I can't tell anyone else, so I'll tell you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
I can't tell anyone else, so I'll tell you.
Hello, my name is Jason. I'm a 28 year old veteran with a drinking problem. I've been reading for the past hour, and I think this site could be very helpful in my own struggle with addiction.
For the past year or so, I've been wanting to "cut down." (though I now realize I've had a problem for about the past 4 years) In the best of times, I can keep to about 8-12 beers a day, three days out of the week. At my worst, I average 14 a day, 7 days a week. I quit liquor about a year ago after almost being arrested or seriously injured on multiple repeated occasions. I was amazed at how much I can relate to almost every single person I've seen in this newbie forum. Some examples:
- I conveniently forget why I want to quit after a few days
- I trick myself into thinking my habits are normal
- I have what I now call the "little kid" in my brain that's always begging, pleading, or "reasoning" with me
- I feel unnatural after a few days of sobriety.. living surreal days
- I feel like I deserve a drink after a hard week or day
- I realize that probably 95% of my drinking is out of bordem
- I lost all interest in past hobbies
The list goes on. In my head, I know that I can lead a perfectly happy life without ever having another sip of alcohol. But, as I'm sure all of you have experienced, there is a very clear difference between knowing something and truly believing it. That's kind of where I'm at now.. The part of my brain that knows I need to quit is getting louder and louder. The more friends I lose, the more my health declines, the more money I spend, it just gets louder.
I think I'm ready to finally do it. I'm done feebly attempting (and failing) to cut back. I know now that I can't control myself after that first sip. All of that said.. I look forward to talking with all of you.
For the past year or so, I've been wanting to "cut down." (though I now realize I've had a problem for about the past 4 years) In the best of times, I can keep to about 8-12 beers a day, three days out of the week. At my worst, I average 14 a day, 7 days a week. I quit liquor about a year ago after almost being arrested or seriously injured on multiple repeated occasions. I was amazed at how much I can relate to almost every single person I've seen in this newbie forum. Some examples:
- I conveniently forget why I want to quit after a few days
- I trick myself into thinking my habits are normal
- I have what I now call the "little kid" in my brain that's always begging, pleading, or "reasoning" with me
- I feel unnatural after a few days of sobriety.. living surreal days
- I feel like I deserve a drink after a hard week or day
- I realize that probably 95% of my drinking is out of bordem
- I lost all interest in past hobbies
The list goes on. In my head, I know that I can lead a perfectly happy life without ever having another sip of alcohol. But, as I'm sure all of you have experienced, there is a very clear difference between knowing something and truly believing it. That's kind of where I'm at now.. The part of my brain that knows I need to quit is getting louder and louder. The more friends I lose, the more my health declines, the more money I spend, it just gets louder.
I think I'm ready to finally do it. I'm done feebly attempting (and failing) to cut back. I know now that I can't control myself after that first sip. All of that said.. I look forward to talking with all of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
Jason, thanks for you service. A lot of support here man. Also a great place to kill some time when the boredom sets in. As for the hobbies, I lose interest too when I drink, because drinking is an all consuming hobby. For me interest in the healthier hobbies miraculously reappears after sobriety sets in. Stick around and let us know how you are doing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Jason - welcome to the group!
Glad you've decided you want to get sober. I had to drag myself kicking and screaming into sobriety, but coming here really helped me keep going, one day at a time. After a while, it felt normal to be sober and now I can't imagine going back. It's such a vicious, horrible cycle.
Keep reading and posting!
Glad you've decided you want to get sober. I had to drag myself kicking and screaming into sobriety, but coming here really helped me keep going, one day at a time. After a while, it felt normal to be sober and now I can't imagine going back. It's such a vicious, horrible cycle.
Keep reading and posting!
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Welcome Jason,
You've definitely come to the right place. There's so much support here, its amazing.
It's a great step in the right direction to recognize and acknowledge how your alcoholic mind works. Keep listening to that voice thats getting louder and louder. It's you wanting a better life for yourself.
You've definitely come to the right place. There's so much support here, its amazing.
It's a great step in the right direction to recognize and acknowledge how your alcoholic mind works. Keep listening to that voice thats getting louder and louder. It's you wanting a better life for yourself.
I love this place.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 329
Please know my friend, we have all been there...you are in the right place. FYI, top right is a button that says chat room, there is usually someone in there...come talk, we can all relate!
When I told peeps I was going in rehab, they laughed! They had no idea that I was an alchie.....no clue at all. I couldn't tell anyone for a long time, and when I did, they thought I was nuts...they were right!
Thank you for your service, sincerely.
Last edited by gr8ful42day; 10-04-2011 at 10:18 PM. Reason: to add ty
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
thank you for your military service....I'm glad you are back home with us
.
You might want to check with your doctor about how best to de tox.
It's risky to do alone. ..considering the large ammounts you drink.
Here is a link I hope you will read
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
.
You might want to check with your doctor about how best to de tox.
It's risky to do alone. ..considering the large ammounts you drink.
Here is a link I hope you will read
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome, Jason! What a great post. Reminds me of when I first stumbled across SR and started reading one thread after another, stunned to see that so many people understood exactly what I was going through. This place has been a big part of my recovery—glad you found us. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
Day three.. 72 hours..
