. In part, I think meeting up for a beer is just a easy social outing that doesn't require as much thought as making other plans. They just didn't get why it was a big deal for me for me at first and it took a while to let it sink in.
In retrospect I think my sobriety is stronger by having that social gap and making new social connections with people who just know me as a non-drinker.
SR is a great resource to connect with people too
Congrats on 6 months & all the other life changes you're making.
Sometimes making new friends takes a little longer. I think that is one reason why AA is so helpful - you get an immediate sober network for those early days.
You sound very active - do have any sports/hobbies that you enjoy and can join a club to start meeting new activity partners? Attend meditation groups/classes?
Volunteering is another way to make new connections.
FWIW - After a year of not drinking, some of my normal drinker friends accepted that I wasn't going to hang out over beers and supported my lifestyle change by being willing to do other things than meet up for a beer. In part, I think meeting up for a beer is just a easy social outing that doesn't require as much thought as making other plans. They just didn't get why it was a big deal for me for me at first and it took a while to let it sink in.
In retrospect I think my sobriety is stronger by having that social gap and making new social connections with people who just know me as a non-drinker.
SR is a great resource to connect with people too
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Brett
For many years my life, and the regular faces in it, revolved around alcohol.
I knew if I wanted to stay sober I needed to build a sober life I loved.
It took a little time, but like SE suggests, it's worth it - hobbies, interests sports, volunteering - all those things can bring new people into your life...
and if you identify as a non drinker from the get go so much the better - you'll meet a lot of people who drink sparingly or not at
all, and the connections you make won't be reliant on alcohol.
D.
For many years my life, and the regular faces in it, revolved around alcohol.
I knew if I wanted to stay sober I needed to build a sober life I loved.
It took a little time, but like SE suggests, it's worth it - hobbies, interests sports, volunteering - all those things can bring new people into your life...
and if you identify as a non drinker from the get go so much the better - you'll meet a lot of people who drink sparingly or not at
all, and the connections you make won't be reliant on alcohol.
D.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
Hi Serene & Dee,
Thanks so much for your warm welcome and advice.
I sincerely appreciate you both taking the time to share your perspectives.
To be honest I'm not sure if it's my brain chemistry re-adjusting still to no alcohol or what it may be but I just feel a bit flat and don't feel like socialising much anyway ATM. Don't get me wrong I love interacting with good people but the thought of actually getting there is a bit of a challenge. I'm sure this will pass. I've been trying lots of supplements to try and get my brain back on track. I'm still getting a fair bit of brain fog which I'd love to get rid of. I'm sure this will come with time.
Thanks again for your welcome. :-)
Thanks so much for your warm welcome and advice.
I sincerely appreciate you both taking the time to share your perspectives.
To be honest I'm not sure if it's my brain chemistry re-adjusting still to no alcohol or what it may be but I just feel a bit flat and don't feel like socialising much anyway ATM. Don't get me wrong I love interacting with good people but the thought of actually getting there is a bit of a challenge. I'm sure this will pass. I've been trying lots of supplements to try and get my brain back on track. I'm still getting a fair bit of brain fog which I'd love to get rid of. I'm sure this will come with time.
Thanks again for your welcome. :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Hi Brett -
Yes, my brain fog stayed with me for a while too. I thought it would never go away, but thankfully the body heals!
I also had to learn how to socialize for the first time in my life without a drink. It takes some experimentation and some practice before it starts to feel normal, but it will click - just be gentle with yourself until then.
You may notice that some of your interests change too. When I was drinking I was a night owl and loved music. Now I love getting up early on a Saturday, going to the farmers market and hosting a drop in potluck every Sunday night. I had to try out new things until I found out what I enjoyed sober. Finding those things also makes the flat feeling start to go away.
There should be a Daily thread on SR that corresponds to your sober month with folks at your same stage of recovery who sharing tips/daily life happenings, etc. You are welcome to join the group, just introduce yourself on your first post. I highly recommend it for sharing and getting support for what you are working on in recovery. It makes it easier.
Yes, my brain fog stayed with me for a while too. I thought it would never go away, but thankfully the body heals!
I also had to learn how to socialize for the first time in my life without a drink. It takes some experimentation and some practice before it starts to feel normal, but it will click - just be gentle with yourself until then.
You may notice that some of your interests change too. When I was drinking I was a night owl and loved music. Now I love getting up early on a Saturday, going to the farmers market and hosting a drop in potluck every Sunday night. I had to try out new things until I found out what I enjoyed sober. Finding those things also makes the flat feeling start to go away.
There should be a Daily thread on SR that corresponds to your sober month with folks at your same stage of recovery who sharing tips/daily life happenings, etc. You are welcome to join the group, just introduce yourself on your first post.
I highly recommend it for sharing and getting support for what you are working on in recovery. It makes it easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
Thanks again Serene for your sound advice. I'm sure with time everything will eventually become my new normal. Also thanks for the suggestion about the daily thread. I will try and find it. It's great to get some reassurance from others who have been through it already. Thanks again.
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