It's funny. I've gone longer, way longer than this before and felt no ill effects. The longest was about five months when I was in Afghanistan. That wasn't too hard though because alcohol was prohibited where we were. The second longest was 4 weeks. That was bizarre because I didn't feel like I wanted to quit, I just stopped drinking for four weeks. And I've gone three, four, even five days many times before, without a single sip, and felt fine.
My last drink was Sunday night.. slept like a baby. Monday night I was okay because I didn't really think about it all that much.. I didn't sleep too well that night. Yesterday I thought about it.. a lot. So I came on here and it boosted my confidence. I felt good as I turned off the lights to go to sleep.. tossing and turning, all night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw this demonic looking child.. something straight out of a horror flick. When I got fed up and got out of bed, it was almost time for school. I was alright until I got to class, but when I tried to think, it was all jumbled up. I could sense my lab partners' frustration.
Three hours later, I'm back in bed because I'm dead tired, but the same images are there. I start itching and twitching and I hear every little creak and crack in the house. A couple hours later I'm rolling out of bed, still dead tired, and frustrated as hell. Time to go do laundry before my next class.
That's all I remember until I realized I was sitting on the couch starring blankly at the tv a couple hours later - clean laundry in a basket by the door. A big craving hits and I keep getting these quick flashes of me looking down at myself on the couch drinking a beer. "Tonight's gonna suck," I thought to myself.
Five minutes in to a 3 hour class and my head, jaw, neck, eyes, and upper back just start hurting for no reason. That class seemed like it took 3 days.
So why? I've never felt this crappy after only three days.. or ever for that matter. I have a guess though. I think that little kid in my head knows that this time I'm putting up an actual fight instead of the usual passive resistance. I think he's scared that I'm really serious this time, so he's throwing a tantrum. It's amazing what kind of effect the unconscious mind has on the body.
I'm not deterred. If anything, I'm more motivated. I'm not looking forward to the punishment I'm sure I'll get in the coming days and weeks, but I take a small bit of comfort knowing it only gets better from here, one way or another.
It's funny. I've gone longer, way longer than this before and felt no ill effects. The longest was about five months when I was in Afghanistan. That wasn't too hard though because alcohol was prohibited where we were. The second longest was 4 weeks. That was bizarre because I didn't feel like I wanted to quit, I just stopped drinking for four weeks. And I've gone three, four, even five days many times before, without a single sip, and felt fine.
My last drink was Sunday night.. slept like a baby. Monday night I was okay because I didn't really think about it all that much.. I didn't sleep too well that night. Yesterday I thought about it.. a lot. So I came on here and it boosted my confidence. I felt good as I turned off the lights to go to sleep.. tossing and turning, all night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw this demonic looking child.. something straight out of a horror flick. When I got fed up and got out of bed, it was almost time for school. I was alright until I got to class, but when I tried to think, it was all jumbled up. I could sense my lab partners' frustration.
Three hours later, I'm back in bed because I'm dead tired, but the same images are there. I start itching and twitching and I hear every little creak and crack in the house. A couple hours later I'm rolling out of bed, still dead tired, and frustrated as hell. Time to go do laundry before my next class.
That's all I remember until I realized I was sitting on the couch starring blankly at the tv a couple hours later - clean laundry in a basket by the door. A big craving hits and I keep getting these quick flashes of me looking down at myself on the couch drinking a beer. "Tonight's gonna suck," I thought to myself.
Five minutes in to a 3 hour class and my head, jaw, neck, eyes, and upper back just start hurting for no reason. That class seemed like it took 3 days.
So why? I've never felt this crappy after only three days.. or ever for that matter. I have a guess though. I think that little kid in my head knows that this time I'm putting up an actual fight instead of the usual passive resistance. I think he's scared that I'm really serious this time, so he's throwing a tantrum. It's amazing what kind of effect the unconscious mind has on the body.
I'm not deterred. If anything, I'm more motivated. I'm not looking forward to the punishment I'm sure I'll get in the coming days and weeks, but I take a small bit of comfort knowing it only gets better from here, one way or another.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 133
Hey MrA,
I love that your resolve is strengthing in the face of the "little kid". I feel that way too sometimes. I'm 18 days sober today. For the most part it's been great (especially since I'm now over the worst of the physical withdrawl stuff -- sleep issues were the worst for me too). But there are moments when I crave it. But I can't, and that's that. And I sort of feel too far in to go back now.
I'm wishing you all the best.
Be well,
kc
I love that your resolve is strengthing in the face of the "little kid". I feel that way too sometimes. I'm 18 days sober today. For the most part it's been great (especially since I'm now over the worst of the physical withdrawl stuff -- sleep issues were the worst for me too). But there are moments when I crave it. But I can't, and that's that. And I sort of feel too far in to go back now.
I'm wishing you all the best.
Be well,
kc
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
That's interesting, Jason. Have you heard about AVRT? It's a technique of distancing yourself from any desire to drink, by recognizing that any thoughts that support the idea of drinking are the addiction talking, not you. That's a handy mental tool for me. Anyway, that demonic kid sounds like a powerful image, and I can see how it could be totally useful to think of it as the face of addiction.
Thank you for your service, by the way. And congrats on knocking the third day down. Sounds rough. I've heard withdrawals can get progressively worse each time you detox. One more incentive to avoid ever having to go through it again.
Thank you for your service, by the way. And congrats on knocking the third day down. Sounds rough. I've heard withdrawals can get progressively worse each time you detox. One more incentive to avoid ever having to go through it again.
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